Keep Your Head Up Because You Got Me Backing You Up :)

Ola, Pgie is in the house! Oh!

Scratch that..

Mrs.Lerman is in the house!

Wait!

I'm Mrs. Ackles now. ( remarrying Jensen Ackles )

Eh? NO! wait!

I'm Mrs. McHale!
Umm..

hahahaha :D And now, I'm quite confuse who am I exactly marrying with.
Oh well, I'll decide it later :)
I have so much to tell you today
Well, not really that MUCH
just few
still, it will be quite long though.
hahahaha :)

"NOW, NOW, LOGAN. DON'T GET MAD. YOU ALWAYS BE MY NUMBER ONE HUSBAND :)"

-as none of my siblings and friends seems to be crazy about you-

-I'm the only person, though-

 

So, let me start with what happen to me yesterday. hahaha :) Yeah, I know yesterday was Valentine's Day but instead of celebrating that ( Which I never done before ) I went for driving test. Well, to be honest I was quite shock when my driving tester told me that i'm gonna test exactly on Valentine' Day. hahaha  Yeah, I'm not happy but not because I can't celebrate Valentine's day but because he had told me that I'm gonna test on 27 FEBRUARY! I've set my mind on 27th. Yeah, I'm half pissed. hahaha :D and then, yesterday I failed the section 2 test but I passed the road test :) Thank God! But seriously, I thought I failed both because I didn't see the second paper which indicating my road test. Yeah, I told mum that I failed both. ahahaha  If I did failed both, I'm totally going to kill myself. hahaha :D But Thank God! Thank God, I passed the road test! So, on 27 February, I only going to be tested on the parking lots. Wish me luck!

Kay, next up is about my story :)
I've been writing chapter 6 since morning. OMO! DID YOU GET THAT?!
I'M WRITING CHAPTER 6!  I never thought I would manage to write that long. Well, it is long as I'm usually writing 4 pages per chapter. Heh, I'm amazing! hahahaha XD Like seriously, I was abandoning chapter 5 for like 2 days ( If I'm not mistaken ) and yeah, I almost give up that time. I don't really have ideas and my mind is swirling and I'm started to see another dimensions. hahaha :) Just Kidding, but seriously, I'm stunted. My brain didn't function well that time. but then, I suddenly have the spirit to keep on writing. Well, let me tell you a secret that is not really a secret. hahaha :)

Actually, I was moved by Jaba's story and how she keep on writing it. Then, when she commented / making reviews on my chapters, I feel moved and I wanted to continue on writing it. I feel like appreciated, hahaha :) I just love it when there someone tells me that they like my story. Any kind of story actually. And yeah, like seriously, this one is my very first fighting and supernatural story. I don't know how to write this kind of story as I'm more into writing romances and friendships kind of story. ehehei :) But yeah, I'm moved by her. Like I said, she inspired me in world of writing.

but, today. I saw her hanging out at Tumblr. She was nagging about she doesn't have ideas to write chapter 18 ( Yeah, 18 chapters in just one month ) I was like . But well, as Miss Optimist I knew she must be tired. hehehe :) yalah, who wouldn't? she had been working so hard for like a month :) But THEN, she told me that she wasn't able to concentrated on VS because she kept on thinking about LastLove and again I was like . She shouldn't have to think about Last Love first as it was going to be both of us who's going to do it. She got me to back her up, right? We can talk about it, Like when we're meeting each other this weekend. Seriously, when she told me this I kinda lost interest a bit in writing chapter 6. hahahaha :D #TrueStoryBro. But then, I think back. I shall give her support so that she could have that little hopes and realized that me ( her top reader and top stalker ) is waiting for her to publish the next chapter.

That is the least I can do. As she always give me motivational supports when  i feel like I can't continued the story anymore. So, now it's my turn to give her motivational support, boosting her confident to keep writing and keep her on track so that she wouldn't be distracted by the love story. I also wanted to continue the last love, Seriously. I AM and I've been longing to write that story like for ages hahaha ( Metaphor )

I told you, it's gonna be a long post. hahahaha :)
Yeah, right now I'm kinda out of topic on what should I write. hehehei :D And after posting this, I think I'm gonna continue writing chapter 6. hehehei :) I want to listen Jaba's review. yeah, I've tried my very best to write this one. hahahaha :) Nah, no action yet but will be soon. SOON and I mean it. hahahaha :) chapter 6 is only about they spending time in Athens, Capital City of Greece and also the moment they know something big is going to happen to them. hehehei :) What's gonna happen? WAIT~~ ehehei :) Patience is the key of success. hehehei XD

SO, that's my (not really latest) newest picture :) I edited it like yesterday. hahaha :) It's been a while though I didn't edit my pictures. So, that's one of many pictures of me being edited. hehehei :) 

So, that's all I wanna talk about :)Gonna continue chapter 6 now. hahahaha :) Suddenly ideas struck me.So, wish me luck!Hopefully I can finished it up this evening :))So, see you peeps in next post !

