I wanna reached out sometimes. But I don't think that there would be people who would understand or even care. I mean, I could tell that they would tell me something like "You lonely? But you have so many friends!" or something like, "Oh, you have us!" bullshit. BULLSHIT. Sometimes, I need something more than just words of assurance. I guess, this is the irony of my previous post haha... I'm doing what I wish people do to me to other people. It's actually my deepest desire that someone would actually swam the ocean for me, like I did for them. But I guess it's impossible. I guess, I really outdone myself eh? But if I didn't do all those shit, I won't have anybody and I'll ended up literally alone and I hate that. If miracles really exist, I just hope that someone would come to me while I was all laughing and smiling, and look me in the eyes, and told me, "Stop pretending that you're okay all the time. You're lying to yourself and you'll ended up hurting yourself."
But that's only will happen in the movie. Heh.. Sometimes I wish my whole life is just a movie or a mini series or something. It feel so hard, even just to take a breather sometimes. Oh, I relapsed. I can't stand the lumpy feeling in my chest and I can't exactly screamed it out, all my frustration and shit. So, I thought it's my last resort. So I just drag the blade across my skin, making a few red streak, not too deep but just enough to drew a little blood. I feel a little relief though. I mean, no one would even take notice of it anyway. So, I just didn't see any point of not doing it. I mean, scars. Yeah, I already have them. From my previous cuts and 'sides, I already am having skins problems hahahaha. It sting though but that's okay. I miss it.I feel better.
Well, I guess that's all for now.
Also... I have a pleasant conversation with dad lately, tho we still bickering some times. I mean, almost, most of the time but yeaaa, we're in an O-K relationship for the time being. I mean, time will heals right? So, I do believe that we'll fix this relationship between us and I should try way harder than this so I can make him happy, mom happy, everyone's happy and it's a win-win for everyone hahaha.
<------ THis picture actually my most favourite selfie so far. HAHAHAHA my selfie game is hella on top right now HAHAHAHAHA practice does make perfect sometimes HAHAHAHA okay, I was distracted for a while there because of my beauty in selfie HAHHAHAHAHA kill me. OH, actually... the real reason why I'm blogging today is that I WENT WITH SIS INUT TO SCAN HER FIRST BABY YESTERDAY AND I GOT THE CHANCE TO SEE IT FOR THE FIRST TIME AND IT WAS SO CUTE AND I WAS RIGHT ALL THE TIME WHEN I TOLD MY MOM IT WOULD BE A BOY AND IT WAS A CUTE WITTLE BOY AND I LOVE IT SO MUCH AND I CAN'T WAIT TO MEET IT SOON. SHE WILL GIVE BIRTH TO THAT PRECIOUS BABY IN JULY LIKE ASJDWIEUFHIUWEHGIUERHGIUEHRUIGHEUIHGIUEHRGIUEWHFUWIGHUIRWHGIUWHG
IUEHGIE IMMA HAVE ANOTHER NEPHEW I JUST CAN'T WAIT AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA OKAY. *DEEP BREATHE*
This is the scan photo. Look at how adorable he is. AWhhhhh, my heart just fill with love and I just *SIGHSSS* i can't wait to welcome him to the world ⁽(◍˃̵͈̑ᴗ˂̵͈̑)⁽
OH ALSO. I have another news! I've been dying to tell about this one but my toothache stopped me from writing because holy shit. HAHAHAHA the pain is unbearable. I need to find a time to go and pull it out. I can't keep on depending on painkiller or the painkiller will literally get me killed. Oh! the irony! HAHAHAHAHA OKAY. are you ready for this HAHAHAHAHAHA
Okay, remember on my previous post, I've been talking about a coser from Miri named Hakken RYOU. AAAAAAAA HAHAHAHAHA *ahem* okay, cool down Pgie. Pls. hahahahahaha and guess whatttt, right after I posted about him and been thinking about it, suddenly this one particular day, he posted on Miri Cosplay Club on facebook which where me and sis Jaba also happen to be the member like I don't know why we even be in there since we don't even cosplaying, like at all HAHAHAHA but yea, putting that fact aside..... HE WAS POSTING THAT HE'S GOING TO MAKE A SPECIAL BIRTHDAY PARTY CELEBRATION WITH A MYSTIC MESSENGER THEME LIKE KJFKSFJSDKFHKDSGDFJGSKGD AND obviously, I'm currently addicted to the game like HOW MANY MORE COINCIDENCE CAN HAPPEN IN A MONTH KLFWLJFWUWEGKELNGILUGEW HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
LOOK AT THAT WITTLE LOVE HE PUT RIGHT AFTER 'THANK YOU'~~~(۶ꈨຶꎁꈨຶ )۶ʸᵉᵃʰᵎ Senpai notice me! HAHAHAHAHAHA I just gosh, I'm so happy. I need to bath though. Gotta go work. Well, I'll be back soon and this conversation isn't over
To Be Continue...
