Colorful Life Just With Extra Black Color :)

Ola :) I know he's cute. hehehei :D I found this picture in my old folder in my hard disk :) I don't know his name, if I do, I definitely has download his picture all over the net. hahahahaha :D So, yeah. Today I decided not to tell sad story or maybe cussing out. hahahaha :) I'm neutral. Well, not really for I'm sadder than the much day before this ahahahaha :D So, yeah :) I just don't want to contaminating your blog dashboard with my post nagging and telling how bad my life is because my life is pretty beautiful, you know. It's colorful, only with more black colors in it. hahaha :) hmmm.. I don't actually laugh when I type that, not as usual. hehehei :) Hmm.. So, yeah. I promised, I won't post to many dramatic sad story here :) Because I look like begging for sympathy and empathy. I don't need all that, I'm freaking fine though :) I still can smile as wide as (^__________________________^) hehehe :) Dolphinately!

<---- I named him Andy. hahahaha :) I don't know what his real name is, so I think Andy is quite suit him. hahahaha :) and he's my newest fictional character too :) Aha! and I'm relating him with my favorite teenage actress, Emma Roberts :) Still, I'm working on that as right now I'm thinking of concentrating on my SCM and LLA first :) I think SCM is almost the end ( Not really actually) ahahaha :) while my LLA is umm... on the way towards the rising action of the story. hahaha :) Hopefully lah, it will be soon. And I can feel it that LLA is gonna be finished faster than SCM. SCM, I think its gonna be late lah because.... Well, not because I lose interest in doing it but just that I... um... how to say this, Umm... <---- I just realize, I got black t-shirt that almost look like his hahaha *iklan sebentar* sorry for that short break. hahahahaha, I accidentally glanced at his t-shirt and suddenly popped out of my head hehehe, so, where are we? Oh yeah, SCM I do have the perfect story line for it but I feel like I need to find out more about Greek, the myths and their god and goddess. For its quite the main element of the story though. I'm still lacking of information about all of that and I also, I've been thinking lately that SCM is just some lame story. hahahaha :) forgive my negativity, but yes, it's true. hahahaha :) Seriously, people can easily predicted what's happen next and in the end of the story. Hehehei. Well, I was thinking to end it as predicted by peoples. But just now, something knocking me mentally and right now my inner me keep giving me ideas how to end it without people knowing it. hahahaha :) Well, just wait and see then. hehehei. But yeah, for this few days maybe as long as this gloomy weather inside me don't leave me alone, I'm thinking of taking a short break from continue writing these two precious story of mine :) I just need a rest :) because, if I'm not, I think I'm gonna write a very worst story line ever. hahahaha :) maybe with lots of cussing too. ehehei, I don't want that for I want people of all ages to read it up later :)

<---- I've been staring at this picture for an hours before and I found that he look like my fictional Andy. hahahaha :D maybe they are the same person. OHO, might be he's my future husband. huahahahaha :D Just kidding. ekekeke :) He does my type though. Not gonna denying it as it pretty no use though. ahahaha :D anyhow, lets stop there. hahahaha :) So, what else should we talk about? Yeah, today I went to Riam Institute to register but the principal rejected me as he said that my SPM results is suitable for Arts courses. when he told me this, I was like "I know right?" hahahahahha :) Yeah, and he told me that he quite understand that I'm not a person who loves science and math. that time, I really wish that he's my dad. hahaha or maybe my dad is like him. hahahaha :) I'll be the happiest girl in the world. But yeah, even though the principal said so, mum won't change a thing. She said, I'm gonna try my best though to get credits in Level A. Hmmmm *Sighed* Life sucks. UH! Sorry, I shouldn't have done this as I'd promised though. hahahahaha :D Kay, sorry. Let's change subject. hahahahahaha :) Umm... yeah, just now I was on the phone with Prudence as I was accidentally wrote her crush name publically on twitter. hahahahaha :D I wasn't realized that we actually talking in twitter as I thought we're just texting as usual. hahahahaha :) I can't stop laughing you know, haiya... she keep begging me to delete it and yeah, I did so. hahahahaha :D And she said, she's gonna kill me as soon as we met soon. hahahahahahaha :D I'm ready! go for it, dude! ekekekeke XD