P.S Let Your Smile Cover Up Your Tears

Hatred Poems For My Brother

This broken pieces of heart
shattered to the ground
by the merciless of your heart
By the meaning of nothing
you crack this fragile souls
and make joy turns sorrowful

leaking thousands of tear drops
by the meaning of your stupid anger,
you broke my souls but you care not
you just care of your need
but i would wanna ask,
Have you ever thought of us?

Mum,
loves you more than anything
sacrifices her time and works
just to fulfill all your needs
you yelled
you cursed
you make her cry
but that never stop her from loving you
she give you everything you need
she bought you everything you wanted
she approves all your desires
but what did you give her in returns?
You just know how to crack her heart even more
you scratch the wounds she had restore
you killing her souls by each fucking hurting words you said to her.

You know I'm mad at you
I'm fucking mad at you
you should be my hero
not my stupid zero
you should guide me to be a better person
not some fucking person
you should be my second parent
not hurting our parent.
You should be the one who protecting my heart
not the one who scarred me for life.

Dad,
He may look senseless to you,
but everything he does is for you
he work hard and stay months in the sea
just to make sure us here having a wonderful life
he never mad, he never yell,
he just love, care and respects.
he loves you more than I am
you're the son and you're the eldest among us
he wants you to be a good son as well as a brother
but all you did to him is
you cursed him to death
you hate him for all your life
you make him lost in wisdom in words.
Still,
he had that tiny hopes
hoping you would change one day
and turns to a better person
Just like what he always wanted.

I do fucking hate you
i'm rarely hating people
but congratulations,
my loveliest brother
i may say
I fucking hate you now.
I don't care if hating you would cast me to hell
What I care most now is I fucking hate you
and all I ever wanted now
You're souls is going to hell and never is forgiven
Wish your souls tortured for eternal in the flame of hatred
May the devil chain your soul and torment it forever

You give me bad memories
I should have known
I should never ever give you another few chances of forgiveness
for you wasn't the right person
who deserves the fucking forgiveness.
I shall never cherish our siblings relationship ever again
I shall perish all memories about you from myself
For everything is meaningless to you
I'm just doing the fucking same.

Oh Lord,
forgive me for this
but I just don't feel he deserve my forgiveness anymore
He hurts my parent a lot and
I wasted my precious tears on someone like him
There are millions of people who needs my tears more than him
He just some fucking uncivilized person who is loved by many
but don't know how to be grateful.
He just some fucking stupid guy that I call as brother.

I'm Not A Multi-Tasker. I'm Sorry T^T

Well, hello!
Mrs. Lerman is in the house! ohohohohohohoh  Yeah, I'm officially married with Logan Lerman, mentally. hahahahahaha XD  Never mind if I just mentally marrying him, as long as I'm his 'wife' hahahahaha :) Everything isn't matter. ekekekeke  Oh well, what can I say? I'm somewhat Extreme Delusional Kiddo :)  I can't deny that fact. ekekekeke :) Besides, I'm single, he's single, nothing wrong with that, eh?  I'll 'divorce' him after he find someone that can take care very good of him later hahahahaha  As one of the Ten Commandment said;

Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's goods.