Before I went further, let me ask you this... Do you believe in Miracle? HAHAHAHAHAHAHA I mean, oh my god mannn.... Did you know that he's actually lives in MIri? Like in freaking Miri???? A place where I lives and grow for 23 years?????? HAHAHAHAHAHAH oh my gooooooddddddddd... I knew this since last year though but it didn't actually occur to me that much but since yesterday... ka? Uhh, I this yea, since yesterday the feeling of overwhelming hit me like a truck and I'm like, holyshit. Hakken Ryou is Mirian? Like is that even for real?????? I mean, loook at him! LOOK AT HIM! he doesn't even look like a Mirian to me. HAHAHAHAHA He's like uuhhhh I dont know.... Fictional character that came to life??? HAHAHAHAHAA wow, I could just stare at his face whole day, whole week and I don't think I could get tired of it. HAHAHAHAHA Right now, I feel like I wanna inbox him in Facebook like asking him like "I know this is sudden but can I ask you a question?" HAHAHAHAHAHA and i think I wouldnt even wait for him to reply me that I'd just ask him right away if he really were a Mirian like are you for real? You sure you're not from other place? Other world??? maybe.... But I guess, I'll just freak him out HAHAHAHAHA I mean, I do have the tendency of coming too strong towards people HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA yeah. I'm savage.
Well, actually there's nothing much to fangirl about him other than his looks, his talents in cosplaying, and the fact that he look just perfect guy, my kind of guy... just that... I've been wondering like, how does it feel if someone that you admire/a character/celebrity is actually lives in your area? Like holy shiatsu.. this just sounds like anime/ k-drama or every other imaginary stories I've written so far hahahahahahaha and they fell in love with each other and lives happily ever after! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA well, this is reality and considering the fact that reality isn't like fairy tales, it's gonna be hard tho. I mean, unless, I'm blessed with miracles and coincidence happens and we actually meet each other, while he wasn't in his costume, just being his real self and start become friends and BAM! cupid arrow strike! and yeaaa first boyfriend for PGie! Congrats~ HAHAHAHAHAHAHA nah, i'm just kidding. If that happen, walaoweh, i don't even know how to react to that. hahahahaha even so, i think... real him must have girl friend already. I mean, look at him! impossible no girlfriend one la. ahahahaha his girl friend must be the luckiest. Haaaaa... I wish I could be that girl ; _ ;
I'm actually out of things to say though. Ah, hmmmm.... I planned to go to my house next week and probably plays games so I guess I won't be updating next week. It's been soooo long I didn't went there and spend the night. Also, I kinda miss my baby blacky and Chubchub. If I went to SG next year, there will be wayy lesser time for me to meet them. Haaaaa.... I'm actually pretty worried about going there and leaves my parents here. I mean, how can I leave them with that bastard? But thinking back, I've been doing nothing for them so far. So I guess, this is just the right things to do? Perhaps this is the best way for me to pay them back? Like working my best, so they would less worry about me? I mean, I can't stand the fact that I'm still so depending on them and that I'm actually still burdening them in one way or another. I mean, yeah, I work now but I still lives with them so I'm actually still 90% under their care. So I guess, I am making the right decisions of moving out from here and start my own life? I haven't actually figure out what I want to do once I'm there but I know that I won't get any office work anymore. *Sighs* I wonder what's my parent would say if I told them that I'm not going to work as an Accountant at SG. Oh well, I'll just hope for the best then. I hope they'll let me do whatever job that I wish to do. Also, I hope that they'll support my decisions of becoming a part-time youtuber. hahahahaha Ahhhhhh, there's so many worries! I hate growing up sometimes! but at least, there's some changes in my life i guess. Rather than staying in my comfort zone, I guess I am making the right decision, right? I wonder..... I really am wondering. Will this decision turn my life better?
