Oh hey~ *cough* i mean, greetings, humanoids. This will be a very short updates since I'm in the middle of studying actually. I have my fourth paper today which is Human Resources. I won't say its pretty easy nor it is hard to study, well its depends on my brain actually whether it can remember everything i'm trying to study right now or it will poof just like farts hehehei~
But anyway, not important for now. Well, you see... Last few days ago or should i say for the last whole month ago, i was having a very bad depression that i eventually having my paranoia on top of my head that i thought i can never survuve it. I mean, seriously. I'm barely hanging on you see. I keep on seeing the world aroud me in negative ways and maybe... Well, or i'm pretty sure that i've hurts numberes of people's feelings. Yeah, quite a selfish act, i must say.
So, in regard for that... I want to make an apology for those people i've hurt. You guys have nothing to do with it and it just me having some kind of downfalls whoch caused by my scumbag brains. Ugh. Sometimes I really wish i can mute the voices behind my head you see. If i'm weak, if i don't have enough strength to keep on living, i think i'm losing for them. I mean, they're very manipulative. But they're useful sometimes :)
I'm out of topic. Hahaha anyway*cough* i'm very much sorry about what i've said or technically, typed. Especially my last two post which i blame some people for something but that thing doesn't really matter actually. What pass is passed. I mean come on, we're all make mistakes and seriously, i can't even keep some secret up for too long okay? I'm a promise breaker myself. So, since it was my own fault, i'm very sorry, i really do and i really mean it. I'm sorry for, maybe my words were to harsh on you guys and i don't know what i was thinking that time. I don't think i even thinking right about the consequence that time. Anger took over me. Anger of being found out that i was sharing the secret with you guys which i was told not too.. ( see, i'm a secret breaker myself) I was mad at myself to be honest. Not you guys but i must say that i admit that i actually did make a twisted story over there, which is even though i said i didn't blame you guys but the words i'm typing were actually did. But really, you see. I don't intend to blame you guys. It just, hmmm... How to say this. I was just shock with the news my mom told me and anger filling me and tearing me apart. I'm started to feel that i was betrayed. Well, i believed i was. Hahaha seriously. Nonsense. But in this couple of days, i'm resorting back everything and i found that i was wrong all along. No one betrayed my trust, no one have done bad for me. It was me all along. Well, at least that part i was right hehehe and yeah, my paranoic-juice were spilling my brain that time that it had over controlled more than half of my positicity. Thank God. He again saved me from seeing lies that my brain have let me see. Really.
And seriously. I'm very much sorry about this matter man. I mean it. I'm sorry that I might have given you hard time, puzzling that complicated brains of yours. I'm sorry that if my stupid clumsy paranoic brain has make you feel guilty for nothing and make you feel worthless. I have no intention to make you feel bad dude. You are one of the important person in my life and also the best dude i ever had since forever. I know that i have making you feeling bad like this for like dozens time now i think. I understand that if you are hesitate to forgive me this time but i just want you to know that I'm very sorry. O can't say it when i'm facing you because i admit that i'm a coward. Because i'm the guilty one. So, i hope that you would stumble with this post and read it. So you will know that i'm sincerely sorry for what i've done. I won't ask you to forgive me though since i know that i have deserve enough forgiveness from you from the past that i feel like i don't deserve any for now.
I'm very sorry, dude. I mean it.