<----- Another hawty Emos hahahaha :) Yeah, no kidding he's damn hot. hahahaha :) Anyway, let's move on. Umm... Well, I just want to say that I just realize my purpose of living is to bring others smiles :) You know, it's really heartwarming when I see people surrounds me smiling, and laughing happily. Its seem like, bringing me the joy of life. And I kind of grateful though for having the computer class as I finally have time for myself, enjoying my favorite song alone, driving to places that I always wanted to go, alone. Singing out loud without care what people would think about me. No one even judge me and bothering me, making me sad, angry and so whatever. And every time, I went home, I always thankful if there got Jam on my way home. I just wish that I can be on the road as long as I want it to. hahahaha :) I just love it. And every day, after my computer class, I won't straightly home, I'll think of some place to hang out before I went home. hehehei. And tomorrow, maybe I'll stopped at Permy Mall and having a nice san francisco coffee for myself. huahahaha :) Dahki nek. hahahahaha XD but I'm still thinking about it la. My wallet is thinning as I just lend 50 to my brother =.=; permanently. hahahahahaha :D Never mind, Its not something new :) hahahaahha :) I'm fine with it... T^T my 50~~` hahahahahahahaha XDD

Blue eyes guy is freaking hot, don't you think? I KNOW!!!! >..< hahahaha XD well, answering to his question, forever is still not enough baby. HAHAHAHAHAHA :D Delusional again. ekekeke :D I can't help it though. Hehei~ :) and oh yesterday I went to Toys World, well more likely to say that I went to Belle's bookshop and I bought two notebook with cool patterns on it and a reading book. hahaha :) the reading book is something about Emotional Healing Physically and Spiritually. Yeah :) I haven't read it though. hahahaha :D Don't have feeling to read it anyway. ekekeke :) Maybe soon lah. hahaha :D and today, I went to PBB at Emart and bought myself 2 Conan comic books and A National Geographic Magazine which is tells more about the Journey of the Apostles. Yeah, the story is quite mesmerizing me but I haven't finish reading it lah. hahahaha :D not even reach the half of the story yet. ekekekeke :) As I'm ended up here. ekekeke :)

I've been trying lots of time to use this guy picture for my post but I always fail doing so. So, today no matter what, I'm still gonna use his picture. hahahahaha :) He just freaking cute. I love his silky hair though. ekekeke :) Umm... Well, I don't actually have thing to say ya know. I do have things to share but yea, none of it is good. hahahahahaha :D And you may think i'm making everything that I wrote down in my blog. I mean like, I purposely saying like it was the big and serious. Well, you know my head never lies. I wrote what I feel like I want to write. Its all came from my deepest heart. Wasehhmen. And yeah, my life is pretty amusing. Right now, I'm going after the person who keeps telling me that my life is pretty and she/he was very envy with my life before. So, from now on, i'm going to find that person as I willingly giving him/her my life. hahahaha :) With biggest pleasure, they can have it though :) I'm happy. hahahaha :) and I won't regretting it. Hahahaha :) hmmmm..... I don't know when all this gonna ends but for sure, I'll just stick with a wide smile on my face :)
I'm just tired nagging about it. Nagging won't solve anything, it just making I look like a empathy beggars. hahahahaha :) I don't want to be call as attention seeker. I'm just wishing that, just for one day, everyone leave me alone and let me be on my own :) I wish as well that just for once, my day is better or neutral is already fine with me :)
And so, I lied about not telling my true feeling. hahaahaha :D Well, just that this is the only place I can pour my heart out without anyone would tell me that they understand what I'm going through like they are in my shoes or they are me. They just keep lying to themselves for telling me that. I'm just freaking tired listening to those lame same dialogue. Just I wish that, instead of telling me that they understand, I think I would prefer if they just can make me forget about all this things. I just want to smile, laugh and act like nothing happen. I want to be happy. If I had the genie lamp, Happiness is the first thing I would wish for :)

So, YEAHHHH!!! I'm freaking tired of typing. Needing very hot, hot shower. A normal hot shower actually but with me in it. hahahahaahahha :D so  it become hotter. hahahahahahaha :) So, yeah... I let Joe the Emo guy to end this post (( I freaking like his looks. VERY CUTE!! )) Totally make my day! >.< Thanks Joe!! :)

Whenever you feeling lonely
Whenever you feeling depressed
Whenever you feeling sad
I feel that too but still
I Keep This Bright Smile On My Face
You Smile Too :)
We keep on living this world together :)
Proving to the world, 
That we are the strongest person ever! :)
Even stronger than sir Arnold Schwarzenegger
or Steven Seagal

P.S Let Your Smile Cover Up Your Tears :)

My Life is Hell But One Day I'll Turn It To A Paradise.