Who could say? I guess I'll just go for it and find out myself eh?
hmmmmm.. well, that's all for now. I'll be back soon.
But to be honest, I gotta say.... I'm just getting tired to finding people and I just at my point where I want people to look for me or at least text me first. Not in a group. I mean, personally text me in person. But I guess that's just too much to ask. I just feel... I don't know. Neglect? Ignored? Not important? I guess a little bit of all three. My parents... Well, they're clueless of what I'm feeling right now. Just like they usually did and they just assume that I'm being a bitch, since I've always been acting like this since forever. So..... yeah. Not that I'd tell them anyway. I mean, they wouldn't even understand it so why bother. Right? So I feel like hell right now. I feel like taking a leave tomorrow. An emergency leave, ya know. Cuz' I dont feel like dealing with people just yet. I just *SIGHS* it's like... I have so much to say out loud but I just can't think of a person who would care enough to listen to it. But I guess this is alright. I mean, I'm gonna leave this place for good soon though. I've made up my mind that I'm grabbing the opportunity that is given to me and that I shall start a new life at Singapore with my friends. I'm going. Though I still don't know if I should continue to work in a business related company or perhaps just some normal work like sales person or maybe a Barista. I'm still thinking though. But as long as I get enough offday, I'm fine with any of it. hahahaha *sIGHS* I need to tell my parent though. About the work that I'll be taking when I'm going to Singapore later on. But for now, considering how many times I've been feeling like this, since the starting of the year, I'm just looking forward to lives far away from here. Maybe it's for the best for everyone and for me, especially. I mean, even my birthday this year. It doesn't feel like birthday at all. It was all thanks to my usual gang, Shuhui, Kenny and my baby girl Joan who threw me a surprise birthday party. I was sooooo close to shed a tears that time hahahaha because I shit you not. For my entire life, I had never been given a surprise bday party. I was the one who was always throwing surprise for people. Well, it was my fault for expecting people would swim across the same river like I did. I guess, I shouldn't have think that. It was my own fault. It was pretty disappointing but yeah, that's why I love my gangs so much. I definitely will hold them dearly close to my heart till the end of my existence. *sighs* also, my bestie Val was being sweet too on my birthday. She bought a small Doraemon doll at Kuching and brought it back to Miri and she wrote a small note with a cute message on it. Present from hers was always my favourite. That's why I love her so much. hahahaha
Also, If I'm going to do that, I definitely need to start discipline myself with time and shit like that. I mean, I'm a mess. I'm never punctual and I'm just bad at cleaning and shit. So, I guess I really should start doing real shit so my parent, especially mom will not have to worry about me while I'm away. I also need to fix things up with dad. I mean, I admit that I did being a big of a bitch this few weeks and I just.... Haaaaaaaa.... I should try a little harder and be more patience with him. I mean, it's how he is and I know he's annoying. So, I should already be very used to it right? Hmmm.... Maybe I should.. Not maybe. I have too.
Speaking of away. There's only around 3 month left before I'm going for another trips with my gangs. We're going to Penang this time. I think I've mention this on my previous post hahahaha but yeah, I'm pretty excited about this trip. I'm just scared that I won't have enough money to go there since my paycheck is pretty shitty. *SIGHS* I wanted to ask from my parents for the money but since my dad isn't working anymore and that bigot of a brother of mine is still shitty as fuck, it just make me think twice. And I've been planning on dye-ing my hair again soon.... So *SIGHS* money problem alert hahahaha.
