Short Post

Okay. I'm just gonna say it! 

I WANNA DRAW A MANGA 

there! I said it
HAHAHAHHAHAHA
I have this strobg urge to draw a manga of my own ya knowwww but i just dont have the time. I'll only a bit free after my Seminar presentation which is on the 12th next next week! 

then i only have like Public speaking abd the impromptu and erf and hr to settle with XD 

Cant wait!!! I just wanna start to design my character after my upcoming presentation ngeeeeeeeeeeeee XDDDDD

I think I'm sick

My head are spinning like crazy and feel so freaking heavy like no kidding. But I can't lie down now, i need to settle my assignment and everything. Stupid stupid cold UwU

Why you've gotta attack me at this crucial time yer hahaha ugh. Mom said she didn't have any meds sighs. Can I take one day break? But tomorrow is that fucked up ERF class sighs* 

Oh well, just do my best for this semester. I just need to push myself ight? Yeah, drink water UwU do my work. Ai Ken Dew Eat hahahahaha

Wish me luck.
P.S: let your smile cover up your tears
P.SOne: I miss skyping with sis Jaba and Akichan
P.STwo: I should focus on my study first. Hope they'll understand that I'm not actually running from them though UwU

Lost Time Memory hahahaha




Hello Again! It's been a week, i think? hahahaha yeah, things with schools are great but at home not so great. Well, it's great it just that *sighs* I'm not sure how should I put this. I mean, well... Some unexpected even had come and well, I don't know if it good or bad things but it's really big for me. Well, let's start with happy stuff first. hahahaha XD

SO, in my last post, I told you that I'm going to have 'Should anime be banned?' for my Public Speaking but I kinda change it to another topic which is, 'What should you do to survive Zombie Apocalypse.' ahahahahahaha I know! I'm just following my heart, okay? Plus, when I kinda think of this topic, I was thinking about ZOS: Zombie Outbreak Survivor. ya know, the one that sis Jaba did last few years back and I'm thinking like maybe I'll present this one as if I'm actually one of the workers in the zombie survival tips company something hahahahaha yes! I shall and I'm thinking to take the introduction of the story as my intro later mwahahahahaha XD Maybe I'll change a bit and add some more words. Yeah, I can't wait to present about it. hahahahahaha

and right now, I suppose to do my TITAS powerpoint but I kinda lost in the middle of doing it. It's like my brain is shutting down. So I end up changing my blog song and wala! I'm here hahahaha I need to focus though but it's kinda hard to focus here in my room. I've been spending almost all of my time in the room. I just don't feel like getting out of here yet. I want to but I just, I don't know. The old feelings is back. It's not a good sign, I know. I'm trying to fight it by the way. so, worry not! hahahaha

And uh, yeah well. I've been having a relapsed last few days ago. I've cut about 7 times on that night. I know because I still have the scars visible on my arm. hahahaha I didn't mean to, I mean, I do mean to but yeah, it just happen, okay? hahaha I didn't bleed that much though because I didn't cut that deep. And my mom kinda ask me about it, the day after cuz I forgot to cover it up hahaha and I kinda lie to her that I was playing with wild cat and it scratch me. But thankfully she believed me. If she knew I did it myself, she'll be more worry. Ah, speaking of worry, actually, the thing is that my dad are no longer working. He has been reach the point where he's not allowed to go to work anymore. So, I just feel responsible for this family, you see. Since my brother is useless.

The things that trouble me so much is that, I'm a full-time student but if dad is no longer working, but my stupid brother is still so active with his drug-addiction, I really need to find a job. Not that I'm saying that my parent doesn't have any savings, they do. They even have enough money to support my school financially. All I've gotta do now is to study the best I can, make them proud, getting good results and all that stuff. But I don't know man. I.... don't know if I can do this. What if fail? What if I can't graduates? What if?

My dad seems to put too much trust on me, too much pride about how I will make their life better one day. But what if that one day never came? because I fail to make them proud? Now I'm scared that I'll disappoint them. I'm scared that if I fail doing my best in my studies, they'll be paying for my studies for nothing. I know very well that right now, all I've gotta do is study, do the best I can, no more procrastinating and just focus making them proud.

It's so easy to say all of it. But it's really hard you know. I do have some great friends that helping me with my study so far. I depend on them, they depend on me. We're a great team. But I'm just not sure if I can do it. Things that we're currently studying is quite okay for me, I can do it quite okay as well. But, we can't predict the future right?

