Hello, December!

Konnichiwa! i would love to say WELCOME DECEMBER! hahaha :D yeah. late welcoming message. i know. still, nothing is too late. hahaha :D month by month came and pass but nothing change in my life. always as dark as usual. i haven't found my light yet. hopefully i can find it next year :D december.. i've been waiting for the month to come because i can't take this hateful 2010 anymore. SUCK! for me la. i only got few good memories this year and from beginning of the year, i always facing the bad things. urgh! hate it. still, i'm grateful for being alive. haha XD. oh ya! the photo that i use to start this post is a photo of my new favourite JRock Band, that is..*drumrolls* taa-daa! AliceNine! wohoo~ love their songs. they are third jrock band that manage to caught my heart. *my first is Orange Range and my 2nd is AnCafe*. there also got AquaTimez, Ayabie and so on :D i forget ^^ And of course, new band, new hubby! wohoo! hahaha :D my new japanese hubby is Ogata Hiroto :D whooaa~ he's cute! i love his teeth cuz he got two big front teeth like ME! hahaha!!

<---- cute hoh? hahaha XD i know! unfortunately he is mine, girls. so back off! LOL XD neah.. Just kidding. we can share him. hehehe :D he was born on 4 May 1985 *9 years older than me. hmm.hmm..* hahaha :D never mind! he is the guitarist in Alice9 and also the dorky in the band. haha :D i think he is the shortest in the band and also the shortest of all my hubbysss :D well, because of that, i will love him more :D ahahaha XDHe has a very hyper and jumpy attitude *as i told you, he's dorky* hahaha :D and he also love to smile :D *sound like me* XD not much i know about him. just knowing that he's smoking 0.o suprise? neah.. i think almost all my hubbysss are smoking. like....Hyukminnie and Jiyong ^^. i can still accept that because that won't change anything. LOL XD i will always love them all. eyhh! even i didn't talk about them or post their photos, that didn't mean i don't love and care for them hoh! hahaha :DD *too dramatic* oh well, that's all i wanna say about him :D maybe next time, if i got anything new i know about him, i'll tell. no worry. i will share. hahaha :D

OH yea! i got new hairstyle :D wohoo :D i don't know the name but i love it. ngahahaha :D and yeah, i've straighten my hair as well :D thanks to mummy :] love her! hahaha :D actually i've been thinking to dye my hair brown. but i'm still wondered if brown suit me or not because i'm afraid that brown didn't suit me and making me look more ugly. hahaha :D enoughlah, i'm being this ugly. ekekeke :D i just waiting for my dearest sis Ina to come home and i'll asked her about this later. teehee :D oh yea, talking about sis Ina, she is going to be officially marriage soon and today, me and sis Jon go to the malls and surveying the dresses. i want to dress as lovely as i could for sis Ina to show my love towards her. yerrdehh~ hahaha :D but unfortunately, i can't find one. so, i decided to find dress online. so, in the end, i manage to found 3. but only one caught my eye. wohoo! still, the colour isn't suit for the wedding themes *red and white* so i guess, i will wait for sis ina herself to pick for me as she's going home (here) this sunday. if i'm not mistaken. hahaha :D 

Yeah, this is non-edited photo. trust me. haha :D plain. no make up, no edit.. (well, i don't even use make-up) ahahahaha :D my eyes are purely as big as that. i don't use contacts and specs. even my specs got only the rims. hahaha :DD i'm naturally ugly. LOL XD still, proud of it. (p.s : ignore the pile of dirty clothes behind there) hahaha :D i took this photo in the toilet, my favourite place to take photo cuz there, i can snap as many as i want without being see by my mum. hahahaha :DD i'm shy de posing in front of the elder. ekeke :DD and yeah, i'm quite photogenics but i rarely got good pictures, i mean, cute looking when other people took the photo of me. i don't know why. but i'm way too different when someone else took my photo. hahaha :D ermm.. what else to say? my brother? not much to say, as usual. didn't change at all and day by day, he's getting worst. ha! i don't want to think about him. let me lives my life. i want to enjoy my life la bah. if i keep thinking about him, i wouldn't have my own life. let me be selfish in this matter. what else? oh yes! i've been watching another anime, Vampires Knight. hahaha :D i love the story plots because it reminds me of sis Jaba's story when we're still kiddos. hehehe :D which her story is about us and our other cousy being the ghost hunter and becoming vampires when battling the bad creature. LOL XD miss all the story. if i'm not mistaken, that story has 11 or 12 seasons. hahahahahhaa :DDD now, she didn't tell that kind of story anymore because now, we more into loves, mysteries, secret agents like that. hahaha :D and trust me, sis Jaba is the best story teller. if tim burton's listen to her story, i'm sure, he'll make her story into movies. hahaha :DD thats true. she also the one who drag me into arts and i do loves arts. we both write stories then exchange it with each other. last few years, that time, i'm still in primary school and they still lives in their old house. we, together painting and doing a books which tells about ourselves. that was fun to do you know. but now, we've getting older and have no time to do that kind of things anymore. :D