I guess that's all for now. I need to try to get some sleep since I had to wake up early tomorrow. I guess I shall try to be punctual starting tomorrow hahahahaha Wish me luck! I'll drop by soon.
お久しぶり, みんなさん！hahahaha Well, as you can see my Japanese improved nowadays. Thanks to the Japanese class that I've been suffered so much back then xD. Anyways, I've been planning on updating and even writing on this blog since the first of January but ehhhhhhhh..... Ya know, procrastination and shit happens. hahahahaha xD
Uh, I've got a lot to tell cuz I mean, obviously I've been M.I.A for almost a year hahahaha but worry not, from now onwards, I shall do my best to keep on updating about my life and shit. I mean, I sort of have a lot of plans I've been wanting to do this year and some is pretty much a huge plan which really gonna give a huge effect between me and my comfort zone. But anyway, I shall put that for the last since I'm going to update about what's been happening last year. HHAHAHAHAHA because holy shit! So many happens and I'm just glad that I'm still here by now HAHAHAHA oh yeah, once a sucidal maniac, always a suicidal maniac xD
Okay so. Imma start with what just recently happening though. First of all, I've just graduated from my Bachelor Degree last month and it was rather the best time of my life because my one and only Best Friend attend my graduation day. HASHTAG!! BESTFRIEND'S GOALS HAHAHAHAHA and also, Kenny and Joan did help me and Shock Hui a lot that day as well. My mom, sis Jon and Sis lalan also attended the ceremony but eh, I'm fine with my mom. I mean duh! I'm just glad that she actually went to the ceremony because I shit you not, she was almost saying that she's not coming. I'm just like WOW! if I'm a bad children, I'd just invited Val only to go there. hahahahaha Yeah, pretty heartbreaking tho and honestly, other than having Val by my side that day, other things that happen is just make me feel like Meh. fuck everything hahaha. And yeah, sis Jon and sis Lalan also was acting like I was forcing them to come to the ceremony like what the fuck people? I mean, well, I did ask them to go but if they doesn't wanna go, just don't then. No one stopping you. Like ugh. And I'm telling you, the day before the ceremony sis Jon even fucking text me saying shit like she could ask her mom to go with my mom instead of her and I'm like, the fuck? Why are you saying such shit? Like you're the one who was saying wanting to go with me at first place and shit, now you're tellin' me you're gonna let your mom to go? C'mon lah. And I shit you not. I didn't even fucking reply her until she text me again saying like, apologizing for saying such things and saying like not that she doesn't wanna come and shit. like fuck la. *ROLLING EYES INTENSIFIES*
You know, i'm just glad that I'm never gonna have to graduate again. I'm done hahahahaha I mean, yeah, it was disappointing for that part but *SIGHS* past is past. AND SOOOO! I'm looking forward to attend Val's Graduation ceremony which is going to be by the end of the year! WOOT WOOTSS!!! I'm just proud of her. hahahaha xD
Well, lots of shit happens last year but I'm gonna skip most part because some shits are better left unsaid hahahahaha I just, ehhh don't wanna reopening the old wounds y'know. Because I shit you not, it was one of the most fucking hurtful betrayal that I ever had in my whole fuckin' life. I'm just gonna say that it's happening again. Y'know, the part where I start to have crush on somebody and then the somebody is definitely liking someone who is close to me. Sooooooo yeah. It just that, the one that close to me fuggin' liking the person back while knowing I do like the somebody while at the same time dating another somebody. YEah, WOW, right? Drama of the year. I give u that. hahahahaha xD
Let's stop talking about the past and move on now :)
Y'know, right now I'm already on one step to adulthood in which right now, I'm actually working as an Accountant hahahaha or should I say I'm now an Office Lady *flips Hair* HAHAHAHAHA Yeeeaaaa, well, I started August last year to be exact and its been 6 month i've been working and yeah, I already decided that being an Office Lady isn't the right work for me. I already start to get bored with all the jobs that been given to me and I shit you not, doing an office job with the lowest of the lowest pay of them all is hell. hahahaha yeah, feel like hell. almost every fucking day. I'm just glad that I was put in the same team with lovely people like Mdm Pui and Apple. There's also Margaret, Ms. Ting, Nisa, Fanny, Matthew, and Yunnie. Yeah, they're like the best people to hang out with. The only people I consider as friend is Apple. She's a nice girl and pretty funny too and act cute too much, in a good way. I mean, it pretty much suit her personality. At least she's being herself hahahaha.