But the things is....

I was never fine
I was never okay
I always lied to you
and I lied to myself too
I thought I am fine
But the truth I'm bleeding so hard inside
I can't barely breathing
I'm going away soon
I decided soo
Now, I need you to help me out....

Understand all this fucking stuff that keep happening to my life?
I wish I had the gun and blow my head so my brain will colored the wall
I hate this fucking life
Everything keep falling apart
I try to be happy
I want to live normal
But I guess being normal is nothing but a lie
When i feel normal, I'm fucking delusional
Everything is fake
But now I see
I'm decided to leave this fucking world
But still I have something make me stay
Someone who keeps me going
My parent keep me moving on too
I never was strong to face all this shit
But I pretended to be
So I can be my mum's strength and keep her going......
if I lost this people one day
Then, I welcomed you to my funeral

Dear God
Give me more strength
I want to fight
I don't want to lose in this game call life
I have my rights
Those shit aren't the one who should end me.
I should end myself
Even the devil himself don't have the rights to end me
For I know that God is the one who hold my souls
I'm belong to Him and no one else.
So, it's Him only who can end me.
I am blessed with his endless love
I'm full of His grace...
I have purpose in life and I know it
I won't let those bastard to end me 
I will keep on fighting
I will fight till the last breath I have inside
I know God is there with me
So, I'm not afraid at all.
Nothing can stop me
with God,
I am Strong even when I'm weak...

No Longer Can Stop The Pain.

Wishing that I can disappeared from this big sphere of lies
Freaking out every single moment when I found out I'm alive
Underneath the faces which I believe wasn't a lies
That in fact the truth wasn't even written inside those fully eyes.

Now I wish I am dead for a while
Wondering what which memories will ticking in their mind
Will it be the worst?
Or could it be the best time of our life?
Or maybe there will be pearls of laughter with me dying slowly behind
Will they smile when I'm already gone for life?
Would their life easier without me by their side?

Sometimes I feel like I'm the worst part of their life
Sometimes I feel like I should be blame for all the twisted moment of their happy time
Maybe I should just vanished from this world
And never reappeared again for the rest of my life
maybe it is the best solution for them into the happier life.

Slitting my wrist, letting the blood flows out from my veins won't settle it out
Jumping from the top floor of a building and get myself killed won't change a things
What should I do now?
When everyone I loved declaring their hates on me
Criticizing me silently and throwing the disgusting look on me
Make me feel like I'm the most unwanted person in their life
I feel so hopeless now
I feel like I'm broken inside and outside
I've been feel alright for a while and now the pain is biting me off again.
I'm grateful that I've survive the last one
But I wonder
Will I survived in this game too?

No one know what I've been feeling this few months
No one, even the most sensitive person will noticed the bleeding heart I have inside
The scars now widely opened once more
I had running out of bandage to wrap it all again
I don't have a clue of what should I do now.

Oh God, please guide me to the truth
I'm tired of living in lies of people I've put trust on
I'm losing my mind for most of the time
I'm afraid that I might losing myself one day

Oh Lord, please forgive me for all my sins
if my sins brought me to this misery of life
then I begged you Lord to forgive me and cleanse my souls
So I would start a new,

Oh my dearest Father,
Help me heal this wounded heart
Sew it all together again for I can't stand it pain anymore
I'm lifeless and I'm getting weakened each day
I need you, Father.
Give me strength so I can lives this life for another chapter

I'm stoned in the middle of nowhere
I don't know which path I should go
But what I surely know is
I should continued putting on my happy mask
Fooling the whole wide world
Telling them I'm the happiest person in the world
Telling them I have everything that they ever wanted in their life
And telling them that I'm one of the strongest person that ever lives in this world
For I know,
This this mask of mine
Can burn their spirits and keep them going on their life
Making they feel like they are too as strong as I am
Then, if my smiles can help those people who needed too,
Then, I'm pretty sure I'll be happy too
Even inside I'm broken into millions pieces.
But deep, deep inside, I'm feeling appreciated
And I feel that little sparkle of Hopes
Hope where there is someone who totally care of my existence in the world.