 that photo is Kiryuu Zero, my new anime's hubby. hahaha  he just to adorable right? but from season one until season two, i barely see him smile. >.< hahaha :D actually i haven't watch the whole season 2 yet. i only finish season 1 because i think season 2 is somewhat boring. LOL XD anyway, love the anime because of Kiryuu Zero! hahahaha :DDD so i guess, this is all for now. its 12 : 20 a.m and i really need to go before my mum tell me to go to sleep :D hahaha :D but before that, i think i'm gonna check on my Mall World on Facebook first, then, i'll go to my dreamland :D
so Adieu XD

my lovely Hiroto will ended my post this time :D enjoy XD

p.s : let your smile cover up your tears :D

LOL XD. this will end it. arigatou for reading! byes!

-impian Terhalang- first BM post Yaw!

note : this isn't poem. (saje je guna ayat-ayat dramatis)

impianku mungkin kecil dan tidak bermakna bagi kamu

tapi bermakna segalanya bagiku

kerana impian itu adalah impianku sejak kecil

dan sehingga hari ini,

impian itu teguh dan sebati denganku

tapi malangnya

setiap insan yangku temui menghalangku dari mencapai impian itu

terus-menerus mereka mengatakan impianku itu tidak berguna

impian itu tidak menjamin masa depanku

kata mereka

aku bodoh kerana mempunyai impian itu

kerana mereka mengharapkan aku menjadi seperti yang mereka mahu

kata mereka

impian budak kecil hanyalah jenaka

hanya imaginasi yang tercipta kerana terpengaruh

dengan animasi-animasi dalam tv.

kritisan mereka yang menjadi-jadi

seringkali bermain difikiranku

setengah mereka mulai meracuni fikiranku

dengan membuatkanku mula memikirkan impian baru

dan dengan perlahan impianku menghilang

kini, 

aku keliru dengan masa depanku

aku tidak tahu apa impianku lagi

aku buntu dan kini aku semakin hampir

hampir dengan ruang yang membawaku

ke puncak kejayaan.

tetapi, 

aku masih tidak dapat memikirkan apa yang aku mahu

patutkah aku meneruskan impian duluku?

atau aku patut meneruskan saja impian baruku?

impian baruku yang mereka boleh membuatkan mereka gumbira?

aku sayangkan mereka yang menentang

tetapi aku juga sayang dengan impianku

jikalau aku memilih impianku,

berkemungkinan aku kehilangan mereka.

kini aku keliru

sangatlah keliru.

aku buntu

dan sangatlah buntu

aku akui kesusasteraan bukanlah destinasiku

jalan hidupku tidak membawaku ke sana

dan aku tidak berdaya menukar destinasi yang telah ditentukan oleh-Nya.

mungkin benar,

impian budak kecil hanyalah jenaka

aku sudahpun terlanjur dalam bidang sains

mungkin aku patut teruskan saja dan jadi apa yang mereka mahu

dan hilangkan minatku dalam kesusasteraan serta lupakan impianku menjadi seorang kartunis.

kerana itulah yang mereka mahu

tidak mengapa aku bersedih

asalkan mereka bahagia

aku sudah cukup bahagia.

maybe i'm not meant to be cartoonist, i don't have the talent anyway :D beside, all my family against it so, what else i can do? hurt them more? neah.. i'm not going to do that. they already hurt enough. i don't want them to cry because of my stupid childhood dream. its stupid anyway. it surely does stupid. but, because it is stupid, that is why stupid me, want to be it. still hoping so much that my parent can open up their heart for me to fulfill my dream. its enough and just enough if they let me be part-time cartoonist. as long as i can be one. i just wanting it too much. more than anything. but i have no guts to tell them this. i wish they know how to use internet and read this post, then understand how much i want to be cartoonist. I want it badly. just want it.

i want to be cartoonist because :

* i want to fulfill my childhood dream

* i love to draw

* i want to make people happy

* i want to share experience with people

* i want people to enjoy my artwork

this must be crazy for you. and you're right it is crazy. i am crazy anyway.