Well, speaking of career tho, if it God's will, I've been planning that by the end of this year, I will try to find a job in Singapore. Right now I'm not so sure what kind of job I wanna try there but I got the feeling of wanting to try out Barista; working at a coffee shop has always been a dream of mine. hahahaha I mean, I'm still holding tight on my ultimate goals in life which is to own a cosplay theme cafe. Like honestly, that dream is what keeping me alive this far. hahahaha xD I did found some company that is looking for a barista but I'm inexperience so I'm not sure if they would take me in. But I do have second choice of career though. Probably working in retail shop, selling anime merchandises like holyshit. I'd tell my boss to just cut my salary off if they let me buy the merch with 50% off. HAHAHAHAHA xD
And ehh, no... I'm not going there alone. Shock Hui and probably Joan will go with me because since Kenny has already get a job there and a place for us all to stay, soooo yeah. It'll be a new challenge for us all. I just hope that we can get along very well. But so far, we're good though. They're like a family to me because I shit you not, when I say they make me feel less lonely, they do and they make me feel more accepted than my own family hahahaha yeah, sad...
If I'm being honest right now. I am feeling isolated from everyone. And as much as I hate my job right now, at least I feel included in the office. I keep on telling myself that it's okay to feel lonely and that I shouldn't really care about others because no one would actually care about me. My absence will not affect anyone. Everyone have somebody. And me? I'm.... just having me and my imagination, and not to forget the voices in my head. I'm independent. So, fuck everyone hahahaha SIGHS. well, I said it like that just too make myself feel better. Oh well, I come to this world alone, I will die alone. SO fuck it.
And also, I'm planning that maybe next year around in the middle of the year, I'll be setting up a gaming channel where I'm going to play maybe all of my unfinished games as well as new games in the store hahahah yeah, I'll do my best to fulfill my goals. I'm just at the point that I wanna try everything and show everyone that I can do it. I want to do so much more for myself because I'm hella tired of doing shit for other people and being underappreciated for everything I did. At least, if I'm doing something for myself, I'd definitely appreciate it, right? Successful or not, It doesn't going to be the matter, but what matter the most is that I'm going to do whatever fuck I want ( and get notice my senpais YERR ) SIGHS, dreams. Dream. Dream. I hope that I'll still be alive by the time. Nah, I'm sure I'll be alive by that time hahahaha I will do my best to keep on living and just keep on moving on my two feet until when I reached my old age, and before I die, I would say; I'm glad that I did all of that shit when I was young.
This year, I'm not planning to fall for another person anymore. I'm tired of that kind of shit happens to me. hahahaha I'll just focus on myself and building a better friendship with my friends who is always there to support me. Most importantly, I'll focus more on bettering myself in everything I do. I might not the best planner there is but yeah, one's could try eh? And as for having the thought of suicide, so far so good..... But I can't guarantee anything. As long as I'm not having that certain level of courage to kill myself, I'll still manage to keep my shit together. hahahaha but what worst could happen if I just happen to slit my wrist a little deeper than the usual? The worst it could get would be hospital but eh, at least I'll still be breathing. hahahahaha Yeah, positive thought much?
But for the time being, I'm just doing this for me. I will try my best to not having any relapse anytime soon and just embrace me for me. Love myself and just be me. I should stop thinking that I need people to comfort me because fuck that. I have internet. ahahaha....
That's all for now.
