Brighter Post? I guess... hahahaha

Konbanwa~ hahahaha as promised, I'm back again. wahahaha and yes, today is pretty lousy day for me but pretty cool since I only have 1 and half hour class weee! BUT tomorrow, I'll be at school whole day since I have two class, morning and evening. *sighs* and today also, I've won my first victory in class; in teamwork I mean. I said what I think is right and the other member agreed with me and now we're doing the assignment in our way. Since the appointed leader seems to be clueless what is teamwork means. like he want to do everything first and then distribute it to each one of us so we can check it. I mean, dude, it's teamwork. Teamwork means that everyone gotta do their part and then we can check each other's work. *sighs* But yeah, I'm very happy that he finally not opposing the idea. Like seriously. hahahaha haaaaaa.... It's been a while i didn't feel this good. hahaha :3 Usually, I don't speak out but yeah, I'm doing it for the good of my other teammates too. I know they're not comfortable with the idea of him doing everything for the assignment and plus, the guy should be very aware that it's a group work and not individual work. 

Oh, by the way. I haven't told you that I'm now a degree student. hahaha unbelievable eh? Like almost every single post I've wrote in here is about me opposing the idea of taking degree under business but here I am! hahaha :3 officially a degree student. But I'm not taking Account and Finance anymore and yes, I've change my course into International Business. My mom know about it but I don't think my dad realized it since he keep on saying that I should pass and be accountant one day. I'll be just like meh, whatever dad. wahahaha :3 I mean, even if I told him that I'm taking IB, it's not that he's gonna listen to me and it's just giving me more stress. I'm stressful enough already and I don't wanna make it badder. hahaha So, I'll just keep it as a secret and if they really want me to be an accountant, I'll just take the ACCA level outside.

And ummm, Oh right! I'm actually going to have my midterm next week and I want to score in that test. I should be studying right now and I am having the urge to study hahaha :3 but I just want to update this blog for a while and I need my bath. So I can do my homework with more fresh feelings. hahahaha and ah! next weekend, there's going to be MACGcon in town in which the cosplay competition will be held. Not taking part but I'm excited to wear my costume. I'm going to be Psyche Orihara Yay! and speaking of Psyche, I've ordered his headphone from some chinese website called Taobao with the help of my chinese friend, ShockHui. hahaha and there's so many cosplay stuff and anime stuff oh my god. I just can't. I even bought Noiz cap kehehehehe 

Other than becoming cosplayer, I was also thinking of continuing my goals of becoming ulzzang wannabe. hahahaha I mean, yeah.I just need to work on my self-confidence and learn not to care too much of what people gotta say about how my fashion sense is since my idea of fashion is more towards Japanese and Anime so it's pretty weird for people in Miri. hahahaha There's not many otaku or those who knows anime around here so it's kinda bit disappointing hehehe :3

I'm currently watching Thor: the Dark World. Well, not exactly watching it. I just turn on the tv and here I am. hahahaha :3 I want to take a bath and then going to do my homework. And tomorrow, I'll just need to pass up. Yep, I shall do my best this year since it's degree and I have no time to play around. Wait! Scratch that. I do have time to play and I need my play time too it just that I need to keep them balance. Yep, that's true. I just need to keep my work and play mode in balance. 

For this semester, I'm going to have 8 weeks holiday and I was thinking of getting a part-time job for the whole 8 weeks. At least I'm going to have some pocket money for myself right? It's pretty embarrassing to ask money from my mom even though she doesn't really complaint about it but still, I'm a grown up and it's pretty embarrassing hehehe :3 So, I just want to have my own money and dude, I can have some working experience too ya know. hehehe :3 So, I've told Lalan last time that if she's going to have a part-time job for the holiday, I told her to tell me as well. 

Other than that, Um...... what else? 
ummm...... Oh I decided to not dwell to much with negativity and will never give up no matter how much life pushing me down. It's because this one quote from otomegame in which it says like; 
"He won't push you down the cliff if he doesn't believe that you can climb back up to the top" and I'm like true, true. hahahaha so, in my case, He is of course referring to our Father in heaven. It's true right? it's like God will never put you through something you can't. 
So, it's pretty good quotes and it's make me realize that, no matter how rough my day is, there's always something good happen after that. It's like God just want me to learn from those mistakes I made and survive my dark phase. hahahaha yeah, I've been in my dark phase for too long now and I want to swim through it. I'm done giving up and I want to move on. 
I'm sure this life will get tougher but bring it on! hahaha Just kidding. I just have to fight this self-harm thing first before I move to the next level. hahaha :3

Haa~ I know you guys miss my pretty face hahahaha :3 but this was my old pic. Um, not so old but yeah, it's like last month pic to be exact kehehehe. I miss my long bangs *sighs* Oh well, it's pretty long too nowadays but the only problem is now that my hair is zigzag-ing *sighsss* i wanna straightened it again. hahahah and dyed my hair ashbrown wahahaha and then I can cosplay as Eren or some other character that have brown hair yay! hahaha :3

Okay. enough. Speaking of cosplay, I was thinking of cosplaying lots of character like, like from naruto, karneval, SNK, K-On hahahaha I Knoww~!! but it just the matter of money and confidence actually. *sighsss* hahahaha oh well, I'll just do it slowly. hehehe well, not that I'm gonna cosplay as the character directly. I'm just wanting to have their uniform as my possession hahaha and if I die, at least I can write in my last statement that I want to be buried while wearing SNK uniform. At least it's gonna make me die as a warrior hahahahaha :P
Speaking of dying. There's one time, I was thinking of slitting my wrist deeply but something hold me back. I don't know what it was but it's like suddenly my brain goes blank and I ended up cutting my upper wrist and continue my shower and pretend it never happen. hahahaha and the suicide thought comes and goes but it's not as often as it use to be. I guess I'm pretty okay now. 

