Mushroom Soup :)

Hi. I put up a happy selfie here but I don't actually feel that happy hahaha um... Well, I just had a sudden emotion wreck and I well-- I realized how lonely I am. hahaha well, it's nothing new. I know, I know I've been talking about how lonely I am and that I don't really need people to be beside me all the time. I mean, I don't exactly need people to be with me 24 hours but well--- How should I put this. I feel alone. I mean, yea... I have family and friends but having them doesn't make me feel less lonely. I feel like that they don't exactly care? I don't know. It must be just my brain talking or I'm just tired. I guess. haha... Well, actually this sudden realization hit me last sunday. During Easter, and I went to church with my family and sis Jaba and her family was there too. And there this one session where we just shake hands with everyone, like you know, since we're a one big family and stuff and when that time comes, I realized that everyone else have someone to shook their hands with and I literally stood there, laugh awkwardly for a second, because I just didn't have anyone to shook with like literally. I felt a pang in my heart but I decided not to show it because yeah, I... I guess it doesn't even matter though. I mean, not as if people would realize it anyway. I mean, I always have friends to go out with right? I'm a very friendly person, right? That I surely always have someone to be around with right? heh, all of that is just a bullshit. I mean, I do realized that I have friends, best friends and all the shit, but by the end of the day, I ended up curling on my bed all by myself, Hell, I think I have more conversation with myself than other people. I wish it was easy to reach out. I do want to reach out, I want to tell people, somebody.. anybody at least... that I feel so alone that it so hard to get through each and every day, wanting to be surrounded by people and you just don't want that day to end because you knew, you knew so well that once you go home, that feeling you loathed is going to drown you.

I wanna reached out sometimes. But I don't think that there would be people who would understand or even care. I mean, I could tell that they would tell me something like "You lonely? But you have so many friends!" or something like, "Oh, you have us!" bullshit. BULLSHIT. Sometimes, I need something more than just words of assurance. I guess, this is the irony of my previous post haha... I'm doing what I wish people do to me to other people. It's actually my deepest desire that someone would actually swam the ocean for me, like I did for them. But I guess it's impossible. I guess, I really outdone myself eh? But if I didn't do all those shit, I won't have anybody and I'll ended up literally alone and I hate that. If miracles really exist, I just hope that someone would come to me while I was all laughing and smiling, and look me in the eyes, and told me, "Stop pretending that you're okay all the time. You're lying to yourself and you'll ended up hurting yourself."

But that's only will happen in the movie. Heh.. Sometimes I wish my whole life is just a movie or a mini series or something. It feel so hard, even just to take a breather sometimes. Oh, I relapsed. I can't stand the lumpy feeling in my chest and I can't exactly screamed it out, all my frustration and shit. So, I thought it's my last resort. So I just drag the blade across my skin, making a few red streak, not too deep but just enough to drew a little blood. I feel a little relief though. I mean, no one would even take notice of it anyway. So, I just didn't see any point of not doing it. I mean, scars. Yeah, I already have them. From my previous cuts and 'sides, I already am having skins problems hahahaha. It sting though but that's okay. I miss it.I feel better.

I wonder... I'm not saying that I'm suicidal right now. No, I never actually want to die but I wonder... If I drew the blade a little closer to my wrist and a little deeper until I actually cut my veins, I wonder how would my so-called friends would react. I wonder how would people who told me they love me would react. I wonder how my parents would react. What would they do? Will they just cry and told me that they should see all the signs? Or would they be there for me and keep an eye on me so I wouldn't do it ever again? well, I guess we never know until I finally do it hahaha. Just kidding. I won't do it. I don't have the guts to do it anyway. I'm a coward. The best I would do is yeah, just small cuts. So nothing to worry about. It's not that dangerous. I mean, it's not easy to completely heal if you had the kind of thinking like me. I'm weak. hahahaha Haaaaa.... I guess I'll just wear my cardigan tomorrow. It'll heal in a week or so, So... I'm not worry about it. I'll just have to hide it.... Or not. I mean, who cares? They all have their own problems to deal with. Why should they care about what happen to me. I don't matter. I'll stay quiet for a while. Taking a break from social medias, I guess. And well, I probably just stay here, listening to my awesome new playlist lol xD. Yeah, and this is my safe haven. So *sighs* Also, I'm sorry that this turn out to be unhappy post when I promise to talk about something happy this morning. I'll make it up to ya soon. I can promise you that. I just need a break. hahaha.