The Depression Test

Found this test in Jaba's blog, so I decided to try it out. Guess what? 
Through this test, now I'm confirmed that I have bipolar Disorder (=.=;) Cyclothymia ( mild bipolar disorder) is High as well. Oh God, Why? hahahaha :D

DisorderYour Score
Major Depression:High
Bipolar Disorder:Extremely High
Cyclothymia:Very High
Seasonal Affective Disorder:High
Postpartum Depression:N/A
Take the Depression Test

Endless Blessing Makes Me Who I Am Today :)

Greetings, humans :)
Yeah, I was actually really sick, i mean REALLY REALLY SICK this evening. I can barely move myself. Even to the toilet, I feel so sick. I never ever felt that sick before. So, I told sis Jaba that I can't online chat tonight as I was sleeping since 6.30p.m until 8.30p.m actually. Then, as I woke up, I felt my head were very damn heavy. I barely can lift it up, yeah. Seriously, I don't even touch my Lappy since morning because of my sicknesses ( Fever to be exact ) I'm in serious fever if I say I can't online, you know. As it pretty obvious that online-ing is now kind of part of me. hahaha :) One day without online, my life is empty. ekekeke :) It's a metaphor, no worries for my life is pretty colorful :) Even reading message my sis Jon sent me just now pun I can barely read. I know, it's pretty bad! Anyway, I manage to overcome my terrible dizziness, endless back-pain,  and my flu after I read one phrases of Word of God which is:
" Heal me, O Lord, and I shall be healed, save me, and I shall be saved, for thou art my praise." -Jeremiah 17:14- And Immediately I feel okay. Yeah, pretty awesome heh? I know God is with me and he healed me like immediately. Now, I'm pretty sure that I'm love and loved by Him :) And I'm quite thankful for the medicine my sis Jon brought for mum last time. I'm feeling pretty good right now, but too bad, sis Jaba offline already. hahaha :)  Oh well, tomorrow never die, as she always said to me :) So, yeah. Now, I'm officially graduated from my high school! Weehoo~ I want to go party now EHH, scratch that. It's now the time for I think of my future. I'm pretty much depress when I'm thinking about it. You know how my mum is. hehehei, she said Arts and Design is works for losers who has no future. DaFUQ she said that way? Seriously, I want to study the damn thing pretty badly. I'm always wanted to learn Art and Design since I was so young. I'm drawn into drawing since I was 5, but I can't figure out why she doesn't approve me to learn Arts and Design? I am dedicated to learn it and I'm pretty sure I can success in that course. But, yeah... We must listen to everything that our parents says, aye? I have not much choice now. Whether to go Riam Institute or Curtin University. Maybe I'll take my Cambridge Level A in Riam as Curtin only offer foundation in the first month of the year. Neways, I'm thinking of fulfilling my parent wish first and make them proud. Then, when they have full trust in me, I'll go on my own way :) I'm still young. RELAX~ hahahahaha :))