Hehei :) As long as he is single, then he's mine :0)

I wonder if he would smirking that way when he read this post. If he do, Oh God! He would looking so freaking adorable!!!!!  


hahahaha :) I'm just so friggin in love with this guy ;) Too bad, Just too freaking bad... He's not mine (  NOOO~~!! ) hahahaha :)  Oh well, Reality hurts :)


Enough about my husband, Let's go straight to the point! hahahaha :) ( Actually, I almost forgot what I wanna actually tell in this very post ) 

Okay, actually I just wanna tell that I'm going to postponed doing my reviews on Ghost Hunter : The Origin & The Renewal of Vampires Prophecy because I can't multi-tasking and my brain is kind of slow a bit. hahahaha    I won't deny it. It is seriously slower than my internet connection inside my room hahahahaha XD Yeah.. Besides, I want to focus on my current story which I was telling in my previous previous post, I was doing the Short Story for Ghost Hunter. My brain department doesn't want to cooperate with me and I'm now in deep dilemma    My brain and me always getting in this small fight about the idea. Seriously, I rarely write the story like I've imagined when I'm taking my shower. I've been imagining the whole story and I sometimes, had imagined the end part of it. But then, when it is come to write, there my brain messing with the whole plot I've imagined (  Why?!! ) Instead of writing like what I've imagined, I wrote something else like what my brain decided to   Yeah, I don't know how to handle this little rebellious brain. Anyway, I think I just let it do the thinking and I'm just write what it want me to write :) I'm just tired of having this little silly fight with my inner-self   So, Logan. Please stop looking at me that way. Blame my brain for being slow, alright darling? hohohohohoho XD 


Deary, Jaba :)
I'm very sorry. But I promised you, I'll do the reviews whenever I got time and when I'm sulking because of my rebelling brains :)


I'll do it no matter what!  AUUUUGAHHH!!!

About my story... For real, I don't have confident at all about doing it hahahaha :) I just wish I could jsut stop there on the spot. But, since Jaba has been reading it till chapter 3, I think I'm just going to continue on doing it. Well, I have few reasons why I'm not confident in keep on writing. So, let me tell you;

1. I have that seriously lousy grammar and vocabulary

2. I'm not good in describing the action of the character. 

3. I don't even use that bombastic kind of words

4. I'm a lazy writer. I took a very long time to finish one chapter.

5. I can't think of any good event to insert in my story.

6. I have that very little knowledge about everything and anything.

7. Sometimes, my character is off the rail.

8. I can't create a nice dialogue that can make my readers hear the characters voices. 

9. I have so many things in mind and I get distracted pretty easily.

10. I just naturally have no confident about it as I don't want to spoil Jaba's story. ( I'm doing short story version of her story, remember? ) I just can't deal with that later. hahahaha :)

Well, that's is my reasons. Actually, I have many but I just can think of ten of it. So, yeah   I feel like I'm underestimating myself. Yeah, Kind of. And last time, on chat with Jaba I've told her about this stuff and she was telling me that I have that potential to be a good writer as well. I was like, "Huh, I am?" hahahaha XD then, she told me.. A lot la. I'm quite touch with her words and I'm freaking speechless that time :)  Still, I can't boost up my confident on keep writing   no matter what she said, I'm always be that one lousy writer. hahahaha :) Just telling the truth though :D I don't know why is my confident being so rebellious like my brain,  But I know one thing though, I have reader who waited for my next chapter to come out. So, I'm going to get the story moving no matter how my heart tells me that I'm just being some freaking fan-fiction writers, or how my brain against my imagination's idea or how my confidence want to get low. I'm just going to write, no matter how bad it will be, I'm just going to keep writing! I know, writing is one of my  greatest passion in life. I've been writing stories since I'm 11 and now I'm 18. I can't lose to my 11 years old -self. I'm just going to keep on writing, no matter how hard will it be  . 


Just I hope that,
Keep supporting me,
Catch me when I'm falling,
Cheer me when I'm down,
Support me when I'm losing.. :)

I'm getting close to the closer. So, Umm... Logan Wade Lerman, If you ever saw this post... Please, 

NEVER EVER KEEP YOUR HAIR THIS LONG. IT DOESN'T FIT YOU, LOVE. TRUST ME. YOU'RE LOOKING BETTER WITH SHORT HAIR AND I LOVE YOU MORE WITH SHORT HAIR. I KNOW, OTHER FANS WHO AS CRAZY AS I AM, WOULD AGREE WITH MY STATEMENT AS WELL :) HOPE YOU'LL LISTEN TO MY ADVICE, THOUGH :)

from your, 'VIRTUALWIFE'

So, before I really ending up this post <----- that is my latest picture. i know, you guys probably already missing my cute face. ahahahahaha XD Yeah, I notice that too ( My eyebrows getting thicker )  Oh well, maybe tomorrow morning I'll ask mum or aunt next door to trim it down for me :) No need go saloon, it's expensive. huahahaha  I'm want to save money, I want to buy that one shirt. But oh dear, too expensive. I don't even working, how am I going to get it if I'm not saving? hahahaha :) Well, mum always give me money whenever I go shopping but I tell you, IT NEVER ENOUGH! hahahaha  Just kidding, It always enough for me, just that I always buy extra stuff. That's why it never enough. ekekeke :) I was thinking to stop buying unnecessary stuff like stuff lah. hahaha :) I want to buy clothes, I barely have clothes to wear when go shopping with my sisters.  always make my head spinning to find good clothes to wear. hahaha :) So, I think, I'm going to stop buying extra next time I go shopping. *Finger cross* HOPEFULLY!!

