Crappy Poems; To The Little Scar That Never Leave

Scars that never leave
make my heart torn
I can't do anything to make it better
as the scars is to deep
Even it still bleeding sometimes.

I barely can feel my hearts beating
Its been slower each day
That little scar getting bigger each day
make me feel like I'm gonna finish one day.

Beats by beats,
I felt the pains
The scar that never leave
hurting all the way.
I'm crying
I'm smiling
I'm laughing
Still the scars remains
and can bleed anytime 
of the day.

I just have one wish,
I wish this scar would leave someday
For I'm tired of feeling useless everyday
I want to make myself a person
Not as a lost souls who shouting for helps
all the way. 

Every time I felt lonely on a day,
my hearts beating weakly all the way
make me feel like unworthy lass,
broke to tears for nothing grave.

Hear me spoke
dear heartless scars
I'm a human with a sense
I need to smile for once in a day
but with you here
it's unfeasible to do it that way
I'm sorry scars I have to say
I can't living nicely with you in me
tearing this little heart day by day

I just want a peaceful day
If you gonna stay
please stop hurting,
tell miss brain, stop memorizing
stop remembering all the scary feelings
for I'm tired for being hurting. 

Scars that never leaves,
you taught me something by experiencing
I'm sorry heart for make you hurting
but I'm not the one who choose that way
I'm just planning and wait for it
things happen for a reasons,
Scar that never leaves also have a reasons
I learnt so much from the scars I hate.

I still have long way to walk
I know I'm going to be hurt much more
and there will be a countless scars
So, I'm sorry, my little heart,
You have to suffer more.

To the scars that never leave,
Thank you for teaching me
about life and death
Now I can face them confidently.

Just Some Little Thought :)

Hey Hey! I'm back yaw! hahaha :)
Yeah, it's been a while ^__^

Well, I just about to write the review for chapter 4 & 5 but my mind got distracted. Now,my mind is in complete disaster. I was just having minor shock about what mum's told be just now. I just... I don't know. ehehehei :) I know this time would come anyway, I just can't believe it. hahahaha :D Well, sure its not exactly NOW, but I know, I can feel it in my bones, it will be SOON.

Mum told me that she and dad went to meet the one that they paid to do the arresting stuff. And they quite often seeing each other nowadays. As i could remembered before, mum told me that if they are about to arrested him, they will have to meet each other a lots. So, yeah... I think they are in progress doing so. Not likely I'm against what they're doing now, just that I don't think I'm ready to lose my only brother. You know how much I cherish him, right? He does hurting my mum a lot but still, no other brother can replaced him, he is my one and only brother :) I don't know... how to explain what I'm currently feeling right now, but yeah, It's just hard for me to just breathing, I'm suffocated with all the kind of stuff; like the way he treats mum, the way he yelled, the way he threw the ketchup, the way he rebelling, crashing his car, lying to mum, and so on. But seriously, even though he's being aggressive towards mum and dad, he never done any of it towards me, he would ask properly from me when he wanted to borrow stuff. he never mad at me when I told him that I want to borrow his PS2. He just the most wonderful brother, I don't know what's lead him to do this evil stuff but yeah... I know and I have faith that deep inside him, still have that humanity. He's a wonderful being. He always told me that he really wanted to join the U.S army and how he adored all the Nascar car, and I know, he's very talented. He modified all the car model and make his own racing car. I once watched him doing the modification and seriously, I thought he was very creative. He's one of my inspiration and the one who makes me fell in love to draw things. Once, I still remember, he drew me a car. I wish I still have it but I think mum had thrown everything away when we're moving out from our old house. If he didn't get involved with that shitty stuff, i think he would have been a very good brother, son and a father. He just choose the wrong path and lost...

I don't know how it's going to feel after I lost him later. I just can't imagine it. I know we never have that real talk as we both locking ourselves in each other's room. But, whenever he saw me around, he seems like searching for opportunity to talk to me and he would even talk about those stupid things, like games, how his pendrive didn't work out and how his lappy now turned into desktop, hehehei :) and how to install bluetooth mouse, where can he bought those headphones. hmmm.... I think I'm gonna miss him like a lot :) I wish I could turn back time and slapped his past self and told him not to do it. but things happen, Oh well, I just can accept the fate, eh? Mum must think that I don't care about that kind of stuff as I always put on my poker face when she talk about it, but yeah... I just don't want to make things worst. She doesn't know that i'm as well hurting inside. because I love my brother, I respect him no matter how many times people insulted him, how they call him beast, devil, lazy, I just respected him. because I know he's a good person and still is.  he did yelled, ONCE when he was drunk, that time I'm scared of him.. But all I could remember, that was his one and only time he yelling at me. He never did again.

Sometimes, I wish I never would talking about him as it would making all the sweet memories we had together flowing back in my mind. and I would ended up crying hahahaha :) yeah. I am, now. ekekekeke :) Silly me...thank god, mum and dad went out, and he is in his own room with one of his minion.

Sometimes, I really wish that I'm a boy myself. If I'm a boy, I would be his friend and maybe I could dragged him back to reality and make him a better person. I would have that courage to stop him doing such stupid things, and yeah...If i'm a boy, I would be his friend and he wouldn't have seek for other friends and getting involved with wrong friend like now. I would tagged along with him, playing games with him, sharing stories, lives together, giving each others advice in love and games, sharing thought, and shared interest. How I wish I'm a boy. things would get better, mum and dad would have happy life. I know, he's lonely... he needed a friend that's why he took the chances to do drugs, as he thought that was the only way to get friends. Those fucking people aren't his friends, they just want to share with him the fucking pills.I know this because his rebellious self shows after the death of brother Jose, he's one and only best friend. They were like twins before. Where my brother go, Jose would be at his side. That's why, I really wish I'm a boy, I would replaced Jose perfectly and be his companions. I would have done that. I would have....

Well, I guess I better stop writing now, ahahaha :) Overflowing tears, will cause flood inside house. ekekekeke :)) Just to tell few last things; He may be the dumbest and the craziest and the eviliest person in your eyes, but I won't change my mind about that he's the greatest brother that ever lives in my world. He just the most amazing person, One day... He'll show you. I know because I have faith on him. because I respect him, because I Love Him.

Dear Father in Heaven,
King of King
True God of True God,
I humbly say this prayer to you,
With great hopes filling this scarred heart,
I would humbly ask from you,
My Lord,
Blessed my brother and show him the true path
Shine your light into him
Cast the evil spirits that attached to him
Show him you grace,
Forgives all his sins,
Make him believe in You like I do,
Guide him towards the path of truth.
I know I did ask a lot from You,
but You are my only hopes,
My Lord.
Cleanse his souls from all evil
Heals his wounded hearts
Make him stay away from evils
Let him not falls into evil temptations. 

P.S : Let Your Smile Cover Up Your Tears :)