So, today morning I go crazy and cut my front hair which now I'm pretty much regretting it. hahaha :) It's ugly! (>____<) But positively way of thinking, it's not gonna stay short forever. hahahaha :) Once it long again, I'll cut it like the way it was before. And good news for you guys too, I'm not gonna take picture of myself as long as I hate it. hahahahahahaha :) Yeah, I never hate my haircut before but this time, I'm so regretting it. If I had Doraemon's time machine, I would tell myself not to cut it. hahahaha :) Never mind, it's too late to regret it now. Just learn to deal with it. hehei. And yeah, yesterday I got my SPM result. Well, nothing to be proud of actually as I'm not really getting that All A's result. hahaha :) But I'm still grateful to get it though because seriously, it is far beyond what I've expected to get. hahahaha :) Seriously, I was like Oh my God! is this real?! hahahaha :) especially my Modern Mathematic. For my entire life being call as High School student, I never ever ever get my Modern Mathematic B. hahahahaha :D I always fail it. don't believe me? Ask Mr. SharolNizam, my math teacher. hahahaha :D He knows. hahahahaha :D So, it is beyond my expectation. I never thought I could get all pass you know. I always thought that I would failed all my Science and Maths subject. But Praise the Lord, with his endless blessing on me, I get more than I have expected and I regret nothing. Besides, SPM is just the starter you know. I still have more stuff to achieve. Like graduated from University then go to work :) Well, I successfully passed my level 4 in Education's life. Now, I'm thinking of continue on level 5, Pre-U life. YEZZA! Can't wait to start, but feeling to nervous when thinking of it. hahahaha :) Anyway, I want to congratulating myself though. hahaha :D as no one in my house congratulating me since yesterday, except for sis Jonny :) and sis Jaba and sis Inut and Phoebe also. That's all. hahahaha :) So, including me, there would be 5 now. Yeah, no one care about me in this house lately. My mum and dad, do. They really do and they was thinking of buying me a car for present. But Seriously, I don't want a car. I was PSP! or at least they bought me iPod Classic. But still, mum insist to buy me car. Oh well, maybe I just deal with it with a broken-hearted. I know, I should be grateful for getting a car. But car is seriously not my things. hahaha :) I never dreamt of having any car before. besides, mum's car  is already enough for me though. And besides, car is too expensive maa! hahaha :D

But as my parent insisted to get me car, then I shall tell them my dream car. hehehei :) Yezza, I'm adoring white Vios since whenever. hahahaha :) Actually, I'm craving to have Honda Civic but it will cost like hundred thousands or something like that. That's why I think I'm gonna have Vios lah. Beside, it is cheaper than Honda Civic. If not Vios, then I'll go for the new Honda City. But thinking back, mum already have Honda City, so I'll stick with Vios. hahahaha :) And speaking of having a car, I feel like celebrating Super Sweet 16. hahahaha :) Oh well, just telling though. Ngehehehehehe :) No, I haven't tell my mum which car I want them to get for me as I'm quite busy begging PSP from her. hahahahaha :) Yeah, I ask her like everyday and then I also asked her to buy me electronic dictionary. Hahahahaha :D She should actually be thankful for I didn't ask for something expensive. I never ask anything that is more than RM1000. Even my DSLR, I just ask for the most cheap. hahahahaha :) Its the same anyway. Well, my only stuff that worth more than thousand is my N9 and I guess that is the last thing I ask which is worth than that. ahahahaha :D Me no like expensive stuff :) Besides, expensive stuff nowadays never last long *shrugged*

And besides PSP, iPod is the most things I really want. So, instead of buying me a car, they could just buy me 100 iPod with it. *shook head* Never mind. I know, one day I can have this. ehehehe :) Nothing to rush though because right now, I still can listen to music in my Lappy :) Well, having iPod is somewhat my youngster self dream. I always dream to have an iPod and listening to it when strolling along the beaches, like in the movie you know? hahahahahahahaha :D Most likely, a music lover like me, this stuff is quite the most precious stuff in the world. But, if my parent doesn't want to get me and iPod, it doesn't really matter anyway. I can asked them to buy me MP3 instead :) cheaper and even classic~ :) And speaking of classic, yeah I want iPod Classic instead of iPod touch. Why? Because I just freaking hate touch screen. Always typos. hahahaha :) every time I updating my twitter status through phone, there will definitely typo somewhere. I just freaking hate it. But that was before la. Now, I'm getting use to it and me and typo get along very well. hahahaha :DD

<------ my right eyes is swollen. very wrong timing to take picture. hahahaha :) But I can't stop myself to take picture because I want to show off my SuperMario hoodie. Muahahahahaha :D Yeah, I got my first hoodie at Merdeka Mall yesterday :) Speaking of yesterday, I drove my best friend, Prudence and Valerie to Merdeka Mall and the three of us kind of celebration our no-so-flying-color-SPM results. hahahahaha :) And we go watching John Carter together. ekekekeke :D I tell you, it was my very first time driving to Merdeka Mall. Thank God for protecting the three of us for the whole long journey there. And in April, we've been thinking to go out again. Going to PC fair and maybe will go somewhere else after that. But, not confirm yet as Prudence is having her first exams this April. Wishing her the best though :) And yeah, Prudence got iPhone 4s from her parent and I would want to congratulate her for finally getting her dream phone though :) Valerie and I, well we don't exactly ask for anything. hahahaha :D like Val said, we kind of getting our present like randomly from our parent. hahahaha :D Oh well, we both are the youngest member in the family, no kidding. She always get what she wants. hahaha and me, I   also do get what I want but not always and mostly I have to wait for like 2 or 3 months. But worth to wait though :)))) And yeah, I bought myself the SuperMario Hoodie as my present to myself for congratulationing myself. HAHAHAHAHA :) I always buy stuff for myself whenever I achieved something :) That's how I burn my spirit to stay on the right tracks :)

