My Guardian Angel :)

St. Michael is the Commander-in-Chief of all the hierarchies of the Heavenly Hosts. He is usually known as the Angel who defeated Lucifer and his followers in the first rebellion of creatures against God. By his battlecry: "Mi-ca-El" which means "Who is like unto God?", he was named Michael. He is the first defender of the Blessed Virgin Mary in the Mystery of the Incarnation. He is usually associated with the miracles manifesting the almighty power of God with the Blessed Virgin Mary. (Dan. 10:12; 12:1; Apoc. 12:7).

Reflections

1) How strong is my faith in God?
2) Do I firmly believe that He constantly watches me in all my undertakings?
3) Do I reject sin and all the works, promises and influence of Satan?
4) Do I commit myself faithfully to Jesus Christ by serving and loving my neighbors?

Novena to the Archangels

O Mighty Prince of the Heavenly Hosts, St. Michael, we beg you to protect and defend us in ll struggles against the everyday temptations in this world. Help us to overcome all evils and strengthen us, that we may declare our faith in and loyalty to the Most High so that together with all the angels and saints in heaven we may glorify the Lord. St. Michael, please intercede for us together with the Blessed Virgin Mary, and obtain for us the following requests __________.

Present to God the Father all these petitions through Jesus Christ our Lord together with the Holy Spirit forever and ever. Amen.

It's Just Life

I Never thought that my blog title would have songs. hahaha :) I was randomly searched for it and I found this song by Ricki Lee ( I have no idea who is this) hahaha :) But the song is quite cute too :) Unfortunately I can't find the original version in Youtube. Still, the cover is cute too ;) So, enjoy and sing a long if you know the song :)

its just life

cant say its wrong cant say its rightbut i know that I'm living this thing called life, now that I've come and found my way i know where exactly I'm going today, i used to worry 'bout what they would say but now i don't worry i just walk away and smile, i don't really need your opinion about how i

had to break away so that i could fly, i have seen the rain and the sunshine, stumbled through the darkness to make me wise. had to climb the wall i was hiding behind to open up my eyes and find that even the mistakes weren't a waste of time. its just life.

there was a time i couldnt see who i was or what i could be, i took a hold of somebody's hand they helped me see exactly who i am, clear all the smoke and turn down the lights thats who you are without all the hype. open the curtain and ill take the stage and ill show you all that I'm not afraid.

had to break away so that i could fly, i have seen the rain and the sunshine, stumbled through the darkness to make me wise. had to the wall i was hiding behind to open up my eyes and find that even the mistakes weren't a waste of time. its just life.

nobody's born with the answers to life show me someone who always got it right show me the light and ill figure it out. hey, don't feel that you have to face it alone, you cant live this thing called life all on your own. first we're all blind but in time we will see the beautiful colors of life.

i had to break away so that i could fly, i have seen the rain and the sunshine stumbled through the darkness to make me wise. had to climb the wall i was hiding behind to open up my eyes and find that even the mistakes weren't a waste of time. its just life.its just life.yes, its just life.come on yeah, yeah, its just life.sing it, sing it, sing, its just life.its just life.
P.S Let Your Smile Cover Up Your Tears

I'm Not The Happiest Person and I May Lost If There Is No God In My Life :)