So, to end up this post, I put my most favorite Gif of my hubby :)
and my current relationship status as well :)
YEAH!
I'm going to wait for Logan Lerman,
until he found his true love
And until I find mine :)
*Which is obviously Logan Wade Lerman*

" SEE, HE'S SMILING, I KNOW HE'S PROBABLY WAITING FOR ME AS WELL"
ahahahahahahahahahahahahaha :D Just Kidding, don't freak out Logan! XD


As Usual, 

I would like to end up my post with prayer :)

The light of God Surrounds us,

The love of God enfolds us,

The power of God protects us,

The presence of God watches over us,

Wherever we are, God is,

And where God is, all is well.

Amen.


P.S Let Your Smile Cover Up Your Tears :)

Logan Lerman Gif Compilation

So, here we are again :)

Yeah, I got time to search for my Hubby picture. huahahaha :)

I'm Half Dead now,

His cuteness killing me >.<

And So, THIS IS MY MOST FAVORITE >.< 

He is my Milo :) hahahahahha :))
Why I call him Milo? Well, check this blog out, there you'll know :
                                       Ghost Hunter and The Origin and The Renewal of Vampire Prophecy

Adieu <3
P.S Let your Smile Cover Up Your Tears :)
P.S Don't Falling In  Love to my Milo :)

Crappy Poems; To The Little Scar That Never Leave

Scars that never leave

make my heart torn

I can't do anything to make it better

as the scars is to deep

Even it still bleeding sometimes.

I barely can feel my hearts beating

Its been slower each day

That little scar getting bigger each day

make me feel like I'm gonna finish one day.

Beats by beats,

I felt the pains

The scar that never leave

hurting all the way.

I'm crying

I'm smiling

I'm laughing

Still the scars remains

and can bleed anytime 

of the day.

I just have one wish,

I wish this scar would leave someday

For I'm tired of feeling useless everyday

I want to make myself a person

Not as a lost souls who shouting for helps

all the way. 

Every time I felt lonely on a day,

my hearts beating weakly all the way

make me feel like unworthy lass,

broke to tears for nothing grave.

Hear me spoke

dear heartless scars

I'm a human with a sense

I need to smile for once in a day

but with you here

it's unfeasible to do it that way

I'm sorry scars I have to say

I can't living nicely with you in me

tearing this little heart day by day

I just want a peaceful day

If you gonna stay

please stop hurting,

tell miss brain, stop memorizing

stop remembering all the scary feelings

for I'm tired for being hurting. 

Scars that never leaves,

you taught me something by experiencing

I'm sorry heart for make you hurting

but I'm not the one who choose that way

I'm just planning and wait for it

things happen for a reasons,

Scar that never leaves also have a reasons

I learnt so much from the scars I hate.

I still have long way to walk

I know I'm going to be hurt much more

and there will be a countless scars

So, I'm sorry, my little heart,

You have to suffer more.

To the scars that never leave,

Thank you for teaching me

about life and death

Now I can face them confidently.

Just Some Little Thought :)

Hey Hey! I'm back yaw! hahaha :)
Yeah, it's been a while ^__^

Well, I just about to write the review for chapter 4 & 5 but my mind got distracted. Now,my mind is in complete disaster. I was just having minor shock about what mum's told be just now. I just... I don't know. ehehehei :) I know this time would come anyway, I just can't believe it. hahahaha :D Well, sure its not exactly NOW, but I know, I can feel it in my bones, it will be SOON.