Reporting the time, it is 1.30a.m and I haven't feeling asleep yet. hahahaha :) Later morning, I'm gonna fetch my shawny with sis Jon and went register myself, taking computer course before I starts my study again. hehehei :) Still lots to do (=.=') I guess, my fun time is over now. I need to focus on my life starting.... Ummm.... Maybe few months? HAHAHAHAHAHA XD and right now, I'm listening to Escape The Fate - Zombie Dance. Like seriously, I'm freaking addicted to Escape the Fate. I love like more than one songs and currently, I'm in love with their song entitled Issues. hehehei :D I love the drum beat and the guitar. Oh my, such a beautiful music. hahahaha :D and BMTH, I only like Don't Go and Sleep With One Eyes Open. Falling in Reverse as well. I really freaking love FIR! maybe because FIR and ETF vocalist is the same person. hahaha :)) But of course Danger Radio is on the top of my favorite list :) I can't deny it, I'm in love with Andrew de Torres cute voice. hahahaha :) Just too cute to be listen to. And every time I drove my mum somewhere, I always lost in my own thought because of his voice. Yeah, I freaking love it and I don't care if mum got annoyed by my voice as I'm singing along with him and pretty much syok sendiri. hahaha :D and last time, as I waited for mum in the car kan, I hate banging inside the car and singing out loud, then I look to my left and saw this other driver, he was like o.O. hahahahaha :D maybe think I'm crazy. ekekeke XD Oh well, my car my rules. hahahahaha XD I drive, I choose the music :D

Like few days ago, I was followed by two bandmates of newest rock band namely as Overworld. the drummer and the vocalist of the band followed me and I was like "O.o WHY?" hahahahahaha :D but yeah, I'm feeling real good though for having an artist to follow me in twitter. Besides, the vocalist is pretty cute. hahahahaha :D then kan, as I scrolling down in his twitter account I saw that he posting video of music that he made himself lah. So, as the music is pretty good to hear, I was thought to post and share it with my followers as well and few days later, I saw he reply me back with thanks A LOT! I WAS LIKE "O.O" ahahahahahhaaha :D FREAKING LOVING IT! GOD, thank you! hahahahahaha :D I never got replied by any artist before and he was my first. So, as soon as they came out with their first album in the future, I'm gonna download all their songs and became their fans! hahahahahaha :))) Even it is just a simple thank, I feel appreciated though :)

<---- Random picture. the first picture I saw when I open folders. hahahahaha  :D Few days ago, I'm pretty busy looking for picture for the cast of my story. ehehehe and I found this picture of Kellin Quinn. It's my favorite so far. Hahahahahaha :D But nah, not really into him though as I'm not really a fans of Sleeping With Sirens. I only know their one song name "do it now, remember it later," or pretty much something like that. Hahahahaha :D And yeah, I found his formspring last time and I saw this one person asked like "Are you a girl? you sound like one," or something like that. and he answered like "I'm pretty sure I'm a dude," hahahahahahahaha :D Yeah, seriously, for me. His voice isn't sound girly at all even a little. For me, it is much more like listening to little boy that haven't reach their puberty yet. But of course, he did. Maybe it is his specialties. Deal with it people. hahahaha :D Thank God, they didn't say Andrew's voice sounds girly, if not I would pleasurably declared a world war. hahahahahahaha :D Just Kidding, I will do nothing but criticize them silently. ekekekeke :D I pretty much awesome in doing so. So, yeah :) hahahaha :D Peace yo! ekekeke XD