Greeting Humanoid.
Yeah, I know.
It's been a while I didn't update my blog. Hehehei, I'm pretty busy on the weekday now. Yeah and this is just for the starter. Gonna be even busier in the future but not really care about it though. It's all just the same for me. Everyday is shitty day, and it's going to be even shittier. hahaha :) Trust me, I'm laughing right now. Not really haha-ing just mute one. hahaha :)
And yeah, I've change by blog theme :)
From colorful to Black and White. It's cute right? I KNOW! I'm fell in love with it! hahaha :) And I feel even calmer looking at it. It's much more of Me and the background song, as usual. Still random. hahaha :D Just that, subtract the rock and screamo song. hahaha :) as I seriously needing an upbeat song for myself. hahahaha :) Yeah, completely feeling depressed today. Not just today actually, I think almost everyday :) But I never mention it here as lots of humanoid know my blog. hahaha :) But not today. because I've changed my blog URL hahahaha! and the only person I tell is of course, one and only Jaba :)
Well, actually I don't want to tell people about how my life has been. It's my life and they have nothing to do with it :) And I don't want them to think that I'm exaggerating about stuff and making stories about my life so that I would get empathy from people. No, I'm not doing that. hahaha :) If I can, I don't want to write anything bad that happen in my life in here. IF, I can handle it emotionally. hahaha :) If I can, I just want to write about the beautiful memories I had and have everyday. But if I do, then maybe I would updated my blog like 2 or 3 weeks. hahahaha :) if you know what i mean. ehehei :)
Yeah, if I'm an Emo person or Drama Queen, I would tell here that I'm the most unfortunate person for having this kind of shitty life but thank God, I'm not any of that. hahaha :) You would be bored if I'm them. ehei :) I'm pretty optimist kind of girl, ya know. I always keep smile on my face no matter how much my heart breaks. I always find a way to make myself happy or laughing. Yeah, I do laughing by myself a LOT. hahaha :) And I'm thanking 9Gag as well for helping me laughing a lot. hahaha :) Not forget to awesome Twitter Account :)

If I'm feeling deeply depressed you can easily tell :) When I joked a lot or laughing real hard, that's mean I'm in the high level of depression. hahaha :) And if I'm just snorting or maybe chuckling, that's mean I'm normal and calm. hahahaha :) yeah, I'm observing myself. But still, I'm not pretty sure if that is correct. Ya know, I'm bipolar. hahahaha :) It change every second :) I guess that's enough about me. I'm talking to much about myself, no? hahaha :)

So, yeah. Today is somewhat um... how to say this. Quite normal. For me. hahaha :) If you were me, you would broke to tears on the spot but me, I'm immune. So, no worries :) As usual, my brother taking the shitty stuff again, yelling at my mum, blaming my little Chubby for barking at his friends, asking for 200+ ringgit but bring home nothing, bringing groups of 4 to 5 strangers home which continuously different everyday... My life is pretty nice, no? haha :) Now I feel like living with strangers or more like living in rental house. hahaha :) yeah, everyday different people coming in :D I'm sometimes really scared to be in the living room when I knew there would be bunch of strangers went in. My life is pretty insecure but I trust God. He kept me going :) I know that He is looking after me and He send his angels to guard me every night and day, walking by my side to keep me from any danger. So, I'm not really scared though :) Honestly, if I don't believe in Heaven and Hell, I think I probably has performed Voodoo or maybe I already kill my brother. hahahaha :) But yeah, I don't like to be a sinners, Sinners suck! hahaha :) I always wanted to kill him, I know I've sinned in this matter for thinking of killing my own brother. hahaha :)

And if without God in my life, I would probably had commit suicide for long time ago. I would hang myself out right after everything becoming even troublesome and hard to handle or maybe I would already slit my wrist like an Emos often do when they depressed. Heh, Emos. Or maybe I would be a wild girl, going out every night, clubbing and drinking alcohol to 'ease' the pain. hahaha :) which I knew completely that is utter bullshit :) So, I'm really thankful that I know God and having God to take of me.
Ya know, this past 2 years, I broke to tears like almost every night. But yeah, you know in the day I keep smiling hard and pretend nothing happen. hahaha :) Even few years before this, I'm feeling the same thing too. Especially when my parent almost separated last time ( thank God, they are okay now ) I was lost and I don't know what to do and how to get back on track. I never told my parents about this hahaha :) But I guess, they saw me crying. Oh, what the hell? They deserve to know how scarred I am because of them. hahaha :) I was younger that time ;) ehehei :) But yeah, maybe because God really are loves me as He always do, everything started to be okay. Then, I was busy with my school life and even sometimes, I forgot to pray before bed and I'm started to not going to church. Then, everything bad happen to me again. hahaha :) Like now, having highly positive drug brother is scared the shit out of me and I'm even cussing real bad nowadays. hahaha :D You know, I started to cussing around like it was just some everyday words since the day my brother breaks my mum's heart and I kept seeing her teary eyes. Yeah, and I cussing all over even in real life sometimes, without me noticing it ( until my friends told me or just gasped ) hahaha :) Whenever I'm cussing, I feel stronger and its help a lot reducing the pain inside me but of course I know its SO freaking wrong. hahahaha :) So, yeah, I'm thinking to stop cussing. hahaha :) besides, i'm immune with all the freaking shit things that keep happening to me. Hehei :) Relax~

