I'll Be Fine.

Hello! It's me again. Duh! obviously. it's my blog. hahah :D anyway, it's been ages I didn't update, don't i? Well, its not because i'm busy but i just don't feel like updating my bloggy. Well, it just that my life is pretty rough lately. hahaha :D i'm so confuse and my mind is twisting here and there. I want to tell here but i just don't know where to start. Everything seems to giving me pressure. Schools, Home-works, Homes, or for short, everything surround me is giving me pressure. I'm stressed out to be honest and this make me don't want to go out to see the world and speak to anyone. i just wish i can be alone for a day. I want to have a break without seeing anyone or anything except for my bedroom. I'm tired to play in the game of life. but i don't have other choice but to keep on participating if i want to keep on living.  I'm only losing when I'm dead but so far, i haven't thought of doing that yet. LOL :D i'm not fully hopeless, don't i? I still have the chance to live a good life, don't i? But it seems to be tough if i want it as everything that had happen doesn't seem to be supporting. hehe :)

I keep on entertained myself and being cheerful as i can be but still, its only happen when i'm out from this zone, *the house* yeah, sometimes, i've thought of never going home and spend a night at school. I just don't have the guts to go home. Everything is so wrong. I hate my house. I hate the atmosphere. I wonder, how many people had to lives like me in this world? Sometimes, i feel like i'm the black sheep of the family. No one in my family could understand me, even mum. She just keep on giving me pressure and put her anger to my brother into me. It just doesn't seem fair to me. If she keep on doing that, how can i ever focus on my study? she just keep on making me thinking about the stuff that she hates about my brother. i don't even have time to entertain myself. whenever I having fun, they will start the dramas. Urgh! i can't stand it anymore. I blame my brother for sure. If he didn't make mum angry, mum won't do such things to me and of course, i can do better in school. My mind is messy right now. i don't know what to think about anymore and truthfully, i'm losing hope of getting straight A+ for SPM. I feel hopeless. I don't even study. It's only 2 month left and I didn't do any revision. Oh, God. what kind of life are you giving me? I want to be success but everythings seem to be so wrong and nothing is right in my eyes. I keep on thinking negatively and i hate it so much!

I can't think of anything else right now. I'm so bothered. I wish i had someone who can listen and understand my condition right now but its seem like everyone is leaving me and letting me going through this rough time alone. whenever i need anyone, no one will ever be there. even if there is someone, but they couldn't understand what I am really feeling. they thought they do, but actually they don't. well, maybe they do, but not fully understand. I don't know what else can i do. Should I run from it or should i stay and faced it? But i don't think i'm strong enough to faced everything that had happen because it doesn't seem to ended soon. For me, its getting worsen.  i don't know how bad will it be but i can feel it, this things won't end if my parent don't take action on my brother. the main reason for all this is my brother. if not because of him, i think i can have that happiness right in my arms. I wish i can do something about it. I really need someone that i can trust to talked about this matter. I need therapist. I'm desperately need guidance! I'm afraid that i will ended up with doing something stupid. i don't want it to happen. Oh God, please give me strength!!

I guess that's all i wanted to tell for now. Actually, there's more but i think i'm lacking of blogging skills. hehei :) so, i end up my post with Cheondung's picture .

P.S : let your smile cover up your tears :)