And ah, I've just tried to draw some random anime character just now but I didn't finished it since I lost my confident in drawing hahahaha and I feel like, why do I even bother drawing? I can't even drawing it right. I don't have the talent and shit like that. But I really want to draw so badly. I guess I need more practice but then, no matter how many times I practice, I can't seems to make  any progress. *sighss* hahahaha oh well, I guess I don't have that talent naturally like people often said to me. I'm just a wannabe mangaka. hahahaiwai.

Maybe that's why God show me this path towards business. Maybe because He knows that I'm not talented enough to pursue my childhood ambition and bring shamed to the entire clans. hahahaha Haaaaa *sighs* I'll just make drawing as my hobby from now on.

SO, that's all for now. I want to take my bath and do my homework. Yosh! byebyebee

Let Your Smile Cover Up Your Tears (>__0)v

Shit Happen.

Hello~ hello~ it's been ages I didn't write here hahaha well, there's nothing much happening around me honestly. It's just the same old things. But, I'm getting used to it, it's like it's happen too much and I'm like meh. hahahaha and yeah, I've been wanting to write since forever but yeah, I'm so lazy and often stuck in the middle of typing introduction like this wahahaha :3
Anyway, things has been different nowadays and I've been learning how to fight the urge to hurt myself anymore. Yes, the struggle is real especially whenever I have the urge and at the same time my eyes saw the razor box. it's like man~~~~ hahahaha I feel like banging my head on the wall ya know. Sometimes, the urge to cut would rise up every time something happen.

And speaking of things happen, I've just heard about something huge is happening right now in the family. Well, not our family but the entire family. Another crises rises up. It's um, about one of my cousin chyi who tells sis jon that my uncle spone has been talking bad things about her husband and how much she hate my dad actually. I'm like what the hell are ya talking about?! if not because of my dad, she's still fucking stayed in Bakong. They'll be living in the roadside if my dad didn't let them stayed in his Lutong house back then. What the fuck?! Only I can hate my dad. wahahaha ((shut up. I'm Tsundere okay)) anyway, that's not the real problem here. It's like, why the fuck did she has to tell jon about what Uncle Spone told her about??! what a bitch. I know!!! I'm so pissed and what the hell.

Okay, it's all started with the boat price. What I heard is like Chyi's husband was going to buy a boat for Jon's husband and it's cost around 10 thousand something but then, Unc.Spone told my mom that the price of the boat is 15thousand in which what Indai told him. So, my mom just want some confirmation of the price from mak ulit and she told her la about what she heard from unc.spone and that's when Mak ulit told her that jon's called her last night and told her that Chyi said that unc.spone say bad things about her husband and shit like that and then how she hate my dad because last time, my dad kinda told her husband that her dad is a piece of lazyass shit. I mean, Gosh. Isn't that the truth?! Her dad is Seriously a piece of lazyass Shit and Pervert. *sighs*

I don't know where's the connection of telling the price of a boat and with all the shit. hahahaha it's like so fucking confusing and just now, I saw jon updating her facebook status and saying shit like she was disappointed because feeling betrayed with a family member which i guess it was for Unc.spone. I mean, dude~ she heard all the shit from Chyi. How can she's not learning from the past? Like Who the fuck did make everything in the family turns upside down? who the fuck that always make up some shit so people we're all bad guy??! if i'm her, I would be really upset but I would look at other's perspective as well. Like, come on. *sighs*

I don't know. I don't know which side I'm gonna take but yeah, I guess I wouldn't getting involves like I used too. I mean, I don't want things to be bad again like everyone isn't going to spend time together anymore and everything there's between us is all hate no more love. It's hurtful like that. I'm a very sensitive person. AND about that bitch saying that she'll hate my dad forever, please do so. You know karma is a bitch too. She's definitely has forgotten the one who open the door towards better living for them and who has been there to support them whole the way up. and now, they're at the top, they started to hate the one who bring them to the top. Fine, okay. Hate my dad meaning hating me too. I mean, I do hate him as well but he's still my dad and I owed him big time. And for uncle spone, I know he has pathetic life and his family is broken. I know he's a drunkard but at least he work for his success and WAY better than her lazyass shit dad. *rolled eyes*

and also for Jon, I hope she would open her eyes widely and realized that bitch is all talk. What if the thing she said was like 2000 years ago? it's not even recently? What if?! and if she ever go on and disliking Unc.Spone, then that's mean, she forgotten everything that unc.spone has done for her family and stuff. And instead of blaming it on other, then why not she tell her husband to keep on looking for a job instead of waiting for the job to come? and prove it to everyone that he wasn't lazy like what people said? Job wasn't gonna come to you like that if you're not going to do anything to get it. Unless you're a genius or something. If you're a mere human, then work for it.

Shitty stuff happens I guess. hahahaha *sighs* oh well, I guess that's it for now. I shall update again soon. I mean, later after class since I have class at 1.oo but I need to take the photocopied book from the store ahahaha so need to go early. I promise I'll write out something brighter later on hahahaha :3

Adieu <3

Let Your Smile Cover Up Your Tears