Not just my brother who is haunting my head, also my future. As my parent really doesn't allow me to fulfill my childhood dream, I'm kind of rebelling about furthering my study. hahaha :) yeah, I wish I just could get out of this house sometimes. But when the reality hits me, I would tell myself "if I'm out from this house, who would take care of mum and dad? the Zombie in the room? Oh Puhlease" hahaha :) Yeah, I'm their only hopes so I guess I just stick to their plans and maybe one day I would do my best to fulfill mine. Relax~ I'm still young. hahaha :) I was thinking, maybe I'm gonna take Accounting courses. Yeah, it's easier, I think. hahaha :) and then I would getting a job and then If I got enough money, then I'll go for my childhood dream :) I've been thinking about this lately and yeah, I'm feeling a bit depressed as well. ahahaha :) I don't know how to described what I really feel inside, it just to broken up. hahaha :) can't be fixed anymore but yeah, I'm gonna keep it holding on as long as I can and If I can hold it forever, then forever it is :) I just can't stop feeling miserable ya know but I'm pretty sure that everything happens for a reason and God have plans something for me though. My life isn't that bad if I look at the bright side. I have everything I wanted, families, loves, money (haha) gadgets, foods, drinks, friends, music. hahaha :) My life is somewhat almost perfects. I just need to look at the bright side of it and keep moving on. Leave all the bad stuff behind, ignored all the negativity and keep holding on.

And in conclusion, I don't even know what I'm talking about. hahahahahahahahahaha :D Yeah, reality just knock my head just now and I was like "What the hell that I just typed?" Hahahahahaha :D sorry if this post had no sense. But I'm random and you aware of that. hahahahahaha :D about chapter 8 Levedad Little Adventure, I guess its going to be done tomorrow along with 2 chapters from Saving Chrystella Mclaren :) Oh YEAH! hahahahaha :)
And last but not least from me, I was waiting for Jaba to start our conversation in Google talk. So I just left my google talk online but Nope :) she didn't even bothered to hit the chat. *sighed* maybe she just busy though :) Well, reason I did this is because I feel like an annoying person. Actually, like seriously I'm always scared to be the first one to start the conversation as I don't really want to bother her doing stuff she's doing ( whatever the stuff is ) But if I don't she never bother, like I've said. We won't have any conversation. So, I'm thinking, maybe all this time I'm disturbing her concentration in doing things she like. I'm just freaking annoyed her. HAHAHAHAHA :) who knows, maybe she just getting bored and maybe sometimes pissed as I'm always making the chatbox popped up and distracting her. hahahaha :D I'm pretty good in distracting people though. So, I guess I just stop :(

So, Phoebe has already come and I have no privacy anymore. hahahahahahaha :) So, to end this post, enjoy my two children's picture :)

Introducing Rakael the Rabbit and Kaymie the Kitty Cat :)

So, Adieu :)

P.S Let Your Smile Cover Up Your Tears :)

Colorful Life Just With Extra Black Color :)

Ola :) I know he's cute. hehehei :D I found this picture in my old folder in my hard disk :) I don't know his name, if I do, I definitely has download his picture all over the net. hahahahaha :D So, yeah. Today I decided not to tell sad story or maybe cussing out. hahahaha :) I'm neutral. Well, not really for I'm sadder than the much day before this ahahahaha :D So, yeah :) I just don't want to contaminating your blog dashboard with my post nagging and telling how bad my life is because my life is pretty beautiful, you know. It's colorful, only with more black colors in it. hahaha :) hmmm.. I don't actually laugh when I type that, not as usual. hehehei :) Hmm.. So, yeah. I promised, I won't post to many dramatic sad story here :) Because I look like begging for sympathy and empathy. I don't need all that, I'm freaking fine though :) I still can smile as wide as (^__________________________^) hehehe :) Dolphinately!

