When i said i don't wanna go anywhere means i don't wanna go anywhere and that doesn't mean i'm being lazy. I will go if i'm comfortable with the place like my college. No matter what time they ask me to go, i go right? Because i'm comfortable. And to the mall, like hell i would go to the mall all by myself u less i had something important to buy. Even that, sometimes i changed my mind to buy something i like because i had no one to go with. It's this feeling, it's very very difficult to live like this but they don't understand. They never try to understand
Even if i told them, they'll just said that i'm making an excuses or i just being rude to them and that i don't want to be with them and shit like that. I find that speaking is very hard to do. I rather be in my room, locked myself up and be in my comfort zone. I don't care about what people think but that just what I want.
I know i must work this out and i'm aware that i'll have to speak with people sometimes in the future and yes i'm trying my best to make it work but I need time. I can't do it all the sudden. I have my paced and always being forced like this and getting the blame because i said no... I can't. It just stressing me out.
I can't breathe properly right now and uh, my hands and feet are sweating even just thinking of it. I wish mom would understand how bad my anxiety is. Well, not as bad as until i feel like fainting but yeah. I gotta keep it cool though. *sighs* what a life.