Four Months To Come. I Feel Like Being Stab In The Back.

AnnyeongHaseyo! ehehe :) long time didn't use that greetings, eh? yeah, i kinda miss it a bit. i admit, i love Korean's phrases! LOL XD anyway, talking about phrases, there are phrases saying "Don't study until eleventh hour" which tells that don't study right before the exams. hehehe :) i suddenly thought about this phrases because i want to warned everyone that SPM is around the corner!! WHOAA i could believe it myself! i'm so worried to death! GAH! i haven't done any relevant stuff! i haven't touch any practice book! even homework, i didn't finish any one of them!!! i'm dead, SO DEAD!! i saw a very large improvement among my classmates. well, of course they do. unlike me. still in the same level! Loser's Level, i believe T.T my second trial also not good enough you know. still have those red marks written on my paper. but still, i got a little improvement though, even though it still not satisfied me but still i have 2 or 3 marks improving. all i have to do now is to hit the books before its too late :)

 ahhhh~ i'm so deeply in depression right now! i wanted to find things that could fire my spirits up so that i could gain the perfect determination to study, study and study! i wonder how Kong Ek Cheng, Kiu Yun Qian and the rest are studying, eh? they are looking so cool when its come to study but when it come to talking, huh! don't expect them to be serious. hahaha :) Kong Ek Cheng okaylah if she act that way because its been five years i'm in the same class with her =.= but Yun Qian, hmmm.. i thought she was like those kid who talk in minimal amount only and TETT i was wrong! when you get to know her, she is talkative but if you didn't know her, don't expect her to talk to you. hehehe. and yeah, she's always the soft spoken one :) Yun Qian and Ek Cheng, the one who conquer second and top places in class. yeah, they are my most respected student in the school! ekeke :) i guess, they never failed any subjects. if compare to me, i only recover 0.01% of their cleverness, i think. ahaha :D so, i really admiring their cleverness. hmm..hmm.. i already can see their bright future. i am so proud. hahaha :D i talked like proud mommy eh? i know. i already have three child! DUH~ hahaha :D anyhow, i want to be like EkCheng and YunQian :) that is all i ever want for now. i want to be success as they are. i don't mean that i have to be them. what i meant here is i want to be as success as they are :) i don't want to be in the loser's level forever. 

you know why i think i'm in loser's level beside always being in the last places in class? well, you see. in the class, there are a group of people who see me in that way. well, its hard to tell how i can know this. maybe i can feel it in my bones. hahaha :D but truthfully, i know. they look like they likes me but deeply in their heart, i know they were laughing at my marks. it just sad to know the truth but i guess that's what people call as reality. we have to faced it no matter how hard it would be. its not like i want to get those red marks, i just can't understand that certain topic so well. i know i'm not in the same cool level like they are but they shouldn't ever treat me like that. i never treat them bad you know. i never held grudge on them. yeah yeah. i know who i am. i'm just nobody too them. so don't hate me if i didn't treat them good. but they treat me hypocritely*new words* so, i also treat them double hypocritely.  they play nice, i play nice, they play foul, i play foul. easy? yeah, i'm totally on the game right now. they play bitch, i play bitch. i'm really good in playing games. i tell you.  hehehe :) and the most hateful person in my life history is the one who was so call as the 'sickgirl' DUH! i can't hypocrites-ly acted on her. i couldn't help it but to hate her. i don't know why but i have strong hate feeling towards that poor little annoying girl. hahaha :D i feel soo bad right now. in conclusion, i hate them all. i hate them for hating me and stabbing me from behind. i hate them for underestimate me. i hate them for using me just for their own goods. i hate them. i just hate them. this would be our dirty little secret, eh? ehehe :D

Truthfully, i'm carving for the word happiness to be part of my life. as you can see, its just too hard for me to find happiness in my life journey, especially when i'm growing older and becoming more matured. Ugh! that's why i said, i don't ever want to grow up. I miss all the old memories when i was still a child, where i was still being so naive and don't even know if that particular person hates me. if i had a wish, even just one wish, i would wished to have two more wishes. LOL XD just kidding. what i meant to say is, i would wish for happiness and everything in my life is good and nothing bad about it. you may don't understand how i really feel but i just want you guys to know that i'm desperately want to feel the happiness in me. if happiness can be bought, i guess, i wouldn't even have the chance to have it as i'm so pokai right now. hahaha :DD haishh! but surely i thanked to Kang Hyuk Min for posting dorky pose. ehehehe :) surely helping me forgetting those terrible stuff that i've been facing through this few years of  being teenagers. hehei :D thanks hyukMinnie XDD

so, i guess that is all for now. yeah, i feel much better now. 

Oh, before i ended this post, i want to share edited photo of hyukmine XD ehehe :D its just telling some part of what i am feeling right now :) so, enjoy ya guys :D

P.S : Let Your Smile Cover Up Your Tears :)