It's my first post of 2012. wee I'm still alive! hahaha :)))Anyway, its seriously just the number of the year that changing, my life? non changing ehehe :D well, of course I'm looking forward for something good to happen this year :) If I could just wish. And yep, it's gonna be my third year together with my Mr. Bloggy. ahahahaSo, Umm... what else? Oh ya, actually I'm just about to continue on my story but I was suddenly have the mood to write my blog first as I haven't yet wrote anything since the 2012 is here, so... here I am... hehehe :) And seriously, I want to apologized first to those who read lah... because what I'm going to write is going to be a little sad though. Yeah, I shouldn't start with sad stuff. But it's what i felt though. Don't blame me... Blame my feelings. ehehehe :) And Oh, <--- that's my old picture. I found it inside my hard disk ngehehehe :) cool eh? I know right? Always be photogenic one :) Anyhow, let me start with it... I just need all my tears to flow like a waterfall tonight or i'm going to stay with this fake smile until I can't hold it any longer. ahahaha
Okay, seriously my 2012 start real great because I have surrounded by my loveliest family :) No kidding, I have blast. I woke up on 1 Jan 2012 at 1 p.m. hahaha :) I was drunk by drinking to much of juice. ehehehe :D Nah, I'm not an alcoholic person, I hate them. ehehehe :) But none knows that even though I look like I'm enjoying myself, I still have that little funny feeling inside. The sad feeling. Well, I don't know. I just automatically thinking of my big brother. As this year, he didn't celebrating New Year with us all and it was the very first year he didn't join us. He was here, in this very house. But I can't feel his existence. It seems like his body is here but his soul isn't here. I don't know how to explain, but it something like it lah. heehee :) Anyway, he seems to keep on avoiding us and he didn't even take a peek on what were we doing. I did wish that he could just walk over or stood there for a moment, it's already matter for me. But I didn't even see him go out from his room. Haish, (( Right now, I'm wondering... why my tears won't fell off? As long as it stay there, I'll be forever sad :( Uh )) ahaha :D just kidding though :D like seriously, I felt that my new year celebration is nothing special... I felt empty. My mum especially... She does look happy but I know she's hurting inside. She have the toughest stuff to deal with in her life but I salute her for her big patience in life and she never show any sign of giving up :) That what I love the most about her. And on that very new year night, my brother ask another hundreds ringgit and his usual friends came over and they keep themselves locked inside the room doing what ever things they do lah... And just now, I reminisce back how happy my life back then. When I was still just a little girl. My brother treat me so well and he even shared everything with me. I remember once he bought me stuff like food, toys... he was the best brother that i ever had. Well, literally he is my only brother though. hahaha :) I still remember the day he picks me up from school. He's car was becoming the talks of my schoolmates and I was like "Oho, that's my brother," ahahaha :D yeah, I'm proud :) and no one dares to put their hands on me because of him, he just protective you know... And one time, I remember the day I help him tackle this one girl. ehehehe :) I help him with my cuteness. that was the best memory I ever had with me. and we both often celebrates our birthday together as we both born on 9th ( but he's on December and i'm on January ) I still keep the picture you know.. and I think, that's the last picture we took together though and it was almost 10 years ago, we all still young that time. still budak hingusan and sis Jaba still telling me her Ghost Hunter story. ehehehe :)) I wish he never choose this wrong path. it may not hurt him, but its hurt me a lot as he is my brother and yeah, I did tell that I hate him but I found that I can't hate him no matter how much he hurts my parents. He may be stupid, and I may say out loud to other out there that I hate him so damn much but it just an empty word. I could never ever ever hate him. even if he was caught murdering someone, I will still always forgive him and will never hates him. I know, he may done wrong. He just some rebellious adult. and people out there may think or say that he's useless but no matter how useless or how stupid he behave, he always be my only brother, the one that I love, the one that I respect, the one that I hope that he'll turn back to live the right path. I never lost hope on him because I believe, everyone deserve a second chance and I do believe that he'll change one day. My real wish on New Year 2012 is that I wish that my brother would change and be the son that my parent always dream to have. I wish that he could turn back to the right path and behave like others normal brother. I hope that God would open his heart so that he would believe in Him and always pray for goods and healthy. and I wish that he could be someone better and stay out of trouble. I wish this 2012 would happen something that can reset his mind and make him change into someone better. I wish that he would grow up and be matured. I wish that he never breaks mum hearts and never ever make my dad lose hope on him. I as well wish that all his negativity would be replace with positivity so that he could differentiate the good and the bad things to do. I wish I wish that he would never getting involve with drugs or anything related to it anymore. I wish he'll stop doing all the wrong things and start to do the good things.
So, that's all I need to say about my brother. Yes, I realize that was my real wish on New Year :) I really hope for the best for him. I want my brother back, this person who live in my house isn't my brother.. I don't know who he is. My brother never done anything bad like for years. My brother was someone who believe in himself, a gamer, protective, creative, dreamer and I know he may acting aggressively before but past is past.... I will always try to find something good about him and always try to forgive him in no matter what he will do. Because I Believe, God is with me and He will always protect me. I'm not afraid to this new brother. and I as well believe that my Father in Heaven will bring my brother back to our family. :D P.S : Let Your Smile Cover Up Your Tears :)