I know, they're not wrong for putting high hopes on me. I appreciate that. Really. I know this might be my callings, like sis Jaba told me. But I just feel so weak, so..... I don't know. I don't know what worries me actually., Clearly, I know what I should do and how I can do it. But this indescribable feelings that growing inside me it just making me doubting myself. I'm not sure what I'm actually feeling. I try to make myself cry ya know. But no, I can't cry hahahaha and it's really affecting my performance in studying because I keep on spacing out for no reason, I even cut myself because It's really reeally frustrating me. I don't even know what I'm feeling. I feel so........ *sighs*

Stupid feelings. I wish someone slapped my face so hard right now. But for some reasons, I'm honestly worry about everything. I don't mind about me anymore. That phase already in the past. I lived myself normally so far. It just this stupid feelings that coming in the way. I need a hug. hahahahaha

Well, I guess that's all for now. I'll update soon.
P.S: Let Your Smile Cover Up Your Tears
P.SOne. hehe: Logan Lerman is dating Alexandria Daddario. I'm sexy free and single HAHAHAHA

School and Stuff.


Hello, again! I'm back hahaha well, I've been seriously busy lately and assignment duedate is hitting me like a machine gun bullet. hahaha like for only this month, I have like two assignment need to be done. Next month, another two presentation to be done. So, I'm pretty much busy. hahahaha XD and yeah, I kinda took the Seminar subject which mean I now have 6 subjects to study for this semester. It's mostly presentation though, even though I prefer written assignment but TwinTech students really more into presentations. So I'm bracing myself right now and try to work with my presentation skills. Like seriously.

But thinking back about everything and putting aside the packed schedules of due dates I'm having, I think I can do this and it's pretty exciting ya know because most of the assignment we're gonna do is individual. hahahaha 'individual' is my favourite words. hahahaha Plus, I can say that my english pronunciation is pretty good and i have good research skills too so I think I'm going to survive this semester pretty good. hahahaha well, not to say this is going to be easy for me since you know how lazy I am. So I'll have to work out with my laziness though. 

But worry not! I am changed man. hahahaha I've just done my FM assignment for chapter one and two and I'm like OMG! I did it! hahahaha and currently, I'm working on my TITAS writting assignment and probably will start doing a little on it presentation as well. I was thinking of working on my IHRM on Monday, as well as a bit for my TITAS presentation and probably making a little research for my Seminar presentations. Since TITAS and Seminar presentation, I only have a week gap to present them both. 

I'd say, 'time is running out' by Muse is pretty much describing my life today hahahaha. and then, I'm told that after chinese new year, there'll be our impromptu assignment for Public Speaking class and sometimes there, we'll be having IHRM and Public Speaking presentation as well. AH! speaking of PS presentation, I need to think of a topic to be presented. (T__T) I was thinking of doing some; which might gonna be rejected which is;

1. Which is better? PS4 or Xbox One @ Call of Duty vs  Battlefield
LOLs I know! hahahahaha and and my favourite;

2. Should Anime be banned? 

anddddddd I think i'm going to present about that one mwahhahahahaha because for the love of anime! it shouldn't be ban at all like dudeeeeeee~ anime is like giving life lesson to everyone and teach us what is good and bad like like for example, naruto! he thought us to chase our dream and guess what?! he did and become hokage. Blue exorcist thought us that family is important and say that you love them before things are too late like like what happen to rin and shiro-san. he regret it after shiro-san die and me too. I feel it in my bones. The emotions is like so very strong it hit me like a nail. hahahaha anyway, my real point here is that, anime shouldn't be banned BUT it can be put under censorships like, 0only selective genre of anime. Not directly banned the anime for real. Come on, like think about the childrren! i mean, anime lovers like myself. We can't lives without anime. no anime, no life. 
My conclusion is no. It shouldn't. It can be put under censorships but not be banned permanently. Well, like even though the government would probably try to banned it, hardcore fans will always find their ways to watch them like from social websites such as tumblr, twitter, or maybe deviant art, or some anime video related websites like animeexceed or something. 
By taking anime from us, it's like trying to say that we cannot love something that we love. think about all the cosplayers, the collectors... right?
hahahahaha 

