Sometimes I feel like giving up on people and live all by myself. I mean, I'm so tired of begging for people staying yet they growing to leave me. Even those who stayed, still ain't convince me that they'll stay.
Just for brief moment, I feel like my life is filled with love and there's not a single loneliness I feel and in just a blink, everything around me turns dark and dull. Well, sometimes I think maybe it just me who is being pessimist and all. Maybe because I have put too much trust on a person who eventually betrayed me after, which now making me hard to put trust on others.
But sometimes, it isn't trust that make me think people never stayed besides me.
It just maybe I'm being annoying and all.
I might be too clinging to some people that I might annoyed them
I mean like...
I'm actually doesn't like it when I have to be the first one to speak up and break the silence.
If it just for once or twice, it's cool
But if I have to do it every time.
It just making me feel like I'm the only one who wants to talk.
I'm the one who think that there are some friendship going in between.
I just hate to feel this.
This make me feel like,
Its much better if I'm alone.
I don't have to deal with bullshit
or trusting people
or being the first one to start a conversation.
Maybe I'm too annoying that people actually secretly hates me and wish that I'm better off dead or something.
Maybe my existence burdening them and making them wish that I never even been born,
Maybe I should stop being so nice to people.
Being nice is just too much painful
Wanting to be like and stuff
it just fucking painful.
Especially when you aren't sure that if they really appreciates you by doing nice things to them.
I just have this questioning feelings.
I hate everything about it.