Hello, hello~ hahaha! I'm back again. YEah, well I have to catch up with deadlines to be honest but I ended up here because I got so much to tell hahahaha you wouldn't believe it but well, it's gonna be more on my current crush of course oohohohohoh XD no one know how much I'm crazy over that boy hahaha too much its frustrating when the rest of your friends wishing him to end up with your other friend. SIGHS I'm definitely sad right now but meh, I'll just keep quiet about it until I'm asked. hahaha Ahem, Anyway. So far, I've only told Lalan about my obsession about Norman Jan hahahahaha and hella, ksajfksajfksag HAHAHAHA I can't even content my bubbling feelings right now like ugh, I hate my life hahahahaha But I do hope he could sense my feelings for him since well, I'm sure capricorn are very sensitive with that kind of thing or maybe he got his gut feelings told him about my mix signals for him HAHAHAHAHA I'm HOpeless I know HAHAHAHAHA I'm crying HAHAHAHA I don't even know why I'm laughing but hella, this is just embarrassing. hajahahahaha Anyway, something happen today hehehehehehe well, nothing big actually but nghhhhhh my heart can't take this HAHAHAHAHA
Actually, today he has this presentation for public speaking (And yes, lalan is in his class too while I'm in Macro SIGHS) AND GUESS WHAT? ngeeeeeeeeeeee HE FUCKING PRESENT ABOUT DORAEMON LIKE WHAAAAAAAT?! aND YOU KNOW EVEN CRAZIER, HE ACTUALLY ASKED ME ABOUT DORAEMON LAST WEDNESDAY LIKE KSFNLSJKFJDHGKJSHRDKWJHDIUHEFIW HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA well, last wednesday. while the rest of our gang were busy talking to one another, I was busy vandalising the school property (the chair) ahahaha and he ask me like, "Draw a Doraemon," and I'm like sending a skeptical glance at him but I drew it anyway and I said like, "I can even draw doraemon with my eyes close." and he chuckles a bit and then he like, "I think I'll be presenting about Doraemon for my public speaking" AND as I'm a huge fans of that cutie bluish doraemon Oh god my eyes flew and went so big and be like, "OH MY GOD YES PLEASE! DO IT!"
and he laughs again at my reaction ( Oh by the way, he ever mention in our group chat that he always 'love' my reaction which reallly make my heart goes dokidoki HAHAHAHA) and then he said like, "Can u tell me about doraemon then?" and I'm like *INHALED* "WELL< first thing is that doraemon teach u about science and then some of it is about life itself AND then...." I didn't have any idea because it was too impromptu and I just go with, "And how can u not love him and how cute and bluish he is and it just NGHHHHH!" hahahaha and he just shook his head Idk if he was laughing or what because i think shock hui ask me what is happening to me and I'm like nothing. hahahahaha
I actually NEVER THOuGHT HE WOulD DO ABOUT DORAEMON LIKE SERIOUSLY LIKE WHY
but I don't wanna dwell in it too much though. I mean, he could be one of the people who like doraemon just as much as i do. I mean, who doesn't love doraemon anyway? HAHAHAHA
AND AND AND another thing is that kan we got this RP class, I mean thesis and well, their class just starting a while ago and then got this one time, where we met them at Kenny's Maku store and he was doing his chapter one. and i saw him and I ask him, what is his topic and he said about gaming and i arched my brows and said like, "I did wanting to do that before but i change it to coffee shop instead. Why u choose the topic tho?" AND GUESS WHAT HE SAID, HE FREAKING SAId, "BECAUSE You'RE A GAMEr I CAN Ask U
I THINK I BLUSHED THAT TIME. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA I HAVE THE TENDENCY TO BLUSH LIKE A LOT and then he even ask me to give him some ideas in gamer perspective. AGAIN IT WAS IMPROMPTU and all I can tell him is like, WEll gaming is good because it like make ur reflect much faster but though the good thing is there, still the bad thing about gaming is wayy alot. hahahahahahahaha I'm HOPELESS