or or maybe I'll put it like this;
3. Why liking anime is trending world-wide? or smething like that. Man, I can go on and on about this hahahahhahahaha XDDD
well, first things first, i need to work on that topic name and convince Ms. Eunice that it;s really pretty good topic hahahaha XDD
anyway, I should go now. it's almost 12 though so.... yeah. time to sleep. I have class tomorrow. *sighs*

and I've texted val about our sleepover and she didn't reply me. So, i'm like meh. whatever. Because on the second thought, I don't really want to have that sleepover hahahahahahahahha shhhhh, I know! HAHAHAHAHA opss. anyway, I'm pretty much need to sleep now HAHAHAHA and i think I just embarrassed myself on the chat group so I decided not to be in the group for as long as I can hahahahaha XD not that they're my friends anyway. So, not important and I just leave it at that since it's their problem not understanding my jokes. Okay. 

Now I'm going for real. Hope to update real soon and wish me luck! XD

P.S Let Your Smile Cover Up Your Tears!


I guess... *sighs*

Well, hello. hahahaha Yeah, this gonna be short post because I just want to uh, ya know taking some shit out from my head because it's very disturbing me lately. So, I just need to let it out ya know. And since I don't really have anyone to talk to, and yes, I don't feel like talking about it either so I'll just say it all here :)


That picture is all for show hahahaha it has nothing to do with what I wish to tell hahahahaha XDD *ahem* anyway, the things is that I've just finished writing my first short story of 2015. Neh, the one I've wrote about in my last post. So, apparently I've told sis Jaba about it and thought that she want to read it but then... *sighs* I didn't really get the reaction I wanted and honestly it just killing my determination to continue writing hahahahaha yeah, I should let it control me but I can't. I need someone to proofread it or maybe a simple comments about it like is it bad or is it good?

If I'm gonna read it, of course I think it's good because it's my doing, right? But meh. She just like, "Ah good. Post it on wattpad then.." And im like hahah...nah... I'll think about it because I want to change a bit of the story hahahaha *sighs* I just want her to read it but now..... Maybe I should just change the whole story line and make a new one or maybe I should just delete it.

*sighs* I guess I am a bad writer. hahahaha like honestly. Maybe because my story line is too cliche and my english is ya know how bad it is and I know I'm not capable to write something good or original. I'm so not original and never will. It just sucks feeling this way. I've been trying not to let it affect me but my brain is a shit. It keep on reminding me about this. about that moment. I hate feeling rejected hahahaha I mean, who doesnt?

I know that I'm not as good as all the other writers but yeah.... *sighs* I guess I'll just stop writing for a while. I don't know. Maybe I'm just not build for writing? I just hate this. Honestly.

I hope I can focus on my study instead hahahaha yeah.... or just continue reading because that's what I capable of. Just read other people stuff, not making it myself. yeah, I should continue doing that. What's the worst can it be.

I'll write again after I forget about this. hahahhahaha

Happy New Year! hahahahaha

Well, hello 2015! hahaha this is my first post of the year yearghhh~!! I'm looking forward for the best to come because I will keep believing that things gonna be great for me this year. I can smell it in my bones hahahahaha Anyway, so far things are great for me and yesterday I've my first class and I'm like WOOOOOH! finally! hahahaha and my first class is TITAS which we're going to learn about Tamadun-Tamadun, like we've been learned in Form 4/5 i don't recall but yeah, we're gonna go through that shit once again. BUT! I'm soo fire up and we're going to have our presentation next month. I know, everything is rushing but chill~ hahahaha next week, we're going to have to bring all the materials about our assignment and apparently we're going to do it in class whether we like it or not. So, yeah. hahahaha and then, yesterday also I've got my last semester results and guess what? Ngeeeeee~~~~ I got great marks. Thanks to Starbucks for providing me enough caffeine through the week hahahaha XD Well, I got A minus for both International Business and English Integrated Skills, and C plus for my Strategic Management because I don't really understand that class though but thankfully I get C plus for it hahahaha XD I feel blessed~ hahahaha but my real horror isn't here yet which is Business Math. Hell, I really hope I'll get good grades. I don't mind what grade I'm gonna get as long as I'm not going to resit or anything. I don't want to resit though because resits will definitely affect my GPA even though I have 2A as my results UwU but worry aside, let's hope for the best~ XD

