Pieces Of My Heart -Pgie-

I felt like my heart is crumpled like an old piece of paper,
I can't barely felt my heart pounding beautifully as ever,
I suffocated in the life of guiltiness
After I push you away from my life.
I never felt so much misery in my whole life
Until I made that baddest decision of my life
Decision that make us apart
Decision that make our friendship destroy.

I miss all the great memories that we've have
I miss all the crazy ideas that we've shared
I miss everything that we did when we had a blast
The memories drive me crazy all the time but still I ignored
For I choose to listen what my head says instead of listening to what my hearts wants.

I admit I miss you to be part of my life
The time I realize I could lose you for I don't know until when,
I could feel my heart sank and its never beating in sweet rhythms anymore
I had another greatest lost of my heart.
Yes, I do happy when you're wasn't around
but it didn't last long
It never felt the same even after I had a great laugh
I must tell that you only can make my heart joyful.
I wish I could win your forgiveness back
But I truly understand if I couldn't 

Simply said,
I'm shame of myself for pushing you away,
That's make I feel shameful to face you back,
I'm sure that I'm the baddest friend that you ever had
Which that I'm very regret too.
I hope you read this poems and stuff it deep in your heart
For through this,
you could feel the feeling that Istuff throughout this poems,
A feeling that I can't possibly show against my egoistic self.
I conclude this poems with the simple words which I always wanted to say
I'm Sorry.

A Very Long Story :)

AnnyeongHaseyo and Hello to my Mr.Bloggy :) Oh, it's feel like a decade I hadn't wrote my blog. Sorry sorry! I just don't feel like it because I'm too busy with school and stuff. Even I getting involved in family drama. haha :) Oh, yes. I'm in an unofficial drama. hehehe and I hate it with all my life. Life drama isn't as bad as those family drama we often watch on tv. In fact, it is way more bad than that. It's suck! haha :) Well, I've got lots too tell in this very post you know, like about my grades, stressfulness, my stupid brother, my friends, and stuff. Oh, before that, I want to tell that I'm still the same BlackJack -2ne1 fans- haha :) I'm kinda can't get away from 2ne1. hehehe :) just love the girls. 2ne1 rocks my world! and oh, maybe its late to tell but yeah, SimplePlan, my long lost favourite band had come back with their new album. WOOHOO! and pierre bouvier is damn, cuter than before even though now he maybe around 24+ years old. hehe :) cute oldman. ekeke :) well, he's my bias before and will not going to change it unless he's going to back with his emo's look because I don't like him with long hair. just not suit him :) that's only my personal opinion. No hurt-feeling, na? heheh :) SO, let us move to first sad story.

Kay, school is on my top list because this is one of the most saddening story of my life. You know, I just finished my third trial examination, which determine whether I can get good grades on the real exam or not and NO, I can't have a very good and flying color grades because I'm suck! I'm stupid and i'm SO damn dumb! I get all my science and mathematic exams FAIL. all five! can you imagine how suck I am? I know! pathetic, right?! now i'm so damn stress and I admit, I'm really controlling my tongue from slipping out a nasty words in front of my classmates, teachers and even my parents. I just want to cursed, cursed and CURSED! Oh, damn I'm now so mad at myself. Mad, Sick, and damn i'm stupid. hehehei. see, even my fingers kept on typing the word 'damn' Urgh! I'm very upset with my grades. I don't feel that I could get good grades to make my parents proud of me. I'm just going to make them embarrassed. Oh, I'm so stress right now. Only exactly a month left and I don't know what I should do now. I want to study but too many things about Biology, Chemistry, Physics, Additional Math and Math that I didn't knew. Everything written in the text book or in the work book look aliens to me. I just can't understand it. I'm so dumb. I'm stunned right now. I don't know how to study anymore. Everything I do, nothing goes right. And last time, I checked my range in class, I got the last place in class again. Maybe I'm born to be a loser. I don't know. Now, I don't know why am I typing so many I don't know right now. Maybe because I really don't know what to do to improve myself. hmmm... I just keep on praying so that father in heaven could help me reduce the stress deep inside me. Well, enough about this, I feel like i'm almost leaking right now. hehehe. Lets move another sad story of mine.