Mum told me that she and dad went to meet the one that they paid to do the arresting stuff. And they quite often seeing each other nowadays. As i could remembered before, mum told me that if they are about to arrested him, they will have to meet each other a lots. So, yeah... I think they are in progress doing so. Not likely I'm against what they're doing now, just that I don't think I'm ready to lose my only brother. You know how much I cherish him, right? He does hurting my mum a lot but still, no other brother can replaced him, he is my one and only brother :) I don't know... how to explain what I'm currently feeling right now, but yeah, It's just hard for me to just breathing, I'm suffocated with all the kind of stuff; like the way he treats mum, the way he yelled, the way he threw the ketchup, the way he rebelling, crashing his car, lying to mum, and so on. But seriously, even though he's being aggressive towards mum and dad, he never done any of it towards me, he would ask properly from me when he wanted to borrow stuff. he never mad at me when I told him that I want to borrow his PS2. He just the most wonderful brother, I don't know what's lead him to do this evil stuff but yeah... I know and I have faith that deep inside him, still have that humanity. He's a wonderful being. He always told me that he really wanted to join the U.S army and how he adored all the Nascar car, and I know, he's very talented. He modified all the car model and make his own racing car. I once watched him doing the modification and seriously, I thought he was very creative. He's one of my inspiration and the one who makes me fell in love to draw things. Once, I still remember, he drew me a car. I wish I still have it but I think mum had thrown everything away when we're moving out from our old house. If he didn't get involved with that shitty stuff, i think he would have been a very good brother, son and a father. He just choose the wrong path and lost...

I don't know how it's going to feel after I lost him later. I just can't imagine it. I know we never have that real talk as we both locking ourselves in each other's room. But, whenever he saw me around, he seems like searching for opportunity to talk to me and he would even talk about those stupid things, like games, how his pendrive didn't work out and how his lappy now turned into desktop, hehehei :) and how to install bluetooth mouse, where can he bought those headphones. hmmm.... I think I'm gonna miss him like a lot :) I wish I could turn back time and slapped his past self and told him not to do it. but things happen, Oh well, I just can accept the fate, eh? Mum must think that I don't care about that kind of stuff as I always put on my poker face when she talk about it, but yeah... I just don't want to make things worst. She doesn't know that i'm as well hurting inside. because I love my brother, I respect him no matter how many times people insulted him, how they call him beast, devil, lazy, I just respected him. because I know he's a good person and still is.  he did yelled, ONCE when he was drunk, that time I'm scared of him.. But all I could remember, that was his one and only time he yelling at me. He never did again.

Sometimes, I wish I never would talking about him as it would making all the sweet memories we had together flowing back in my mind. and I would ended up crying hahahaha :) yeah. I am, now. ekekekeke :) Silly me...thank god, mum and dad went out, and he is in his own room with one of his minion.

Sometimes, I really wish that I'm a boy myself. If I'm a boy, I would be his friend and maybe I could dragged him back to reality and make him a better person. I would have that courage to stop him doing such stupid things, and yeah...If i'm a boy, I would be his friend and he wouldn't have seek for other friends and getting involved with wrong friend like now. I would tagged along with him, playing games with him, sharing stories, lives together, giving each others advice in love and games, sharing thought, and shared interest. How I wish I'm a boy. things would get better, mum and dad would have happy life. I know, he's lonely... he needed a friend that's why he took the chances to do drugs, as he thought that was the only way to get friends. Those fucking people aren't his friends, they just want to share with him the fucking pills.I know this because his rebellious self shows after the death of brother Jose, he's one and only best friend. They were like twins before. Where my brother go, Jose would be at his side. That's why, I really wish I'm a boy, I would replaced Jose perfectly and be his companions. I would have done that. I would have....

Well, I guess I better stop writing now, ahahaha :) Overflowing tears, will cause flood inside house. ekekekeke :)) Just to tell few last things; He may be the dumbest and the craziest and the eviliest person in your eyes, but I won't change my mind about that he's the greatest brother that ever lives in my world. He just the most amazing person, One day... He'll show you. I know because I have faith on him. because I respect him, because I Love Him.

Dear Father in Heaven,King of KingTrue God of True God,I humbly say this prayer to you,With great hopes filling this scarred heart,I would humbly ask from you,My Lord,Blessed my brother and show him the true pathShine your light into himCast the evil spirits that attached to himShow him you grace,Forgives all his sins,Make him believe in You like I do,Guide him towards the path of truth.I know I did ask a lot from You,but You are my only hopes,My Lord.Cleanse his souls from all evilHeals his wounded heartsMake him stay away from evilsLet him not falls into evil temptations. Amen.
P.S : Let Your Smile Cover Up Your Tears :)