Anyway, I haven't took my meds yet because I need a shower. A VEEERY LONG SHOWER cuz man, i can't live without shower hahaha it's like my paradise at home hahaha and ouh, last night. Well, more like, this morning, around 3 something, i was watching true blood and that was when i saw this police car kinda light shone on my mom's bedroom window and i'm like hoo shit, they're coming but yeah, my fucking brother were out to get his supplies or maybe someone told him that te po-po were coming. Well, i think. He can run as much as he can now but not forever. He can't keep on running like this. Because fuck man, he's like taking this shit as advantages to ask for like double the money from mom and it's fucking stressing people in this house like fucked-a-lot. And mom is having her stomachache again. I bet its all because of all the stress she get from living with that good-for-nothing-fuckface-son. *sighs*
If i could have one wish right now, i just want things to end. I can't stand this any longer ya know. I'm done watching her sad face for every single fucking day. How she feel like wanted to cry and how much i miss her smile, her laugh and everything. I just want her to be happy ya know. But i really really thank God for taking care of her and i really respect her for being a good Christian ya know cuz she seems to never lose faith about everything and i often saw her praying and stuff. I wonder, if she's not a praying type, i wonder if she could survive all the stress because i, even just watching her i feel like giving up hahaha
She's the strongest person i ever saw in my entire fucked-up life and that's what make me admire her so much and yeah, as usual; i'm suck at showing it hahaha *ahem* i hate it when things get emotional. Hahaha i'm leaking.
So, overall... I just want things to end. All the badshit gone and we can be happy like normal family does. I know that once things get better, other things will came up but man, of all shit that ever came to this family, this is one of the shittiest things that ever happen in this family after my parent almost break up like few years back and i must say, i'm fucking traumatize about that. hahaha i remember that one time i was waking up from my nap and i cant find my mom anywhere and her car is gone and i only saw my dad and all i thought was she's gone; she left me; its all your fucking fault. For betraying her dad! I fucking hate ur guts. I called her like hundreds of time and she didnt even answer me, i ran to and fro to mak ulit's house and out own looking for her. Then i dont remember what happen. Hahaha its all blank. I must've been freaked out too much hahaha i think mak ulit's call her and then she came to me and said that she was at our old house, collecting stuff that still remains there. That was time i pretty sure i knew the answer when she ask me if i wud choose to be with dad or her: i fucking sure i wud choose her, thru thick and thin. Oh, this smack me in the head. I think this is one of the reason i fucking hate my dad hahaha but i knew now that he's trying to make things right so i'll slowly give him the chance and maybe eventually i'll forgive him one day. Plus, i kinda owe him for shelters, food and educations.
And then, this also reminds me why i can't hate my brother for like forever. I mean, i know all i've ben saying is that i hate his guts and shit but ya know, it never last. I forgive him easily because i know, deep down he's a really good brother. It's a pity that he went choosing to be involve with shit. I'll forever remember that one time, he was just newly married with sofie, shawn's mom. And uhh, that weekend. Mom and dad were going back to balingian to do some things and i can't recall what really happen. What i recall is that he was mad because mom and dad bring bulan along and he said something isn't fair about it. I wonder what it was. And uh, what i can recall after, i was like, why are you shouting at each other like that and i was running back to my room and then he chase me out. Then, he was like, "dude, sorry, i'm so sorry. I'm not mad at you. It just unfair for mom and dad bring lalan's along". Hahaha yeah, and then he promise to bring me, sofie and lalan to KFC after that. I miss that side of him honestly and now, you can see how fucked up he really is. I also remember that he help me drew a car for my PSV. My house is like what the normal kids always drew and then suddenly the car look all sporty and shit hahaha. If only i knew how to treasured stuff when i was young, i would keep it safe. It's a memories where it could be an evident to show that he's a good person deep down. a great brother.
I should be showring now. Hahaha forgive me for the spelling mistakes because i kinda have chubby thumb and using phone is not helping at all so, yeah :)
This sickness make me overly emotional than usual. Gosh hahahaha XD
See ya soon
P.S let your smile cover up your tears