Well, I guess that's all for now.
Bye ;)

Happiness Rhymes with Pineapple!!!!!!! ((( o(≧∇≦o)

HELLO AGAIN! Update twice this month eh? HAHAHAHAHAHA IT'S A MIRACLE! hahahahahaha yeah, well... I have many things to say omgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomg HAHAHAAHHA well, not THAT many but yeah, pretty awesome things happen in my life lately that I couldn't help but to feel so blessed! just ERGMAGERDDDD hahahahaha xD Anyway, let's start with something simple. Like uhhhh my daily life? Well, daily life.... There's nothing much change. My job is like the usual, boring but since it's the end of the month, so I'm pretty occupied with work so time flew fast and yeah, JUNE IS COMING AAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!! the trip! and also, I can't wait to meet Kenny. Gosh, I miss that bitch so much hahahaha it's been a while we didn't call each other hmmm maybe I should call him soon hahaha I just miss his bitchy laugh HAHAHAHA Shock Hui and Joan, I don't miss them that much because we literally just met like last week and had some Japanese food for dinner because Joan suddenly crave for it hahahaha yea, but like, I'm always give my time for them. I mean, I'm trying my very most best to give my time for my precious people even though I'll ended up tired later on hahahaha I mean, what's worst can happen other than getting sick? hahahaha it's okay, it's all right. I feel better if I could make someone's day. I mean, I know too well the feeling of not having anyone around you when you need someone. I realized that I've been doing this shit since forever for almost everyone, ever since I have my driving license and even more after I got the job hahaha xD Am I doing too much for others and too little for myself? Hmmm, I don't think so. hahaha and yeah, I am also a firm believer of 'If someone care about you, they'll leave everything for u'. I've been telling this to so many people that I do everything for them but I know too well that nowadays, word just word. So, from now on, I want to show them that I do mean it. They could try call me 3 in the morning, I shall answer the call or return it in a split second. I'd drive to their house if they need me. Because, YOLO Bitches. HAHAHAHA I mean, I'm just at the point that I want to cherish people I care about because we never know when we'll reach the end of our life. It could be tomorrow, maybe in a year or five years to come. Who could ever guess. My point is that, before anything bad happen or our relationship just happen to fluctuated, and if I ever just become a memories for them, I want to be the best in their mind. I want to be the part of the memories where it could make them smile when they thought of me, I want them to be able to stay happy whenever I crossed their mind and able to get through the day with a optimism when they thought of me :)

Also... I have a pleasant conversation with dad lately, tho we still bickering some times. I mean, almost, most of the time but yeaaa, we're in an O-K relationship for the time being. I mean, time will heals right? So, I do believe that we'll fix this relationship between us and I should try way harder than this so I can make him happy, mom happy, everyone's happy and it's a win-win for everyone hahaha.

The trip is one month awayyyyy~~~~~~~~ AYYYYYY!!! hahahahaha I'm wondering like do we still going to make the group t-shirt though? And if we do, I wanna do it fast like I want to wear it so badly like AHHH!!! also, I decided that for this trip I'm gonna do some video edits. Well, with the help of a special Apps of course (i'm not that talented in video editting LOLOLOLOL) Especially if we're really going to the Escape PArk. I WANNA TRY THE SUPER HIGH FLYING FOX AND THE JUMP OFF THE TOWER or something ACTIVITY! I WANNA FLYYYYY!!! hahahahahaha well, i'm not sure how I'm gonna do it, YET but yeah, I wanna do it and post it on insta and I'll cherish it hahahahaha I use cherish too much hahahaha xD
<------ THis picture actually my most favourite selfie so far. HAHAHAHA my selfie game is hella on top right now HAHAHAHAHA practice does make perfect sometimes HAHAHAHA okay, I was distracted for a while there because of my beauty in selfie HAHHAHAHAHA kill me. OH, actually... the real reason why I'm blogging today is that I WENT WITH SIS INUT TO SCAN HER FIRST BABY YESTERDAY AND I GOT THE CHANCE TO SEE IT FOR THE FIRST TIME AND IT WAS SO CUTE AND I WAS RIGHT ALL THE TIME WHEN I TOLD MY MOM IT WOULD BE A BOY AND IT WAS A CUTE WITTLE BOY AND I LOVE IT SO MUCH AND I CAN'T WAIT TO MEET IT SOON. SHE WILL GIVE BIRTH TO THAT PRECIOUS BABY IN JULY LIKE ASJDWIEUFHIUWEHGIUERHGIUEHRUIGHEUIHGIUEHRGIUEWHFUWIGHUIRWHGIUWHG
IUEHGIE IMMA HAVE ANOTHER NEPHEW I JUST CAN'T WAIT AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA OKAY. *DEEP BREATHE*