Lastly, I want to introduce my newest husband. HAHAHAHA :) Meet, Ryan Seaman, drummer of FIR. YEZZA! He already have a girlfriend though but what the hell, he's cute. hahahaha :) But not really like him as much as I like my other husband which I can't really recall their names. HAHAHAHA :) and yeah, obviously he likes cats. In contrary, I love dogs. Hahahaha :D If we gonna have a relationship, we definitely will fight like cat and dog. hahahahaha :) Oh well, never mind. hahahaha :) Speaking of pets, I think most people in the world adore Cats than dogs. as in tumblr, I often saw cats post in my dashboard and solemnly about dogs. Yeah, and now I'm drawn into cats. Hahahahahahaha :) cat is cute though. I can't resist their cuteness but still, I'm loyal to dogs :) No worries, I'm forever dogs lover :D And honestly, I'm running out of topic right now. hahahahaha :) So, Um... Yeah, gonna ends it here. hehehehehehei :)) And to officially ending this post of mine, I let you enjoy my currently favorite bands picture :) So, Enjoy :D

1. Introducing my precious Danger Radio :)) 

2.Escape the Fate

3. Falling in Reverse

4. Bring Me The Horizon

So, yeah.... I'm freaking love screamo and rocks music nowadays. hahahaha :) Its somewhat a medicine for me though. Its help a lot through my depress time and when I felt lonely. hehehehei :) thanks guys :) Rock Music Industries, Keep Moving On!!

P.S Let Your Smile Cover Up Your Tears :)

When My Heart Speak

I don’t understand what you really want
Do you really want to be with me?
Or you just pretend that you really want me to?
I can’t figure out why you doing this to me
I feel like an idiot who thrown themselves into the pit of fire
Where no one care no matter how hard you screaming out
There’s no way out
I love you so much that’s make me so blind
I’m lost in this game for I can’t lose you.
I’m so sick of your ignorant self
Fuck you for drowning me in this ocean of lie
Where all your promises meant nothing but a full lie
I’m now forever stuck,
I can’t find my way out
I screaming out loud
Hoping someone out there to come and save me

You told me that you care when you’re not
You told me that you’ll be there but you never did
I call you for hundred times a day, all you did is ignore
I wish you to call me for once but you never did
What do you think I am for?
I’m not your diary or your toys to play with
I have my own life to take care of instead of listening to your fucking words
Just leave me alone!
I’m sick and freaking tired of you!
Go to fucking hell!
If I knew you would never be the same,
I rather survive this world alone in my own way
My life is suck enough, dear
I don’t need anyone else to make it worst

Please God!
Pull me to the surface of truth
I’m weak, and I can’t afford this entire lie anymore
I can’t live with this kind of people anymore
They just hugging me when they need me
And throw me to the side like a teddy bear.
I know now why people committing suicide
Slitting their wrist to ease the pain of their broken hearted
Because dying is the fastest way to get the hell out of here
Please, my Father,
Save my soul from all this misery
Before I have the guts kill myself in vain
I can take any more violence
My innocence is already scarred
And now I’m a rebel for the rest of my life

Just save me, my Lord
This is all I wanted.

Don't Go

I was raised in the valley, there was shadows and death.
Got out alive but with scars I can't forget.
This kid back in school, subdued and shy.
An orphan and a brother and unseen by most eyes.
I don't know what it was that made a piece of him die,
Took a boy to the forest, slaughtered him with a scythe.
Stamped on his face, an impression in the dirt.
Do you think the silence makes a good man convert?

We all have our horrors and our demons to fight.
But how can I win, when I'm paralyzed?
They crawl up on my bed, wrap their fingers round my throat.
Is this what I get for the choices that I made?
God forgive me, for all my sins. God forgive me, for everything.
God forgive me, for all my sins. God forgive me, God forgive me.

Don't go, I can't do this on my own.
Don't go, I can't do this on my own.
Save me from the ones that haunt me in the night.
I can't live with myself, so stay with me tonight.
Don't go.
Don't go.

If I let you in, you'd just want out.
If I tell you the truth, you'd vie for a lie.
If I spilt my guts, it would make a mess we can't clean up.
If you follow me, you will only get lost.
If you try to get closer, we'll only lose touch.
Yes you already know too much, and you're not going anywhere.

Tell me that you need me 'cause I love you so much.
Tell me that you love me 'cause I need you so much.
Tell me that you need me 'cause I love you so much.
Say you'll never leave me 'cause I need you so much.