ITSHURTS...CAN'TNOBODY...CLAPYOURHAND...GOAWAY...

love all their songs. i think i'm BLACKJACK because since their mini album, i love them 4! 2NE1 hwaiting!

Something Call Life.

Konnichiwa! hahaha :D its been a while.well, i do remember and i do have something to share but my bone say, No. so, i skip :D hahaha :D well, you know me, i'm lazy bump ~ hahaha. i'm having a very very long boring holiday this year as i've mention, 2010 is totally terrible year for me. i can't wait to end it soon. wheuhh~ and i'm so glad i wasn't SPM candidate for this year. if not, i may get straight F~ hahaha :D oh ho, hell yeah, i'm tension. here and there problems. whenever i'm free they always come. hate them. still, problems do teach me what life is and i learn a lot from them :D them? hahahaha :D well, i'm so damn bored right now, got nothing to do *got actually, just don't feel like doing it. :P* Right now, i'm waiting for my sis Jon and sis Ina to come back home ^^ miss them very very very very much! even its just few days its feel like urgh! thousands years!but if it really a thousand years, i'm going to be reborn, then i can meet them back hahahaha :D if, i have the chance to be reborn. hahahaha :D you know what i mean.

oh yeah, i just bought black rims spec. wuhuu! dream come true. originally, it was a sunglasses but i took out the glasses and make it like that *like in the pics* nice kan? make my eyes look even bigger than usual. ekeke :D i love it. i bought 2, this one and another one is white, but not really suit me and i don't really like it. hehehe :D i want to say sorry to my mum for already wasting money buying the other one but didn't use it. sorry mum! mianhaeyo! Oh yeah, i still have a tons of homework that waiting to be done but i don't have guts to do it. i think i'm going to start doing it next week. ohohoh hopefully, my dear. if not, next year i'll be deadmeat for i guarentee next year, all the teachers will be as fierce as a monster and even some of them would have the ability to change into hulk or worst T^T. no playing year. urgh! i already feel the pressure, NOT! hahahaha :D  and i have visited my friend blog, err, YunQian blog. i read her post and there she talked about future and she also mention that she already old enough and it is her time to think about her future. after i read that post, i realize, i'm going to be old too. SOON! i don't like it but i have no choice, like it or not, i'm gonna be old one day. talk about future. what is my future? to be honest, i don't even act maturely and i still don't know what field i want to study after high school graduation. hmm..hmm..i don't know for i never think about my future. all i do this time is dreaming to be a good korean celebrities. now i realizw, i've waste 16 and half years of my life with something that can't guarentee my future. i'm wondering, what will i be? what job will i have? what i want to be? what? what? what? haiya. so many what! and if i don't know what, then how the hell i know how to achieve it? urgh! i'm so useless. i'm useless daughter. i feel guilty to my parent for they give me a very high expectation. 

haiz! i can't stop sighing. hahaha :D for sure, i want to do something that can make my parent happy and proud to have me as their daughter as now, it look like i am their only hope.my brother? still haven't change. always being the hateful big brother. yeah, i do hate him but still he is my brother. i forgive him but i won't forget what he did to mum and dad. every night he call mum and asked for money. last night, they fight again and i heard it all but i pretend i didn't hear a things. whenever i think about their fight, my heart feel like being crash by two big truck from both side. so hurtful, hateful.. oh well, just need to be patience right? that what i'm doing right now, be patience. i believe, one day, everything is going to be okay ^^. just hope for the best :D