I don't think he even noticed how much of everything he said affect me so much. GOsh, hahahahaha my heart felt clenched whenever I think like both kenny and hui2 like rooting him and ellan. hahahaha and well, with a few nods from me too. hahahaha I mean, like I keep on saying, I know where I stand and I'm pretty sure he won't like me the way I want him too THOUGH of course, I do wish he would feel the same way as I am. hahahaha but for now, i'm just too fucked up to be in a relationship so I think nah. hahahaha I'll try harder to not falling for him even harder than I have now. Gosh, I just nghhhh.. My love life is really sad hahahahaha
Oh right, before I forgot. hahahaha I realized that his hair is not actually black, it's a bit brownish and it's really look good on him and suit his a little tanned-skin of some sort like hell, his look will be the death of me but his awkwardness will be the one that kills me. hahahahaha and ahh, another thing too. Since today he was presenting, he was wearing something more uhh formal, white long sleeves, with black tshirt underneath and matching slacks. He looks so cool, like a megane protagonist from a shoujo manga hahahaha tall, handsome, megane character. hahahaha I'm sad HAHAHAHA because I think he doesn't like me that way hahahahahahahahaha
its hurt just hurt because i know kenny and hui2 will do everything they can to make him end up with ellan and I can't do anything. I mean, I can but it would be meaning that I'm betraying my friends right? So.... hahahahaha I'm so sad HAHAHAHAHAHAHA
BUT, honestly I'm glad of his existence though. Like the first thing I said to him on our first met, after I know he was only 4 days older than I am, "THank you for existing." hahahaha I literally said that though. ANd now, I do mean it. THank you for existing and give me the opportunity to know what love is, and that I still can feel it even when on my darkest hour hahaha. Thank you for simply waken up the girly feeling, and make waking up the butterflies in my tummy once more, at the most unexpected time. And just thank you. Thank you, Norman Jan for just simply existing in my life. hahahaha
Ahh, I almost cry. I probably cry after this so I guess that's all for now. hahahaha
Maybe after I cried everything out, I can maybe lessen the love I feel for him hahahaha though I must be honest that I do hope he feel the same way towards me ^^
Well, if it's God's will, it will meant to be :)
P.S There's always rainbow after the storms, Lel
And my Japanese class cancelled today so i feel a bit bored staying at home because it's freaking stressful since well, the usual stuff. But meh, I'm just looking forward for weekend since I can leave this house and go to where my home is, my own house, my sanctuary yer. hahaha though there I won't have any internet access but I still can played my games and even left some tabs with information i need open before I went there. So far, my mood has been increasingly positive, since the time I've started to spend more time at my home. It just make me realize that it was hella important that I need to leave the house. Bad feng shui in here hahahaha xD So, today. I think I'm gonna talk a bit about Dan Howell, AGAIN. yes. HAHAHAHA
Look at him. Just freaking look at him. He's the definition of perfection kyaaa kyaaaa hahahahaha xD Like ughhh, his existence should be illegal ya know HAHAHAHA if he's my boyfriend, I would definitely cherish him forever and just idk, lock him in the dungeon so that I can have him all by myself HAHAHAHA nah, that's too extreme. Well, I guess I'd definitely being overly cuddly with him, I mean, look at him. Gosh, how in the world would you say no to cuddling with someone like him. Gah~ and the sweater, it's so blue it's killing me softly HAHAHAHA it's not related but whatever hahaha I honestly find that sweater is rather nice. I would wear it if Malaysia wasn't this hot.
This bring me to this previous thought of mine where I kinda think like If I'm Dan Howell's girlfriend I would.... maybe I should do it now hohohohohoho Okay! Let's start!