This is the scan photo. Look at how adorable he is. AWhhhhh, my heart just fill with love and I just *SIGHSSS* i can't wait to welcome him to the world ⁽(◍˃̵͈̑ᴗ˂̵͈̑)⁽

OH ALSO. I have another news! I've been dying to tell about this one but my toothache stopped me from writing because holy shit. HAHAHAHA the pain is unbearable. I need to find a time to go and pull it out. I can't keep on depending on painkiller or the painkiller will literally get me killed. Oh! the irony! HAHAHAHAHA OKAY. are you ready for this HAHAHAHAHAHA

Okay, remember on my previous post, I've been talking about a coser from Miri named Hakken RYOU. AAAAAAAA HAHAHAHAHA *ahem* okay, cool down Pgie. Pls. hahahahahaha and guess whatttt, right after I posted about him and been thinking about it, suddenly this one particular day, he posted on Miri Cosplay Club on facebook which where me and sis Jaba also happen to be the member like I don't know why we even be in there since we don't even cosplaying, like at all HAHAHAHA but yea, putting that fact aside..... HE WAS POSTING THAT HE'S GOING TO MAKE A SPECIAL BIRTHDAY PARTY CELEBRATION WITH A MYSTIC MESSENGER THEME LIKE KJFKSFJSDKFHKDSGDFJGSKGD AND obviously, I'm currently addicted to the game like HOW MANY MORE COINCIDENCE CAN HAPPEN IN A MONTH KLFWLJFWUWEGKELNGILUGEW HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA 

<----- that's the invitation's look like and yeah, for obvious reason, we had to pay for the entrance fees but IT DOESN"T MATTER hahahahaha well, I tagged sis Jaba in the comment on the post and then I ask her to go with me for the party and she SAY YES AND I FEEL SO HAPPY BUT THEN, I just don't have the guts to message Hakken to reserve our seat but then, thank God that time, sis Jaba was volunteering to inbox him and then she like inbox him and after few days he replied and like AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA SHE TOLD ME WHILE I WAS IN THE OFFICE AND I JUST CAN'T HELP BUT TO LET OUT A SMALL SQUEALS AND THAT MY MADAM LOOKING AT ME LIKE 'WTF' HAHAHAHAHAHAHA okay, and then, we reserved our seat, pay for the entrance fees and now we just wait for him to send the invitation to sis Jaba's email aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa. ALSO, kan I did inbox him, even before he mention about the party because I was DYING to know if he's really are a mirian and then, on the same day he reply to sis Jaba he reply to me. and I'm like HOLYSHIT HE REPLIED OMG HOW THIS I DONT KNOW AAAAAA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA and our conversation become like this. Well, he didn't really reply me much but at least he did reply so it's matter hAHAHAHAHHAHA proceed down below to read. YERRRRR HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA


LOOK AT THAT WITTLE LOVE HE PUT RIGHT AFTER 'THANK YOU'~~~(۶ꈨຶꎁꈨຶ )۶ʸᵉᵃʰᵎ Senpai notice me! HAHAHAHAHAHA I just gosh, I'm so happy. I need to bath though. Gotta go work. Well, I'll be back soon and this conversation isn't over

HAHAHAHAHA
BYE!
:)

To Be Continue...