well, i want to use this opportunity to talk about my besties. first is prudence. well, i realize she change a lot after couple with Christyan. i don't know but i can feel it. something really different change in her. my heart keep saying it to me. well, maybe i'm too sensitive. hahahaha :D as long as she didn't forget and betray me, that enough ^^ and valerie? i haven't see her face to face, still i have contact her through facebook. ehehe :D glad she did not lost contact. if she did, i'm going to ambush her facebook every minute. hahaha :D neah, not going to do that. Fiona? she is in her own world right now. hahaha :D she found her love. his name is Freddy Yaw. hahaha :D just kidding, facebook name, Freddy Raw. hahaha :D well, they match each other. that boy seem nice and if he  dare to broke my precious Fiona's heart, i will crash him and slice his body into 1000 pieces. Huh! hahahahaha :D its a metaphor actually. if he hurt fiona, i will confront him and tell him that he lose something precious and very hard to find. yepp :D its true. tinna? she's fine i think. just having boring holiday as bored as mine. hehehe :D i keep seeing her posting on facebook telling bored, bored and bored. haiz, tinna. i know how you feel. hahahahaha :D clock is ticking and keep ticking can't be pause nor stop, can't wait to see my cherish sisters to come home XD i'm so excited!!

phoebe is really gone. i miss her badly. i can't stop thinking about her. did she eat well? does her mother treat her right? is she happy? this question keep playing on my mind. i just can't stop thinking about her. i don't know why, maybe she just to valuable. well, of course she doesn't know that. i never told her. hahaha :D ah, this christmas, my cousin from Labuan will come and celebrates christmas here together with us. everyone will come except for Phoebe i think. but i really hope she could join us. if she really coming back, i won't scold her or say anything to her, but i will hug her and beg her for not to leave anymore. i don't want our sisterhood chain broken. it is enough we lose one of us. and honestly, i miss sis Chyi even how nasty she is, she always be my sister because we still have blood ties. sometimes i wonder, why they leaving? aren't they feeling lonely after leaving? talk about leaving, i think sis Inut and sis Jaba is leaving me too. for sis Inut going to follow her boyfriend stay in KK when her boyfriend officially stay and work there later on. sis Jaba, of course will go with her. sis Ina, already leave. sis Jon, going to leave soon. everyone that in really care is leaving soon. even my dearest Val is leaving, and my respectful madam Suriati also leaving. eventhough they still here with me, i can feel that my heart is empty. i wish we can be together forever but i have no right to that that, right? its all in His hand. its true, people come and then leave but God make them leave because He have His reason, right? just that, we don't know. Honestly, i really love my family and my friends. i cherish them all and they are my most valuable things in my whole life.

love one? neah... i really don't want to talk about it anymore. i want to stop. if i don't stop, i will totally losing my merits to enter university and make my parent proud. haha! thats it, HyukMin malaysia, i want to forget you dear. thank you for making me falling in love again. love it and now i know how it feel to be stalker. LOL XD got experience already! hahaha :D and to my HyukMin korea, i love you still baby. hahaha :D don't you worry, just worry about your position and keep praying that you'll stay in my top 5. hahaha XD just kidding :P i'm not that crazy la. he don't even know me, how can i tell the world that he is mine, Duh! pathetic! hahaha :D so, i guess that is all i want to share. uh! i think this is the longest post that i ever post here :D hehehehe :DD


so, i guess, be seeing you guys next time :D Adieu >..0

whoa :D so big! LOL XDD my my, when i can meet him?. agagagagaagga *mr.crab laugh*
and here i got another short poem :D


you're eyes are shining bright
brighter then the twinkling stars
your smile is sweeter than sugars
melts my heart every time its beating.


-to my deares Kang Hyuk Min-
Chuwahae! SarangHae! hahaha :D

Bad Person

I am not a good person

I hurt those I love

I seek for attention when they down

I can’t even read their real expression

I am not a good person

I don’t understand what they going through

I mess up with them and make their life worst

I was never there when they need me

I am not a good person

I never notice their broken heart

I never seek for the pieces

I never try to glued them back

I am not a good person

I never wipe their tears

But I am the one who brought them to tears

I am the worst

I don’t deserve the best

But still I never want to be ignored

For I am afraid to be alone

Walking through the dark path of life

Never was easy to be done

I’m desperate to find the light

So, I hurt them and took their light

I made a mistake

I darken their path to lighten mine

I was so selfish back then

But now I realize

Still it just too late

For I can’t turn back time

And give back their light

Even they forgive my selfishness

It makes no differences

For I can’t erase the things I’ve done

And I’m going to be a bad person for the rest of my life.