*AHEM* IF I'M DAN HOWELL'S GIRLFRIEND, I WOULD:
1. Ask him 3 times a day if he really love me. HAHAHAHA Like honestly. Not that I don't believe him but it just that, it's definitely feel surreal to be the girlfriend of someone like him. Like, "Are you serious about me being ur gurl?" hahahahahaha I mean, there's zillions of other girls who are obviously, more stand out, hotter, talented from you and he choose you among those girls, like, "Are you not shitting me now?" HAHAHAHA Maybe I won't ask him 3 times a day, maybe only twice a day, morning and before bed. HAHAHAHA like in the morning, "Morning, do you still love me today?" HAHAHAHA and then at night, "You sure you're not regretting your option of making me ur girl, now?" hahahahahaha I apologize for my insecurity HAHAHAHA
2. Second, I'm very much have this weirdness with cuddling. I'm not the type to cuddle but if it like someone I like so much, I'd definitely become the cuddliest of cuddler that ever exist hahahahaha SO, if I'm Dan's girlfriend, I might be very cuddly and playing with his hair a lot, like seriously. Look at his hair, oh my god! I just wanna mess with his hair and maybe even braid it hahahaha and put all the colorful and ribbon-ish, candy-ish hair clip kyaaaaaaa hahahhaha
3. He wouldn't have to worry about me cheating on him or maybe leaving him for someone else. hahahahahahaha like DUDE, I don't even go out from my room, especially when I got new anime to watch or drama or just bought new games to play. I'm all yours danny HAHAHAHA Just buy me those things and I'm never gonna leave you, like ever. Comparing us both, I think there are higher chances that he's the one who's gonna leave me, HAHAHAHA xD I gotta say, my loyalty game is strong. Too freaking strong that sometimes I gotten myself hurt for it hahahaha xD
4. If I'm seriously his girlfriend, I'd bake or cook him whatever he wants. I love cooking and baking. Like seriously. No kidding hahahaha but I only cook for those I care the most. So, if he happens to be my boyfriend, he'll be lucky. hahahaha I don't cook for anyone. AND also, I love learning new recipe so that's actually make me a good girlfriend and wifeu material *wink*wink* HAHAHAHAHA killmepls
5. Lastly, if I'm his girlfriend, I won't stop him from doing whatever he wants. He can go and have a sleepover with his friends as long as he wants, as long as he text or call me and tell me beforehand. hahahaha and I wouldn't even mind if he cursed a lot, like hella. Have u not heard his voice when cursing? Like it was the sexiest, at the same time the cutest voice I ever heard in my whole life. hahahahaha
SO, these are the five things I would do to him if he choose me as his girlfriend. IT JUST TOO BAD THAT WE LIVES IN DIFFERENT PLANET OH MY GOSH. hahahaha xD but oh well. If it's God's will, i'll meet him one day hahahaha just hope that he will never find out about this blog HAHAHAHA
IMAGINE his reaction is like in the gif when he stumble upon this post like kajdkasjfksdjhfksdjghsd HAHAHAHAHA I'll be damn HAHAHAHAHAHAHA I've just imagined something impossible Ughuhguhg my life is sad HAHAHAHAHA
*SIGHS dreamily* Ah, by the way. I've been thinking lately *when did i not thinking? hahaha* Um that I think I finally decided that I want to make a gaming youtube channel hahahaha well, not that I want to be famous or anything, it just sound really fun to do and I mean, like if I had the gaming channel of my own, maybe I could use it as an excuse for me to finish every unfinished games that I've been playing. hahahaha I mean, I have A LOT of unfinished games and there's so many new games I hadn't play too. But I think like maybe I won't monetize any of the gameplay I'd do because I don't want to risk it hahaha so maybe if I'm lucky and have few people subcribes to me and that they ask questions about me, then I just monetize the vlog instead. hahahaha Yeah, this is just in planning though. I have a very limited financial sources for the time being that I can't afford any capture card hahahaha so, I'll just wait for a miracle to happen or I happen to win some lottery in the future hahahaha
For now, I'll keep it to myself ^^b. I'm no professional gamer, but I do enjoy my games. hahahaha I just feel like I need to do it. HAHAHAHA I'm trying to create a purpose for my life hahaha at least I manage to do one of my long term bucket list hahahaha AMEN, AMEN TO THAT.
I think I'll write until here for now. I shall be back again soon. Wish me luck in getting Dan Howell as my future husband HAHAHAHAHA AMEN! AMEN!
p.s: the rainbows always came after the storm.
Here's Phil cutest selfie to end this post.
Love, Dan's future wifeu xD