Do You Believe in Miracles?

Okay, let me sounds a bit cliche here. Hello~~ April! hahaha xD That wasn't that funny but yeah, I like it hahahaha anyway... It's been a month I didn't came back here. Like woowwww~ is this blog gonna be updated like monthly? I guess, there's a huge possibility it will be that way hahahaha I mean, I've been so busy living my life I don't even have time for stuff anymore. Well, I do have the time but working just drain my energy completely, man. *SIGHS* Well, my job is simple, it just that, I hate it? hahahaha I mean, it's never occur to me, not even once that I'd work as an Accountant. Even my college friends, who took the same course as I am told me, directly that Office Job isn't made for me. hahahaha Well, I may be complaining about it but I need it because I need money HAHAHAHAHA tho the salary ain't that good but it's just enough for me, tho it still can't make me afford a figurine yet hahahaha xD yeaa, it's been few years I didn't actually buy a figurine for myself. I kinda missed the feeling of opening the box and unboxed the figurine and put it together with my other baes (@´_`@) sad, sad feelings hahahaha but well, I guess I'll just have endure it for the time being. I mean, I'm still young and there's still so many things I could do and I'm gonna grab every opportunity I get from now on so I can actually afford my Otakuness life. hahahaha who knows? Maybe one day I'm finally able to set my foot on the Land of the Rising Sun yerrr HAHAHAHAHA *SIGHS* Dare to dream, dare to make it real. Yooo it's actually from one of Paris Hilton's old MV, i think it's called uhhhhh nothing in this world. ( I actually looked it up on Youtube hahahahaha ) AHem, anyway, so far.... my days are ordinary. Just that I planned to spend more times with my family. Tho, so far it's failing. HAHAHAHAHA I need better plans tho. I mean, who knows, once I'm going to SG, we're not going to able to spend time as much as we often did. Tho..... Now not as much as before. Haaaa...... I really do missed the old days. But there's not much different between the old days and the nowadays for me. I'm always alone though HAHAHAHAHA *shrugs*

Okay, narcissistic time... I look so good HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA xD Nah, the truth is, my selfie game seriously leveling up right now. hahahaha I guess, that's because I feel more comfortable and accepting of myself? Yeah... I guess that's must be it. hahahaha though, I do plan of exercising, losing a few pounds before going Penang which is in two more month. Holyshit mannnn~~~ Two more freaking month Aaaaaaaaaaahhhh! I can't wait to go! I want to take as many pictures as I could and cherish it. Also, mostly I look forward for the Escape Park. Because Adventure, bruhhhh~~~~ tho I feel a bit sien cuz Anime Matsuri is going to be held on 1st of July, exactly one month after we went there. Like UGH. life isn't fair....(⌯˃̶᷄ ﹏ ˂̶᷄⌯)゚ But oh well, I just hope that by the end of this year, there's gonna be another Anime convention in Miri because aaaaaahhh!!!! Also, me and sis Jaba did planning to join this year. I mean, not literally joining the competition or anything, just put our cosplays on and just hang out with the other cosers while fangirling HAHAHAHAHAHA since, last year convention, I didn't went with her. I wonder what happen? Probably she have to go somewhere for work, if I'm not mistaken. I just remember that I went there with my gangs, and there I met with Baby Rania as well hahahaha and I also meet with Doraemon, a huge friendly cute doraemon like AAAAAAAAAAAAAh also, speaking of convention last year. It was the first time I meet HakkenRyou like oh lordness.... HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA



Before I went further, let me ask you this... Do you believe in Miracle? HAHAHAHAHAHAHA I mean, oh my god mannn.... Did you know that he's actually lives in MIri? Like in freaking Miri???? A place where I lives and grow for 23 years?????? HAHAHAHAHAHAH oh my gooooooddddddddd... I knew this since last year though but it didn't actually occur to me that much but since yesterday... ka? Uhh, I this yea, since yesterday the feeling of overwhelming hit me like a truck and I'm like, holyshit. Hakken Ryou is Mirian? Like is that even for real?????? I mean, loook at him! LOOK AT HIM! he doesn't even look like a Mirian to me. HAHAHAHAHA He's like uuhhhh I dont know.... Fictional character that came to life??? HAHAHAHAHAA wow, I could just stare at his face whole day, whole week and I don't think I could get tired of it. HAHAHAHAHA Right now, I feel like I wanna inbox him in Facebook like asking him like "I know this is sudden but can I ask you a question?" HAHAHAHAHAHA and i think I wouldnt even wait for him to reply me that I'd just ask him right away if he really were a Mirian like are you for real? You sure you're not from other place? Other world??? maybe.... But I guess, I'll just freak him out HAHAHAHAHA I mean, I do have the tendency of coming too strong towards people HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA yeah. I'm savage.