I'm Crazy and I am Crazy YaW! hahaha :D

Konnichiwa! hahaha :D hey hey~ today is the first day of holiday~ WUHUUU! i'm so glad to have this holiday yaw! and i have a very best day today :D but actually, this holiday quite boring because i can't see my friends. ehehe but still i love it. Oh ya! my room got new look~ hohohohohoho. my room have more spaces la cuz i just bought 2 new cupboard. i asked from mum only 1 cupboard but... she want to buy me another one, on ajer la~ hahahahha :D btw, i went to shopping with my sisters today! wuhuu! we go to merdeka mall. still not many shop but i just found that there going to have a bookstore. i like it yaw~ hahahaha :D and i bought book for myself and sis jaba :D hehehe for memories bah. i want to write a journal about my SPM years :D just kidding. i dunno what to do with the book. i just bought it. hahahaha XD to complete my collection la. *i realize i use broken english a lot today* and and what else? well, for the conclusion, today is my best day :D

  as i have just mention for the title of this post, i have a new hobby. crazy hobby. i never did this since i was born. LOL XD my new hobby is.... taa daa... being a stalker! LOL XD i know~ sound crazy! it is crazy. hahahahaha :D well, as you know i'm kinda into this one cute guy. no. i never mention him. he's not from my class and i would love to named him 'HyukMin' as i'm loving hyukminnie right now. hahaha :D well, i know him not really well but for sure, he's single. LOL :D and i know person like him wouldn't have even a little glance on me. you know, i'm not cute, pretty or smart and even ugly dude would never like me. hahaha XD and i'm not that girly type too. hahaha :D for sure, person like him does like a girl that is almost perfect in everything ^^. as usual, i just let my heart take care of him until he found someone who deserve him. hahaha and i'm gonna stalk him until that day come~ huahahaha  :D call me crazy, because i'm crazy in love! hahahaha :D *i'm talking nonsense* ngahahaha love it!

    stalk..stalk...stalk... i call myself "LittleStalker" because i think it really suit me for the time being. hahahaha :D ah ya, enough about stalking things. ermm. yea, i found one song that really cute one. the song title is Cute by Stephen Jerzak *whoa, his cute* hahaha :D the song is quite cute and cute la. hahaha :D not much to say because it does cute :DDD what else? hmm..homework? well, i do have them as next year i'm going to sit for SPM. and i'm gonna start doing them when i finish tidying my stuff inside my room. too much work to do bah~ you don't know how my room is *just imagine the Acheh after tsunami* i don't know whether that room belong to girl of kids. hahahaha :D but i love my room! colourful and the wall is full with my favourite kpop band :D ngahahaha :D mum said i'm dirtying my wall but why should she care? my room bah that :D hahaha i can do whatever i like, my dear~ :3


so i'm lacking of idea :D oh yeah, i want to use this opportunity *yerdehh* to wish all SPM and STPM student GOOD LUCK and DO YOUR BEST. GOD BLESS YOU ALL xD aja! aja! hwaiting, guys!  




to my deares Sis Jaba : do your best dear! love you and God bless you!


so, that end my post, enjoy the pic yaw~ sarange!

oh, here i got short poem * suddenly pop out in my mind de*


twinkle twinkle little star
how i wonder how great you are
wishing i can twinkling like you
so i can be as great as you :D


hehehe :D so long!


p/s : let your smile cover you tears :3

Story Of Little Miss Stalker :D

on Monday,

I wait for you at the door

You pass by me

I smile at you

You look at me

I look somewhere else

On Tuesday

I search for you

I found you

You look at me

I pretend to look somewhere else

On Wednesday

I walk behind you

Listen to your soft voices

You notice and look back

I stop and pretend to tie up my shoelace

On Thursday

I look at you

You look back at me

I didn’t notice

You smile

I notice and I immediately pretend to talk to friend

On Friday

I look at you from far

You busy talking to your friend

You didn’t notice and didn’t look back

I wonder why

On Saturday

I’m at home

Stalking over your profile

Read your status over and over

Smiling before went to dream land.

On Sunday

I stalk your profile

I read you status

I smile

Nothing change

Still got chance, my heart whisper

I feel relieve

But for sure

You’ll never know

I give you my heart without you noticing it

For I’m afraid your heart is belong to someone else

I will let my heart take care of you

Until you find someone special

Someone who deserve you.

Love you always : D