Part Seven: I'll Be Dealing With This Alone :)


I'm just going to unleash my inner fan-girl a bit in this post about my real OTP hahahaha XD yes, I shipped TaeHoon so bad that its hurt because ChiHoon left Ulzzang Shidae few years back T^T but still, he's still posting pictures on his cyworld and other websites. Well, I've heard la, from his hard-core fans. hehehe :) I personally love my edits :3 I'm so proud of it that I could cry right now. hahahaha like seriously.

It's been a while I didn't post picture of Ulzzangs in here. So yeah, as you can see, I'm back again to m Ulzzang fandom and I think I'm going to stay in this fandom for a moment. kekeke and of course I'm still in Anime Fandom Okay?! hehehehe :3 anyway, right now I suppose to study my Organizational Behaviour since I'm having exam later evening LOLs. I'm fucked up I know! hahahahaha and even more fucked up on Friday and Saturday *cries in the corner* hahahahaha But I'm going to do my best though. So, I thought that I'm going to release my distraction here for a bit before I get down to business. hohohoho :)
So, just hope I'm not going to spend my whole morning here though ahahaha since I really don't studying so yeah *wink*

Okay~ another edits of pictures. This one is tributes to sis Jaba newest fictions and as well as my most favourite after Levedad kekeke:3 God! I just love this Yaoi fic. Yes, you read that right. It's a Yaoi fics which the pair is TaeJun and Chihoon. Ohohoho XD this pairing is just freaking perfects. OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG. hahahahaha XD

Well, at the same time, I'm writing my own fics too but mine is SNK fan-fictions. hehehe but then I lost my confident in continuing writing that since you know, Jaba perfect English and her powerful sentence is just... wow. I'm no match with her at all. I'm like, wow. hahaha she could explain every movements of the character very well that I could even imagine it like I'm watching Anime. Like seriously. My English just suck you know. Like I always said, even three years old can write even better than me. I just, I don't know... Sometimes I feel like I'm not born to write but I do loves writings. Like this, I mean... I can write for the whole week non-stop you know. hahahaha but yeah, the problem is I'm not very confident since my English sucks T^T *rolls on the grass*

I feel even worst when I read Jaba's fics. Hahahahaha sshhhhh don't tell her this though. I don't want her to stop writing because of me since it's her hidden passion you see. I mean, I can see that it's the only things that make her look lively and in good mood. hehehehehe so, yeah. Just don't ever tell her *pinky promise* Well, honestly said. I'm pretty envious with her writing skills. Like seriously, she's born to write. She don't even need to like go to writing class or what-so-ever. All she need to do is sit there and writes and everything come out perfect. Gosh, I admired her so much that its hurt. hahahaha XD I wish I have that kind of talent you know. But my talent is like, uh.... reading and roll on the floor hahahaha XD or or counting the grass. I don't think I ever had any talent, other than procrastinating. LOLs. pity me.

Anyway, I seriously wanted her to keep continue on writing. Like it's her hidden talent and she's like very clueless about it. I want to be there and support her until she realized about it herself. Maybe one day, she'll realized that she can go further in writing industry. I mean, come on. She had the potential okay? hahahaha so, I'm gonna say this again. If she ever manage to finish her Levedad one day, I'm going to print it out and maybe I would look for publisher without her knowing it. hehehe :3 I just want her to know that she have bright future. Even if the whole world (families) might against her, I'm going to stay with what I believe in. I believe she can be a real writer in the future. Well, free-lance writer to be exacts. kekeke ;3

This is I promised to myself :)

So, you see. I'm pretty much in a bad condition right now. hahahaha *sighs* I'm back with my self-cutting again. Well, honestly I just cuts myself few minutes ago but I feel no pain. It feel like I'm immune with the pain. ahahahaha well, the things is... I don't know what's been bothering me lately but I really feel distracted like a lots of times. I feel like I'm not belong in this world and stuff like that. I just hate it when it happen. And especially when I feel angry, I would automatically reached for the blade and cuts again. Wow, I just. Well, I'm not proud of this and I just want to stop but I just too weak that I bowed to the temptation. I just, well... I think no one knew that my addiction to self-harming is pretty bad lately. Like well, I do shares with sis Jaba about this but then, it just like ordinary conversation like I'm telling her like "Hey, I self-harmed again today," or something like that. hahahaha honestly. I think I should stop telling her about it. I mean, I don't want to burden her anymore like worrying about me and stuff or maybe I think she's worried about me. hahahaha

Ugh... I think, the reason I'm not fond to stop self-harming is that because I feel like no one really care even if I bleed to death. I mean, well of course those I've been telling is like "You should stop because I care a lot about you," something like that but it words is just a words right? Anybody can say that. Even I can say that to strangers. I'm just not convinced about that kind of shit anymore. Maybe, if they show me prove, I would. But so far, none. *sighs* I'm demanding I know and I'm just. *sighs*
I lost my trust to everyone, like I've told you in my previous post. I lost my trust in words because I'm sick and tired of empty promises. I mean, I really need those who said they care to SHOW me that they really care but it's too much to ask though. hahaha well, just forget it. I'm going to pretend that I've stop then. ehehehe and I'm not going to burden anyone anymore. It's my problem, so I'll deal with it :)

