Never Feel This Good For A While Now

Greetings, humanoid :)
Today is Mother's day~ weee~ Well, since I'm pokai right now, so I didn't buy anything for my mom or my aunts and so I thought of giving them something handmade hehe :) Well it's not that good though but I just hope they'll like it. I manage to finish it early this morning and yeah.... I hope they'll like it though hehehe :) I've done giving it to my mom and my aunt next door. I only need to find time to give to indai and mak andau later on. Well, I'm secretly hoping they'll come over though. I'm freaking lazy to drive or going anywhere today kekeke :3

So, tomorrow I'm gonna start my usual routine which is going back to school. Gah, I don't feel like going though. I need more holidays but then, it was never enough eh? hahaha oh well, like I have other choice though. Since next week, I'm going to ask for a week long holidays for Gawai Celebrations but I have to ask my mom first and if she allows it, then access granted. kekeke :3 So, there's been a lot going on in my life lately. Most of it is my downtime and mental breakdown. Gosh, I think it getting serious nowadays hahaha I feel like I'm losing to this downtime, like giving up, even my positive energy almost couldn't save me. hahahaha :D But then again, I'm feeling a little better now. Daryl Dixon save my life. hahahahahah XD oh yeah baby. His hotness is killing my suicide thought hahaha XD and then Good Charlotte's song is playing quite a very big part in this matter too especially the song called Hold On. I feel my burdened lifted a bit after I heard the song :) thank you, GC :)

Well, I suppose to post this post last few weeks ago but I was in confusion whether to write about this or not but then, since I'm feeling okay now so I thought of sharing what I've been through lately. Well, not everything, just briefly.

I love his teeth~ aha :) Yes, Austin Carlile teeth captivated me. hahahaha XD alright. Um... let's straight to business. I have plenty more good news to tell though hehe :) So, um... Well, I don't know how to start but ummm... okay... you see, i've been struggling with my mental breakdown on the past month as well as this month. I just managed to get through this by this week. I was feeling so depressed, angry, guilty, sad, mad, feel like I want to scream out loud and smash everything that I see in front of me, well i didn't do that though hehe :) I don'y know... i just filled with all the negative energy and my mind... hell, I'm stuck in there. but nobody noticed how broken I am. At first I was fine, I still can managed not until my mom told something that breaks me into pieces though and she and the rest of the family given me the look of losing trust on me and they blame me for that. well, sure it was my fault for having a big mouth. Serve me right though. I feel that everyone in the family hates me, and I feel so alone. I just need somebody to be with me that time but no one there. everyone seems to be running away from me and left me there alone, facing every shit all by myself. So, that time. The only thing that coming into my mind is Suicide and self-harm. I shove away the suicide though somehow, I tried real hard to shove it away and I keep convincing myself that I'm a coward that I won't do suicide no matter what. So I didn't but not the second part.

Well... I umm...I was freaking broken that time that I took my eyebrow razor and at first I was hesitate to do it but then again, I'm so mad at myself that I thought I deserved the punishment. So, I put it on my skin and cut. But it's not deep until drew blood no. It is more of scratching my skin actually and I told myself that it just scratching and it wouldn't considered as self-harm somehow and no one would care about it though. And yeah, I'm right about no one cares about me. I covered it up with lots and lots of colorful bracelets in which I haven't done in years, I mean wearing lots of bracelets but it seems like no one noticed about it. Well, if they cared enough about me, they would ask why i'm wearing bracelets only on my left hands? heh, well... like I want them to notice though. I mean, it was the last thing i want people to know. I don't want to be questioned about it somehow. kekeke :D

So... the scratching become my habits for the last few weeks ago. I keep on praying for help and strength that it just feel wrong you know. I mean, it just so not me to give up over shitty stuff like this but there a voice telling me that it just scratching and its totally harmless. I wasn't quite convince though that I searched on google. (Idiot, am I? hahaha) and I found that scratching will leads to cutting eventually. mostly, they all started with scratching since they thought it was harmless. I don't wanna cut you see. It's not like I'm scared of blood or dies, it just that I don't want to be blame anymore. enough is enough. even if I'm dead, I can't afford that. kekeke XD I'm just concerned that the cut will leave a permanent mark on my skin that it will be so hard for me to hide it and it would give my future hard time to move on in life every time she saw the scars. it was for my own good. I don't care about others, they don't care about me as well *shrugs* So, I took the advice in which they said that I should tell somebody about it.