*Sighs dreamily* Just look at his face tho... hahahahaha perfect anime character that coming to life HAHAHAHAHA i wonder if he prefer guys or girls. I mean, looking back from my crushing experience so far.... My crushes were either, liking someone else, gay, lives 287423864873 miles away from me, taken or.... did I say gay? HAHAHAHAHA *SIGHS* I wish he's not gay tho. Bi, yeah. I mean, at least he still like girls so I still have a hope. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA Just wish that I'm his type tho. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA wish wishy washy...

Well, actually there's nothing much to fangirl about him other than his looks, his talents in cosplaying, and the fact that he look just perfect guy, my kind of guy... just that... I've been wondering like, how does it feel if someone that you admire/a character/celebrity is actually lives in your area? Like holy shiatsu.. this just sounds like anime/ k-drama or every other imaginary stories I've written so far hahahahahahaha and they fell in love with each other and lives happily ever after! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA well, this is reality and considering the fact that reality isn't like fairy tales, it's gonna be hard tho. I mean, unless, I'm blessed with miracles and coincidence happens and we actually meet each other, while he wasn't in his costume, just being his real self and start become friends and BAM! cupid arrow strike! and yeaaa first boyfriend for PGie! Congrats~ HAHAHAHAHAHAHA nah, i'm just kidding. If that happen, walaoweh, i don't even know how to react to that. hahahahaha even so, i think... real him must have girl friend already. I mean, look at him! impossible no girlfriend one la. ahahahaha his girl friend must be the luckiest. Haaaaa... I wish I could be that girl ; _ ;

If he's my boyfriend, I'd suggest him to cosplay as my favourite character HAHAHAHAHAHAHA I'd be his number one fans for sure. But i guess, there's so many other beautiful cosers and fangirls. So, I have a small chances to be the lucky one hahahaha *sighs* I mean, I never even get lucky in crushing, how the hell HAHAHAHAHAHA oh well, whatever.

I'm actually out of things to say though. Ah, hmmmm.... I planned to go to my house next week and probably plays games so I guess I won't be updating next week. It's been soooo long I didn't went there and spend the night. Also, I kinda miss my baby blacky and Chubchub. If I went to SG next year, there will be wayy lesser time for me to meet them. Haaaaa.... I'm actually pretty worried about going there and leaves my parents here. I mean, how can I leave them with that bastard? But thinking back, I've been doing nothing for them so far. So I guess, this is just the right things to do? Perhaps this is the best way for me to pay them back? Like working my best, so they would less worry about me? I mean, I can't stand the fact that I'm still so depending on them and that I'm actually still burdening them in one way or another. I mean, yeah, I work now but I still lives with them so I'm actually still 90% under their care. So I guess, I am making the right decisions of moving out from here and start my own life? I haven't actually figure out what I want to do once I'm there but I know that I won't get any office work anymore. *Sighs* I wonder what's my parent would say if I told them that I'm not going to work as an Accountant at SG. Oh well, I'll just hope for the best then. I hope they'll let me do whatever job that I wish to do. Also, I hope that they'll support my decisions of becoming a part-time youtuber. hahahahaha Ahhhhhh, there's so many worries! I hate growing up sometimes! but at least, there's some changes in my life i guess. Rather than staying in my comfort zone, I guess I am making the right decision, right? I wonder..... I really am wondering. Will this decision turn my life better?


Who could say? I guess I'll just go for it and find out myself eh?

hmmmmm.. well, that's all for now. I'll be back soon.

Bye :)