So, today I went out with my one and only bestie, Val. She just got back from Kuching yesterday and actually we both thought about going out next week but then, since we've promised to watch Night At The Museum together last year, so we kinda have to go today because tomorrow is the last day for the movie but we can't go tomorrow because I'm having class from morning until night. *sighs* but we both had fun though. Going around Parkson, our must go place is Super Save but too bad SuperSave is full or tanglung and all the CNY necessity so we both end up didn't buy anything. hahahaha and then we went to this Tee'z shop which is selling cute t-shirt and I bought her female stitch t-shirt as her Xmas present hehehehe and oh, on our way to Parkson just now, she gave me an advance birthday present which is bunch of cute paper clips. This is my second birthday present from her and both are vintage like. hahahaha I really thank her for the lovely present but I'm still awkward so I just said like Awh, thanks val! hahahahaha XD and then, after the movie we went eat at our usual place at four junction around Boulevard area there and we talk about all kinds of stuff, well honestly she do the most talking as usual hahahaha and I'm just adding some and give her my opinion and all that. We talk about an hour and a half then I send her home and even on the way, we talk a lot. hahahaha XD yeah, it's really fun. Until we don't even bother to snap a pictures together hahahaha XD Then, we both planning to have sleep over soon. Since she's only going to be here for three week. So we're thinking maybe around next week. Probably weekends? We'll see. We haven't thought it thoroughly yet. But we did decided to bake some cupcakes. hahahaha XD having sleepover with my bestie is written in my bucket list actually. So, I guess it's gonna come true hahahahaha can't wait! XD

This week definitely a busy week for me and tomorrow, like I said. I'm going to have full-day class *sighs* and then on Friday jengjengjeng~ hahahaha jmy 21st birthday babyy~! but I don't really feel anything though. Well, not that I don't like birthdays, it just that I don't feel a thing. Well, I lied. I do feel something. Responsibility. *sighs* it's a very complicated and heavy words once you realize what it's really mean. hahahaha well, since I'm 21 years old now. I shall try to get my shit together but yes, I'll still be playing around, running like 5 years old and laughing like a banshee and joking like there's no tomorrow, BUT, I've gotta work a bit matured in terms of brain and know what I should prioritize. I've decided that I'll do all my best in my studies, or whatever I'm going to do in the future. I'll do all my best and make my parent proud. Since I'm their only last hope now, I have no time to give up and fucking around. Well, sometimes yes but not always. I know things isn't going to be easy but I have to try doing my very best to go through it because I choose to keep moving and I believe this is my calling. I'm going to make my parent proud and to ensure them that I can make their life better. I'm going to prove them that they can depends on me. SO, yeah. I hope I'm going to make it and that this isn't just some empty talk. Yeah. I shall be strong for my parents. But honest, I'm still worry about my B.Maths. hahahahahaha XD

And *gasped* I've finish my short story which I call Imagination with Logan Lerman. My gosh, I blush the whole story hahahahahahahahahahahahahahah Well, I finished it yesterday but then. I'm still not sure. Maybe I'll reread it again and see if there's something I might change until I'm satisfied with the story line ngehehehehehe I'll post it here once I'm done.
And I kinda looking forward for this Saturday where I'm going to accompany sis Jaba to attend her colleague's weddings. I'm pretty nervous about that but yeah, I'm still going so no worries. I'll just hope that things gonna be great hahahaha *sighs* I can't help it okay. I'm paranoid hahahaha and then I've ask sis Jaba to sleepover and she said yes too. Ah, speaking of sis Jaba though. We've spoke in skype just now, for a while and she seems down about stuff and decided to go offline early. Well, I do understand though because all the pressure and stuff from the workplace and yeah, I should think too much about her reaction hahahaha *sighs* Well, yes. I'm start to think that maybe I did something wrong. I KNOW! I'm sorry! I shouldn't think like that but I'm very sensitive hahhahaha and I'm just recovering so it's a little bit hard for me to stop myself from thinking the negative way. hahahaha I'm a working in progress. Even earlier this morning, I stared at my scars, and when I noticed only some of it visible, my brain start asking me like, why didn't I cut deeper for every scars I have and I have to knock myself out by blasting the music really loud in my ears hahahaha gosh. And well, it's 12:09 now. so I think i shall try to get some sleeps because I have morning class tomorrow. So, I'll be back again soon~ maybe on my birthday. Maybe. hahahahaha we'll see. So good night and happy new year, Mr. Bloggy!


P.S Let Your Smile Cover Up Your Tears :)