So I did. I told Lalan about it and I'm regretting it. But then, it's better than telling sis Jaba though. I mean, she has her own thing to settle with and I don't want to be a burdened for her. She had enough problems to settle with. I don't want to annoy her with my presence somehow :) Anyway, ummm... well, why I regret it? there are few reasons why. Well, honestly I told Lalan because she's the one that won't even bother to ask why in which the attitude I really need the most. I thought she wasn't concern about me since I told her that I've stopped (which was a total lies) but then again, once she called me for nothing. I thought she has something to tell me or ask me to help but she simply calling me just to ask me if I'm doing fine or not. That time, I see the sparkles of hope that there are still someone care about me. I stopped. Not for long though, since my mom starts to give pressures by the way she talks to me, the way she look at me and I don't know... she's like pulling my trigger. So, I again took the razor to my skin and scratched. but this time, I think I might put the razor a little deeper that it started to draw some bloods from the marks. I was shocked by the first attempt but that didn't stop me, I cut few more until I feel a little relieves. The cut wasn't deeper though, it still can be considered as a scratching :)
And then, I prays for help again and that is the time GC saved me. I was driving somewhere that time, i think I was going to fetch the maids and suddenly GC's songs, Hold On plays on my player and I feel like I'm being comforted. the lyrics saved me. So, I decided to stop. And here I am today... Today is my second day of free from self-harm and I think I'll managed since I don't have to be at home like 24/7 now since I got school :) I love school hahahaha XD
So, back to why I regret that I've told Lalan/ Well, you see... I umm... I always finds her make fun of me you see like today, I told her that my lips is dry and every time I speak, it would crack and then she told me, "so now you're doing it to your lips?" and chuckles. Well I chuckles too... she didn't know it hurts me though. I mean, well... maybe she didn't mean it that way or maybe she just pretend that she cared before. I mean, everyone can pretend that they care after somebody told them about something like this, right? So that the person will tell the rest of the world on how nice they were. pshh... that just lame tactic. Well again, maybe I'm just being negative here and maybe I have trust issues now. I just can't trust anyone with anything about myself anymore. enough is enough. I'm betrayed enough. I rather sit here and do my own thing. I trust people too easy and maybe that's why everybody turn their back against me after that. I maybe deserve it somehow.... So, wish me luck on this though. Hopefully I can managed this somehow :)

So, last Friday... sis Inut got married! woohooo~~~~ XDD congratulations. Finally she's married. Well, this make me thinking, after her, who's gonna marry next? hehehe definitely not me. kekeke :3 I'm officially social retarted nowadays so there's no hope for the next 2 to 4 years ahead. kekeke :3 Anyway, bot sis Inut and bro Ment is like a pair of dove, their hands fit in each others. I hope they'll have a big family in the future and their love will lasts for eternity. Hope they can lives with full of joy and wealth, happiness will come towards them and they'll support each other always through thick and thin. This is what I hope for the both of them. Most importantly, I want them to be happy :)

So, another think I wanna talk about is that my NU ABO. well, i'm starting to write again somehow and I want to finish this one first before i start another projects. I mean, I seriously need to learn how to focus on one story first like I once did when I was younger. hahahaha :D anyway, I'm just newly start writing this and I've stopped for few days now. So, if my brain wanted to cooperate with me later on, then maybe I'll try to write some more. But right now, I have the urge to play SIMS 2 Pets. huahuahuahua XD I'll back to the story later. Well, the story... I can't really tell how I'm gonna do it since I myself have not a single clue on how to deal with it. Let just wait where my brains will take me hehehe :) And I also think to post it on Wattpad once I manage to finish it though. I mean, I want to see how many people would waste their precious time to read my craps hahahaha :) seriously. I have no confidence but I want to know. My English is hell so bad but yeah, I want to know how bad it is. hehehe :) Ummm.... so. I have nothing left to tell you guys here. So, Just to tell that I won't bother looking for anyone. They need me, they look for me. I'm done looking for people, I'm done missing others. I done for everything. if they miss me, they'll call me or dropped by or text me. That's what technologies are for. I'm tired. I'm just done.