Don't go, I can't do this on my own.
Don't go, I can't do this on my own.
Save me from the ones that haunt me in the night.
I can't live with myself, so stay with me tonight.
Don't go, I can't do this on my own.
Don't go.
Save me from the ones that haunt me in the night.
I can't live with myself, so stay with me tonight.
Don't go.

Don't go. [x11] 


This is the death of me
I feel it constantly
Just like an enemy
That wants to see me bleed
So I try to be silent while my words they explode like hand grenades
I just gotta stay calm, before I let this time bomb blow up in my face.

These issues pin me to the floor
These issues are my overlord
I feel so dominated
These issues, they choke me like a noose
Issues, they choke me like a noose
Issues, they choke me like a noose

The hounds of hell, they cry
That’s how they get to me
Inject my head with lies
The pain’s astonishing
Like a brick or a stone, slowly crushing my bones, sending me to my grave
And it’s such a fake, this life that I’ve made, I’m going insane

These issues pin me to the floor
These issues are my overlord
I feel so dominated
These issues, they choke me like a noose
Issues, they choke me like a noose
Issues, they choke me like a noose
Issues, they choke me like a noose

These issues pin me to the floor
These issues are my overlord
I feel so dominated
These issues, they choke me like a noose
Issues, they choke me like a noose
Issues, they choke me like a noose
Issues, they choke me like a noose
Issues, they choke me like a noose 

Gorgeous Nightmare

I've got another confession to make
So complicated, let me try to explain
Don't want this feeling to go away
So it stays 
(It stays, It stays, It stays)

Is it the way that you talk
That's causing me to freak
Is it the way that you laugh
That's making my heart beat
Is it the way that you kiss
It's gotta be the way you taste 
(You taste, You taste, You taste)

You're such a gorgeous nightmare
Old habits never seem to go away
You make me feel brand new, yeah
We resurrect it's like I've come back to life

I feel so alive 
I feel so alive

First impressions are hard to erase (hard to erase)
Etched in my mind and it just won't go away (won't go away)
Maybe I'm playing my cards way too safe
I've gotta change (change, change, change)
Is it the way that you feel against my body?
Is it the way that you act so damn naughty?
Is it the way that your shake
When your hips move to the bass? 
(The bass, the bass, the bass)

You're such a gorgeous nightmare
Old habits never seem to go away
You make me feel brand new, yeah
We resurrect it's like I've come back to life

I feel so alive 
I feel so alive

(I feel so alive)

You're such a gorgeous nightmare
Old habits never seem to go away
You make me feel brand new, yeah
We resurrect it's like I've come back to life

You're such a gorgeous nightmare
Old habits, don't go away
You make me feel brand new, yeah
We resurrect it's like I've come back to life

I feel so alive
I feel so alive
I feel so alive
I feel so alive 

I'm Not A Vampire

Well I'm not a vampireBut I feel like oneSometimes I sleep all dayBecause I hate the sunlightMy hands are always shakingBodies always achingIn the darkness when I feed
Well I can lure any woman that I want to in my bedWith meWhisky seems to be my Holy WaterMothers better lock your doorsAnd hide your daughters
I'm insane!Well, I can feel it in my bones!Coursing through my veins!When did I become so cold?
For goodness sake!Where is my self control?If home is where my heart isThen my heart has lost all hope
Well I'm not a zombieBut I feel like one!Today! self-induced! Comatose!Chemical change!
My head is always spinningFrom this dizzy, blurry visionAnd my stomach has had enough!I feel like a ladyThat is pregnant with a babyCause I'm always throwing up!
Hi, My name is Ronnie!I'm an addict!*Hi, Ronnie! *Daddy should've never raised me on Black Sabbath!
I'm insane!Well, I can feel it in my bones!Coursing through my veins!When did I become so cold?
For goodness sake!Where is my self control?If home is where my heart isThen my heart has lost all hope
God bless all of you now!Cause I'm going straight to Hell!And I'm taking you down with me!Cause you know damn well,
I'm insane!Well, I can feel it in my bones!Coursing through my veins!When did I become so cold?
I'm insane!Well, I can feel it in my bones!Coursing through my veins!When did I become so cold?
For goodness sake!Where is my self control?If home is where my heart isThen my heart has lost all hope