So, I have another project to do for my upcoming semester break. Hohohoho. In fact, I've been planning a few projects for the whole 2 weeks. yeah~ hahahaha and I just can't wait for it! god, I'm so looking forward for my semester break. But I need to go through hell first before end up in heaven. kekekeke :D

Well, there are 7 things I'm listing for my Semester Break Project

1. changing room wallpaper
2. rearranging stuff in le precious room
3. Writing Project
4. Anime Marathon Project
5. True Blood Marathon Project
6. Weight Loss Project. (I'm targeting for 60 Kg) hehehe
7. Self-Healing Project ( like going to continue writing my feelings on blog )

So yeah. My 2 week holiday will be just awesome! hahahahahaha I hope I'm not going to procrastinate too much though. ahahaha seriously, I'm very good at procrastinating in this few months. hahahahahaha XD

So, I guess that's all from me. I want to bath then I shall study with all my guts. Okay bye!
Have a nice day

P.S Let Your Smile Cover Up Your Tears ;)

Abandoned Post O.O

Hi~ hi~ ! greetings humanoids.
I'm back again after few days of MIA from mr. bloggy. hehehe gomenasai! i'm pretty much busy spending time in Tumblr in this few days. Haish, I don't even try to do my marketing assignment you know and when the fact is that I'm going to present on this tuesday T^T. Well, I'm trying my best to get in the mood right now but my head was very distracted hahahaha I don't know why. I'm just pretty much distracted right now. Anyway, yesterday, I read this one Yaoi manga and it's so fluffy and sexy at the same time. ohohohoho even the character drawn was very detail. if you know what i mean  hahahaha then that its strike me. hahaha like what have i become? am I a pervert? hahahaha oh well, I can't say though. Since my curiosity definitely on top of my head. I always wonder how to men be together hahahaha together in bed i mean. hohoho. Demo, I'm not the only one who are BL fans hohoho XD

So, I'm now in fandom of Shingeki no Kyojin (Attack on Titans) as well as part-timing in becoming Ryugamine Mikado of Durarara!! ahh, now in Mikado's blog is full of SNK arts hahaha. I'm feeling that I'm making Mikado looks like he was adoring SNK character haishh. hahaha oh well, i can't stop reblogging SNK since my Mika-chan dashboard is full of SNK. I can't help it >.< Well, I haven't watch anime version yet since I'm thinking to watch it on my precious holiday on September. hehehe :)
Speaking of SNK, like every other anime I've watched, I also have my OTP hehehe and that is dun dun dunn~~~!!


I can't get enough of this two.
I mean, for me they are both so perfect with each other ahahaha
Damn >.<
I'm actually liking Levi Rivaille since he was so cool and so talented in killing those titans you know
the fact that he's the fastest soldier of Scounting Legion when using 3DMG. waaah.. perf... just perfect. this was when I was reading le manga. then, I took a sneak peak at anime for a couple of episode and that's when I feel like I'm into Eren Jeager as well. hehehe :) He look much better in anime than manga though. In my opinion lah. And uh, Eren is very determined kid and had too much too handle you see. hmmm... but that's doesn't make him giving up you see. so that's why I like him. So, there comes my OTP hehehe :)
Actually, at first i was in ArminXEren ships. 

Um... what else? life nowadays? well, nothing much had change somehow. Everything still fucked up and I just don't know when this gonna end. Pressure, pressure everywhere. I'm just losing it at times you know and the urge to cut is sometimes came back to me but I try real hard not to bow down. hahaha like seriously. Even some of the days, I looked at my fading scars and thought like, "I could cut deeper," hahaha seriously. But as the scars fades, I feel proud of myself. I'm able to stand up now but I'm still can't have my confidence about myself yet. hahaha maybe I'll try to fulfill my basic level of needs first. kekeke :3 and uhh....

things that happen is very confusing and frustrating in this few days. I mean, my brother keep asking a very huge amounts of money while my dad is going to retired soon. So, my mom is like, so pissed in this few days and she's like scolded me for everything that she think is wrong in my doings. Then, at times she would randomly told me to study harder and continue on my degrees and stuff and get a good job so I can support her and dad one day. Well, not that I want to say that's wrong. But I still so far from getting my degree and under this kind of circumstances with my teammates and my laziness and pressures I keep on getting, I don't think I can make them proud. I don't even feel like I can pass this upcoming exam you know. I mean, I'm... I just I don't know... I feel so small when it come to study. I'm not a good student, not a bad either but I just, haishhh.... The lecturers are so bias you see. All of them do. Like they paying double attention on their favorite students. heh, whatever. So, I just couldn't wait to finish my study soon and if can, I want to find another place to continue my study. I think I just need some new environment to be at hahaha >.<
like seriously. 

somewhere far away.

I keep on dreaming to go to Japan one day. ahahaha and I guess this is my most wanted goals to achieve. I want to walk around shibuya streets and take pictures with all the cosplayers and osharekeis on the streets and even buy myself some clothings ughhhh!! I just want to go there. I would buy every anime-related when I go there one day hahaha :) But then, if this matter won't change any time soon, I guess it just become further away from me. Oh well, once I get a job, I definitely going to save it so I can go to japan~!

*this should be posted on 18/8/2013 but I suddenly stop half-way and I wonder why hahahaha >.<
Oh well~ i'll just let it slide for now

P.S Let Your Smile Cover Up Your Tears :)