So, bye bye for now :)
Shall meet again soon :)

P.S Let Your Smile Cover Up Your Tears :)

Forgive My Clumsy Brain Cells. It Can Be Real Jerks Sometimes

Oh hey~ *cough* i mean, greetings, humanoids. This will be a very short updates since I'm in the middle of studying actually. I have my fourth paper today which is Human Resources. I won't say its pretty easy nor it is hard to study, well its depends on my brain actually whether it can remember everything i'm trying to study right now or it will poof just like farts hehehei~

But anyway, not important for now. Well, you see... Last few days ago or should i say for the last whole month ago, i was having a very bad depression that i eventually having my paranoia on top of my head that i thought i can never survuve it. I mean, seriously. I'm barely hanging on you see. I keep on seeing the world aroud me in negative ways and maybe... Well, or i'm pretty sure that i've hurts numberes of people's feelings. Yeah, quite a selfish act, i must say.

So, in regard for that... I want to make an apology for those people i've hurt. You guys have nothing to do with it and it just me having some kind of downfalls whoch caused by my scumbag brains. Ugh. Sometimes I really wish i can mute the voices behind my head you see. If i'm weak, if i don't have enough strength to keep on living, i think i'm losing for them. I mean, they're very manipulative. But they're useful sometimes :)

I'm out of topic. Hahaha anyway*cough* i'm very much sorry about what i've said or technically, typed. Especially my last two post which i blame some people for something but that thing doesn't really matter actually. What pass is passed. I mean come on, we're all make mistakes and seriously, i can't even keep some secret up for too long okay? I'm a promise breaker myself. So, since it was my own fault, i'm very sorry, i really do and i really mean it. I'm sorry for, maybe my words were to harsh on you guys and i don't know what i was thinking that time. I don't think i even thinking right about the consequence that time. Anger took over me. Anger of being found out that i was sharing the secret with you guys which i was told not too.. ( see, i'm a secret breaker myself) I was mad at myself to be honest. Not you guys but i must say that i admit that i actually did make a twisted story over there, which is even though i said i didn't blame you guys but the words i'm typing were actually did. But really, you see. I don't intend to blame you guys. It just, hmmm... How to say this. I was just shock with the news my mom told me and anger filling me and tearing me apart. I'm started to feel that i was betrayed. Well, i believed i was. Hahaha seriously. Nonsense. But in this couple of days, i'm resorting back everything and i found that i was wrong all along. No one betrayed my trust, no one have done bad for me. It was me all along. Well, at least that part i was right hehehe and yeah, my paranoic-juice were spilling my brain that time that it had over controlled more than half of my positicity. Thank God. He again saved me from seeing lies that my brain have let me see. Really.

And seriously. I'm very much sorry about this matter man. I mean it. I'm sorry that I might have given you hard time, puzzling that complicated brains of yours. I'm sorry that if my stupid clumsy paranoic brain has make you feel guilty for nothing and make you feel worthless. I have no intention to make you feel bad dude. You are one of the important person in my life and also the best dude i ever had since forever. I know that i have making you feeling bad like this for like dozens time now i think. I understand that if you are hesitate to forgive me this time but i just want you to know that I'm very sorry. O can't say it when i'm facing you because i admit that i'm a coward. Because i'm the guilty one. So, i hope that you would stumble with this post and read it. So you will know that i'm sincerely sorry for what i've done. I won't ask you to forgive me though since i know that i have deserve enough forgiveness from you from the past that i feel like i don't deserve any for now.

I'm very sorry, dude. I mean it.

Fuck My Trust On People. Just Fuck It. Damn.

I'm just tired of bullshit of where the fuck is "Oh, we won't tell a shit to anybody about this shit?" where the fuck is that fucking promise, man? I trust you people to keep it as a secret and you guys eventually tell others about it even after i fucking told you not to? what the fuck?

Well, congratulations! you destroyed my fucking trust that I put on you people. I guess I'm just trusting to easy heh? I should have known about this earlier that I should never fucking trust or tell a shit about what had happen to my brother. I'm just so fucking fed up with this shit. I trust you... I fucking trust you to keep it as a secret. Why would you do this to me? why the fuck, man? why?

