お久しぶり, みんなさん！hahahaha Well, as you can see my Japanese improved nowadays. Thanks to the Japanese class that I've been suffered so much back then xD. Anyways, I've been planning on updating and even writing on this blog since the first of January but ehhhhhhhh..... Ya know, procrastination and shit happens. hahahahaha xD
Uh, I've got a lot to tell cuz I mean, obviously I've been M.I.A for almost a year hahahaha but worry not, from now onwards, I shall do my best to keep on updating about my life and shit. I mean, I sort of have a lot of plans I've been wanting to do this year and some is pretty much a huge plan which really gonna give a huge effect between me and my comfort zone. But anyway, I shall put that for the last since I'm going to update about what's been happening last year. HHAHAHAHAHA because holy shit! So many happens and I'm just glad that I'm still here by now HAHAHAHA oh yeah, once a sucidal maniac, always a suicidal maniac xD
Okay so. Imma start with what just recently happening though. First of all, I've just graduated from my Bachelor Degree last month and it was rather the best time of my life because my one and only Best Friend attend my graduation day. HASHTAG!! BESTFRIEND'S GOALS HAHAHAHAHA and also, Kenny and Joan did help me and Shock Hui a lot that day as well. My mom, sis Jon and Sis lalan also attended the ceremony but eh, I'm fine with my mom. I mean duh! I'm just glad that she actually went to the ceremony because I shit you not, she was almost saying that she's not coming. I'm just like WOW! if I'm a bad children, I'd just invited Val only to go there. hahahahaha Yeah, pretty heartbreaking tho and honestly, other than having Val by my side that day, other things that happen is just make me feel like Meh. fuck everything hahaha. And yeah, sis Jon and sis Lalan also was acting like I was forcing them to come to the ceremony like what the fuck people? I mean, well, I did ask them to go but if they doesn't wanna go, just don't then. No one stopping you. Like ugh. And I'm telling you, the day before the ceremony sis Jon even fucking text me saying shit like she could ask her mom to go with my mom instead of her and I'm like, the fuck? Why are you saying such shit? Like you're the one who was saying wanting to go with me at first place and shit, now you're tellin' me you're gonna let your mom to go? C'mon lah. And I shit you not. I didn't even fucking reply her until she text me again saying like, apologizing for saying such things and saying like not that she doesn't wanna come and shit. like fuck la. *ROLLING EYES INTENSIFIES*
You know, i'm just glad that I'm never gonna have to graduate again. I'm done hahahahaha I mean, yeah, it was disappointing for that part but *SIGHS* past is past. AND SOOOO! I'm looking forward to attend Val's Graduation ceremony which is going to be by the end of the year! WOOT WOOTSS!!! I'm just proud of her. hahahaha xD
Well, lots of shit happens last year but I'm gonna skip most part because some shits are better left unsaid hahahahaha I just, ehhh don't wanna reopening the old wounds y'know. Because I shit you not, it was one of the most fucking hurtful betrayal that I ever had in my whole fuckin' life. I'm just gonna say that it's happening again. Y'know, the part where I start to have crush on somebody and then the somebody is definitely liking someone who is close to me. Sooooooo yeah. It just that, the one that close to me fuggin' liking the person back while knowing I do like the somebody while at the same time dating another somebody. YEah, WOW, right? Drama of the year. I give u that. hahahahaha xD
Let's stop talking about the past and move on now :)
Y'know, right now I'm already on one step to adulthood in which right now, I'm actually working as an Accountant hahahaha or should I say I'm now an Office Lady *flips Hair* HAHAHAHAHA Yeeeaaaa, well, I started August last year to be exact and its been 6 month i've been working and yeah, I already decided that being an Office Lady isn't the right work for me. I already start to get bored with all the jobs that been given to me and I shit you not, doing an office job with the lowest of the lowest pay of them all is hell. hahahaha yeah, feel like hell. almost every fucking day. I'm just glad that I was put in the same team with lovely people like Mdm Pui and Apple. There's also Margaret, Ms. Ting, Nisa, Fanny, Matthew, and Yunnie. Yeah, they're like the best people to hang out with. The only people I consider as friend is Apple. She's a nice girl and pretty funny too and act cute too much, in a good way. I mean, it pretty much suit her personality. At least she's being herself hahahaha.
Well, speaking of career tho, if it God's will, I've been planning that by the end of this year, I will try to find a job in Singapore. Right now I'm not so sure what kind of job I wanna try there but I got the feeling of wanting to try out Barista; working at a coffee shop has always been a dream of mine. hahahaha I mean, I'm still holding tight on my ultimate goals in life which is to own a cosplay theme cafe. Like honestly, that dream is what keeping me alive this far. hahahaha xD I did found some company that is looking for a barista but I'm inexperience so I'm not sure if they would take me in. But I do have second choice of career though. Probably working in retail shop, selling anime merchandises like holyshit. I'd tell my boss to just cut my salary off if they let me buy the merch with 50% off. HAHAHAHAHA xD
And ehh, no... I'm not going there alone. Shock Hui and probably Joan will go with me because since Kenny has already get a job there and a place for us all to stay, soooo yeah. It'll be a new challenge for us all. I just hope that we can get along very well. But so far, we're good though. They're like a family to me because I shit you not, when I say they make me feel less lonely, they do and they make me feel more accepted than my own family hahahaha yeah, sad...
If I'm being honest right now. I am feeling isolated from everyone. And as much as I hate my job right now, at least I feel included in the office. I keep on telling myself that it's okay to feel lonely and that I shouldn't really care about others because no one would actually care about me. My absence will not affect anyone. Everyone have somebody. And me? I'm.... just having me and my imagination, and not to forget the voices in my head. I'm independent. So, fuck everyone hahahaha SIGHS. well, I said it like that just too make myself feel better. Oh well, I come to this world alone, I will die alone. SO fuck it.
And also, I'm planning that maybe next year around in the middle of the year, I'll be setting up a gaming channel where I'm going to play maybe all of my unfinished games as well as new games in the store hahahah yeah, I'll do my best to fulfill my goals. I'm just at the point that I wanna try everything and show everyone that I can do it. I want to do so much more for myself because I'm hella tired of doing shit for other people and being underappreciated for everything I did. At least, if I'm doing something for myself, I'd definitely appreciate it, right? Successful or not, It doesn't going to be the matter, but what matter the most is that I'm going to do whatever fuck I want ( and get notice my senpais YERR ) SIGHS, dreams. Dream. Dream. I hope that I'll still be alive by the time. Nah, I'm sure I'll be alive by that time hahahaha I will do my best to keep on living and just keep on moving on my two feet until when I reached my old age, and before I die, I would say; I'm glad that I did all of that shit when I was young.
This year, I'm not planning to fall for another person anymore. I'm tired of that kind of shit happens to me. hahahaha I'll just focus on myself and building a better friendship with my friends who is always there to support me. Most importantly, I'll focus more on bettering myself in everything I do. I might not the best planner there is but yeah, one's could try eh? And as for having the thought of suicide, so far so good..... But I can't guarantee anything. As long as I'm not having that certain level of courage to kill myself, I'll still manage to keep my shit together. hahahaha but what worst could happen if I just happen to slit my wrist a little deeper than the usual? The worst it could get would be hospital but eh, at least I'll still be breathing. hahahahaha Yeah, positive thought much?
But for the time being, I'm just doing this for me. I will try my best to not having any relapse anytime soon and just embrace me for me. Love myself and just be me. I should stop thinking that I need people to comfort me because fuck that. I have internet. ahahaha....
That's all for now.