<---- I named him Andy. hahahaha :) I don't know what his real name is, so I think Andy is quite suit him. hahahaha :) and he's my newest fictional character too :) Aha! and I'm relating him with my favorite teenage actress, Emma Roberts :) Still, I'm working on that as right now I'm thinking of concentrating on my SCM and LLA first :) I think SCM is almost the end ( Not really actually) ahahaha :) while my LLA is umm... on the way towards the rising action of the story. hahaha :) Hopefully lah, it will be soon. And I can feel it that LLA is gonna be finished faster than SCM. SCM, I think its gonna be late lah because.... Well, not because I lose interest in doing it but just that I... um... how to say this, Umm... <---- I just realize, I got black t-shirt that almost look like his hahaha *iklan sebentar* sorry for that short break. hahahahaha, I accidentally glanced at his t-shirt and suddenly popped out of my head hehehe, so, where are we? Oh yeah, SCM I do have the perfect story line for it but I feel like I need to find out more about Greek, the myths and their god and goddess. For its quite the main element of the story though. I'm still lacking of information about all of that and I also, I've been thinking lately that SCM is just some lame story. hahahaha :) forgive my negativity, but yes, it's true. hahahaha :) Seriously, people can easily predicted what's happen next and in the end of the story. Hehehei. Well, I was thinking to end it as predicted by peoples. But just now, something knocking me mentally and right now my inner me keep giving me ideas how to end it without people knowing it. hahahaha :) Well, just wait and see then. hehehei. But yeah, for this few days maybe as long as this gloomy weather inside me don't leave me alone, I'm thinking of taking a short break from continue writing these two precious story of mine :) I just need a rest :) because, if I'm not, I think I'm gonna write a very worst story line ever. hahahaha :) maybe with lots of cussing too. ehehei, I don't want that for I want people of all ages to read it up later :)

<---- I've been staring at this picture for an hours before and I found that he look like my fictional Andy. hahahaha :D maybe they are the same person. OHO, might be he's my future husband. huahahahaha :D Just kidding. ekekeke :) He does my type though. Not gonna denying it as it pretty no use though. ahahaha :D anyhow, lets stop there. hahahaha :) So, what else should we talk about? Yeah, today I went to Riam Institute to register but the principal rejected me as he said that my SPM results is suitable for Arts courses. when he told me this, I was like "I know right?" hahahahahha :) Yeah, and he told me that he quite understand that I'm not a person who loves science and math. that time, I really wish that he's my dad. hahaha or maybe my dad is like him. hahahaha :) I'll be the happiest girl in the world. But yeah, even though the principal said so, mum won't change a thing. She said, I'm gonna try my best though to get credits in Level A. Hmmmm *Sighed* Life sucks. UH! Sorry, I shouldn't have done this as I'd promised though. hahahahaha :D Kay, sorry. Let's change subject. hahahahahaha :) Umm... yeah, just now I was on the phone with Prudence as I was accidentally wrote her crush name publically on twitter. hahahahaha :D I wasn't realized that we actually talking in twitter as I thought we're just texting as usual. hahahahaha :) I can't stop laughing you know, haiya... she keep begging me to delete it and yeah, I did so. hahahahaha :D And she said, she's gonna kill me as soon as we met soon. hahahahahahaha :D I'm ready! go for it, dude! ekekekeke XD

<----- Another hawty Emos hahahaha :) Yeah, no kidding he's damn hot. hahahaha :) Anyway, let's move on. Umm... Well, I just want to say that I just realize my purpose of living is to bring others smiles :) You know, it's really heartwarming when I see people surrounds me smiling, and laughing happily. Its seem like, bringing me the joy of life. And I kind of grateful though for having the computer class as I finally have time for myself, enjoying my favorite song alone, driving to places that I always wanted to go, alone. Singing out loud without care what people would think about me. No one even judge me and bothering me, making me sad, angry and so whatever. And every time, I went home, I always thankful if there got Jam on my way home. I just wish that I can be on the road as long as I want it to. hahahaha :) I just love it. And every day, after my computer class, I won't straightly home, I'll think of some place to hang out before I went home. hehehei. And tomorrow, maybe I'll stopped at Permy Mall and having a nice san francisco coffee for myself. huahahaha :) Dahki nek. hahahahaha XD but I'm still thinking about it la. My wallet is thinning as I just lend 50 to my brother =.=; permanently. hahahahahaha :D Never mind, Its not something new :) hahahaahha :) I'm fine with it... T^T my 50~~` hahahahahahahaha XDD