"If killing wasn't a sins, I've been done that a while ago" that's what mum always said. Yep, she had her reason why she said that and her reason is, of course and obviously my Stupid Big Brother who never be grateful for what our parent had gave him. This whole year, throughout 2011, mum suspecting him to be involved in drug and last few month, he and mum started to quarelling none stop because he kept on asking money, in a very large amount. Mum never miss a day to cry, she kept on cry, cry and Cry. Sometimes, she even let out her anger on me, the one who didn't even involve in anything about it. Sometimes, I pissed when she did that but I just stood there and act numb because I knew that she's depressed for what my brother had become. I know, she just love him as much as she loved me and I know that she's disappointed about him. Which mother doesn't disappointed if their child is involved with something stupid? Well, maybe she didn't know, but whenever she scold me on something silly, its totally stressing me out. Sometimes, I just couldn't hold my tears, that I ran and locked myself inside the bathroom because I don't want her to see me cry. It would even saddened her more, right? He, i mean my brother, brought dozens of strangers entered our house and party like there is no tomorrow when mum wasn't staying at night (as she had to sleepover and my aunt to take care of my sick grandpa) I have to suffered and I can't sleep well every night for I'm scared that they would kick the room and stormed in and.... We never want to know about what happen next. maybe I could lost my life or worst... All I could do right now is pray for help and hoping that justice will be taken. As the conclusion, I hate my brother. I know hate is such a strong words, but yeah. Hell, I'm so right about it. I HATE HIM. if he doesn't getting involve with something that serious, mum would never cry everyday, would never pissed me off, would never stressing me out and my life would me much better. I wish justice will be served around the corner. I couldn't let myself to see mu cry any longer and Hell, my eyes sore for leaking so many times a day. Sorry for my words. hehe :) I'm not usually use that kind of word, you know. but yeah, I do mad right now.

Friends. Well, I love my friends for helping me a lot in my study, especially Angela Vidda. She had beed helping me a lot lately. So do Ek Cheng and my best friend, Prudence. Now, I could understand a bit on mathematic and Add math. Still, I have three more subject to worried about. hmmm... But, I admit that sometimes they annoyed my especially my best friend, Prudence. I don't know how to explained but sometimes she just pissed me off but yeah, as usual I didn't tell her about that. I just ignored her. haha :) but I don't blame her to be so talkative like that because that's her nature. I can't change her. Actually, I never pissed about that before. I guess, maybe my stress level is reaching the baddest top in the level of stressed. I mean, my stressfulness make me pissed about her talkative nature. hehehee. sorry Dence! :) You know, not just her who pissed me, sometimes random people also pissed me. hahaha :D Haiya.. I'm such a bad girl. ehehe. I wish I could just lay on a bed of green grass and enjoying the cool breeze slapping my face viciously, breathing in a very good amount of fresh oxygen and staring at the blue sky for hours without thinking about sad thing. haiz, in dream only lah. haha :) I wish.. *sighed*

And Oh, chapter 16 and 17 is published by sis Jaba yesterday. teehee :) I love it! I don't know other readers, but hell, I love it damn much! hahaha :) I thought she'd been abandoning it you know. I was so worried sick about it. hehei :) Right, that's short. hahaha :) Urm... what else? Oh, I did some personal story also. I make 3 stories but I will do it next year. I just manage to make it half way. Maybe i'll posted it on the net next year. After I manage to survive the real exam. hahaha :D Err.... Yes, I still obsessed with Kang Hyuk Min. ehehe :) He's getting cuter and cuter everytime I stalked the tumblr. hehehe :) I have almost thousands of his pictures and now, wow! he's getting famous every day :) maybe I'll passed him when everyone started to know him later. hehe :) Sometimes, I got this crazy idea when I talk to Him. I told Him that I want to be Hyukmin's girlfriend so badly. LOL XD but it just for fun even though I meant it because I know I'm not cute, hot, have nice body type. I'm just plain and average type of girl who lose her two front tooth in march 2011. hahaha :) I always wonder, is there a guy who like girls with fakes tooth? LOL XD i don't think so *chuckled* Well, if it meant that I live alone, then I'll gladly devoted my life to help those in need :)

What? crush? Oh, no time to make crush on people. Let just say that I'm still stick to one. hahaha :) well, you know who. I can't tell who he is but sure, my closest people of my life knew about him. Yep, still developing a little crush on the same guy. hehehe :) still, he couldn't beat up my HyukMin O.o And today also, I've revealed my second best friend, Valerie's crush. ohoho :) She's in love, Yaw! hahaha :) God, I'm happy for her. but I shall hope that she won't be too drifted away with her whole crush things till her forget about study :) And OH, I've got my LG580 already and last few month, my uncle who worked at Singapore did bought me Canon PowerShot. WOohoo! and last week, I had spending a fabulous time with my sisters and me and Jaba crack few jokes that make us laugh like a banshee! hahaha! XD I guess, that's the very last time I feel so happy because after that best moment, I never felt my heart lighted anymore, its dimmer and dimmer each day. Haiz. hahaha :) Well, what ever. Even though everything turns against me, I still have God by my side :)

SO, i guess that's all I need to say for now. Maybe I'll write again when I have the mood to strike me. hahaha :) SO, ummm.. wish me luck on the coming exam. I'm trembling right now. haha :) Pray that I could do my very best in my SPM and won't let my parent down. Hope justice will be done and Pray that my mum will never need to cry again. Pray for me, so that I can study well and use this one month left wisely and do my best in my exams! NEVER LOSE HOPE ON ME, YAH?! thanks! ADIEU

♥-Let Your Smile Cover Up Your Tears- :)