Blue eyes guy is freaking hot, don't you think? I KNOW!!!! >..< hahahaha XD well, answering to his question, forever is still not enough baby. HAHAHAHAHAHA :D Delusional again. ekekeke :D I can't help it though. Hehei~ :) and oh yesterday I went to Toys World, well more likely to say that I went to Belle's bookshop and I bought two notebook with cool patterns on it and a reading book. hahaha :) the reading book is something about Emotional Healing Physically and Spiritually. Yeah :) I haven't read it though. hahahaha :D Don't have feeling to read it anyway. ekekeke :) Maybe soon lah. hahaha :D and today, I went to PBB at Emart and bought myself 2 Conan comic books and A National Geographic Magazine which is tells more about the Journey of the Apostles. Yeah, the story is quite mesmerizing me but I haven't finish reading it lah. hahahaha :D not even reach the half of the story yet. ekekekeke :) As I'm ended up here. ekekeke :)

I've been trying lots of time to use this guy picture for my post but I always fail doing so. So, today no matter what, I'm still gonna use his picture. hahahahaha :) He just freaking cute. I love his silky hair though. ekekeke :) Umm... Well, I don't actually have thing to say ya know. I do have things to share but yea, none of it is good. hahahahahaha :D And you may think i'm making everything that I wrote down in my blog. I mean like, I purposely saying like it was the big and serious. Well, you know my head never lies. I wrote what I feel like I want to write. Its all came from my deepest heart. Wasehhmen. And yeah, my life is pretty amusing. Right now, I'm going after the person who keeps telling me that my life is pretty and she/he was very envy with my life before. So, from now on, i'm going to find that person as I willingly giving him/her my life. hahahaha :) With biggest pleasure, they can have it though :) I'm happy. hahahaha :) and I won't regretting it. Hahahaha :) hmmmm..... I don't know when all this gonna ends but for sure, I'll just stick with a wide smile on my face :)
I'm just tired nagging about it. Nagging won't solve anything, it just making I look like a empathy beggars. hahahahaha :) I don't want to be call as attention seeker. I'm just wishing that, just for one day, everyone leave me alone and let me be on my own :) I wish as well that just for once, my day is better or neutral is already fine with me :)
And so, I lied about not telling my true feeling. hahaahaha :D Well, just that this is the only place I can pour my heart out without anyone would tell me that they understand what I'm going through like they are in my shoes or they are me. They just keep lying to themselves for telling me that. I'm just freaking tired listening to those lame same dialogue. Just I wish that, instead of telling me that they understand, I think I would prefer if they just can make me forget about all this things. I just want to smile, laugh and act like nothing happen. I want to be happy. If I had the genie lamp, Happiness is the first thing I would wish for :)

So, YEAHHHH!!! I'm freaking tired of typing. Needing very hot, hot shower. A normal hot shower actually but with me in it. hahahahaahahha :D so  it become hotter. hahahahahahaha :) So, yeah... I let Joe the Emo guy to end this post (( I freaking like his looks. VERY CUTE!! )) Totally make my day! >.< Thanks Joe!! :)

Whenever you feeling lonely

Whenever you feeling depressed

Whenever you feeling sad

Remember,

I feel that too but still

I Keep This Bright Smile On My Face

So,

You Smile Too :)

We keep on living this world together :)

Proving to the world, 

That we are the strongest person ever! :)

Even stronger than sir Arnold Schwarzenegger

or Steven Seagal

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

P.S Let Your Smile Cover Up Your Tears :)

My Life is Hell But One Day I'll Turn It To A Paradise.

But the things is....

I was never fine

I was never okay

I always lied to you

and I lied to myself too

I thought I am fine

But the truth I'm bleeding so hard inside

I can't barely breathing

I'm going away soon

I decided soo

Now, I need you to help me out....

Understand all this fucking stuff that keep happening to my life?

I wish I had the gun and blow my head so my brain will colored the wall

I hate this fucking life

Everything keep falling apart

I try to be happy

I want to live normal

But I guess being normal is nothing but a lie

When i feel normal, I'm fucking delusional

Everything is fake

But now I see

I'm decided to leave this fucking world

But still I have something make me stay

Someone who keeps me going

My parent keep me moving on too

I never was strong to face all this shit

But I pretended to be

So I can be my mum's strength and keep her going......

BUT

if I lost this people one day

Then, I welcomed you to my funeral

FUCK THIS

I WON'T GIVE UP!

Dear God

Give me more strength

I want to fight

I don't want to lose in this game call life

I have my rights

Those shit aren't the one who should end me.

I should end myself

Even the devil himself don't have the rights to end me

For I know that God is the one who hold my souls

I'm belong to Him and no one else.

So, it's Him only who can end me.

I am blessed with his endless love

I'm full of His grace...

I have purpose in life and I know it

I won't let those bastard to end me 

I will keep on fighting

I will fight till the last breath I have inside

I know God is there with me

So, I'm not afraid at all.

Nothing can stop me

with God,

I am Strong even when I'm weak...

No Longer Can Stop The Pain.

Wishing that I can disappeared from this big sphere of lies
Freaking out every single moment when I found out I'm alive
Underneath the faces which I believe wasn't a lies
That in fact the truth wasn't even written inside those fully eyes.

Now I wish I am dead for a while
Wondering what which memories will ticking in their mind
Will it be the worst?
Or could it be the best time of our life?
Or maybe there will be pearls of laughter with me dying slowly behind
Will they smile when I'm already gone for life?
Would their life easier without me by their side?

Sometimes I feel like I'm the worst part of their life
Sometimes I feel like I should be blame for all the twisted moment of their happy time
Maybe I should just vanished from this world
And never reappeared again for the rest of my life
maybe it is the best solution for them into the happier life.

Slitting my wrist, letting the blood flows out from my veins won't settle it out
Jumping from the top floor of a building and get myself killed won't change a things
What should I do now?
When everyone I loved declaring their hates on me
Criticizing me silently and throwing the disgusting look on me
Make me feel like I'm the most unwanted person in their life
I feel so hopeless now
I feel like I'm broken inside and outside
I've been feel alright for a while and now the pain is biting me off again.
I'm grateful that I've survive the last one
But I wonder
Will I survived in this game too?

No one know what I've been feeling this few months
No one, even the most sensitive person will noticed the bleeding heart I have inside
The scars now widely opened once more
I had running out of bandage to wrap it all again
I don't have a clue of what should I do now.

Oh God, please guide me to the truth
I'm tired of living in lies of people I've put trust on
I'm losing my mind for most of the time
I'm afraid that I might losing myself one day

Oh Lord, please forgive me for all my sins
if my sins brought me to this misery of life
then I begged you Lord to forgive me and cleanse my souls
So I would start a new,

Oh my dearest Father,
Help me heal this wounded heart
Sew it all together again for I can't stand it pain anymore
I'm lifeless and I'm getting weakened each day
I need you, Father.
Give me strength so I can lives this life for another chapter

I'm stoned in the middle of nowhere
I don't know which path I should go
But what I surely know is
I should continued putting on my happy mask
Fooling the whole wide world
Telling them I'm the happiest person in the world
Telling them I have everything that they ever wanted in their life
And telling them that I'm one of the strongest person that ever lives in this world
For I know,
This this mask of mine
Can burn their spirits and keep them going on their life
Making they feel like they are too as strong as I am
Then, if my smiles can help those people who needed too,
Then, I'm pretty sure I'll be happy too
Even inside I'm broken into millions pieces.
But deep, deep inside, I'm feeling appreciated
And I feel that little sparkle of Hopes
Hope where there is someone who totally care of my existence in the world.

The Depression Test

Found this test in Jaba's blog, so I decided to try it out. Guess what? Through this test, now I'm confirmed that I have bipolar Disorder (=.=;) Cyclothymia ( mild bipolar disorder) is High as well. Oh God, Why? hahahaha :D

Disorder	Your Score
Major Depression:	High
Dysthymia:	High-Moderate
Bipolar Disorder:	Extremely High
Cyclothymia:	Very High
Seasonal Affective Disorder:	High
Postpartum Depression:	N/A
Take the Depression Test