I know that my brother is a bitch and he's iynvolves with drugs and shit. and that stuff is not what you should said or tell. I remembered that I've told you not to tell a soul about it even if it your parents. I mean it dude. Why?

I guess telling you guys about that shit is the worst decision ever. I regret that I've you about it and don't ever wish that I've told you anything anymore. I'm fucking done. Seriously. Its not like you don't know hows your parent. I'm not trying to talk bad things about them, but once they knew about something, there's a chance the whole world will know about it and it will bring disgrace to my family. Don't you ever get it? that is the fucking reason I don't want you to tell any shit about my brother to them. Well, maybe you guys refer everyone to judge my brother and talk bad shit about him. I know my brother has making a fucking dumb mistake. but he's change man. And now.... I don't know. I guess I'm just trusting the wrong person. You can't even keep a simple promise. I'm sorry man. I'm just... done.
But all in all. I can't blame you for this. This is my own fucking fault for can't even keep my fucking mouth shut. I guess I deserve all the blame for telling when I was told I shouldn't be doing that. Thank you. Now everyone hates me and judge me. Thank you.

Now my mom interrogating me and I don't know, maybe the whole family that knows about it will try to make me tell the truth.

I'm sorry.

I'm...

I need sometimes to convince people that i'm fine with this fake smile :)
And i shall say with this bright fake smile of mine that "I'm feeling just fine. I never felt so awesome like this"

Mental Breakdown but I'm fine. I promise.

Greetings, humanoids. I'm here again. Woohoo~ hahahaha Well, I was actually thinking of doing some revision just now but then I decided to update bloggy first because I keep on being distracted by shitty stuff that I can't let out of my mine hahahaha I know~ I'm so stressed by all of it. I just couldn't stop thinking about negativity no matter what I do, I just couldn't. Its seems to be permanent inside of my head. kekeke well, hopefully not. If it is, I don't know what would happens to me next though. hehehe. Let's stay positive on life, eh?
And yeah, well... Not much stuff happening lately, just some mental breakdown and feeling left out a bit and seems like no one even care if I'm alive or not. ahahaha I'm just like. here. You know what I mean? I mean, I'm here with them but they just could sense me. I'm just there. hahahaha :D or in other word, I'm invisible. Wooohoo~ hahahaha XD its not nice to be invisible though. I mean, invisibility suck. well, I do like it sometimes since I'm much more of a loner thing. hehehe but yeah, when it came to this, it just suck man. I just can't really express it into word on how bad it is. I just can say, it's suck a lot. Anyway, I'm having bad and good news to tell here and one of the bad news is I haven't study for my finals at all. And it's gonna be next week and yeah, i'm dead. hahahaha XD seriously, I don't feel like studying at all. I mean, with all this shitty things coming into my head lately, I just can't do anything. Even blogging. I just don't feel to do anything at all for now. I'm just like. "Whatever, fuck it. I'm going to fail anyway," hahaha yeah, not funny i know. But really.. I just can't find any motivation to boost up myself anymore. I feel like I'm letting go of myself. I'm just tired I guess.

And, uh... let's start with the good news. hehehe :) Well, my brother is back now and I have faith that he's going to be a better person, a good and responsible brother and a father to shawn. I have faith that he can take care of my parents and pay all his debts to them. and I do believe that he's never going to choose the same dark paths again. Well, I just keep on believing in him like I used too. that's what I suppose to do as a sister to him, right? I just hope that everything will gets even better in my family though. I mean, I hope everything will gets better for my parents. Me? I don't really care about my feelings anymore. I mean, nothing ever gets better on me. hehehei, in facts, it's getting worsened especially every time I feel like trusting people, and eventually, that person would destroyed that trust I put in them and I have feelings that I'm getting even stupider every day. I don't know why but seriously, why in the world am I still forgiving those who have hurts me so much? why am I still wanted to be with them even when I knew they only needs my presence when they have no one else? why? I keep on asking about this. Why am I born stupid? Oh wow, I'm out of track. ahahaha sorry..

uh, back to my bro. He's um... well, he's better now, he's healthy and so far so good. hehe. just that my mum... she's seems to care more towards my brother. I mean, psshhh... of course she cared him more because she doesn't want him to go back again to that shitty stuff. I know that but I could feel that she's care too much that making me felt left out. you know what I'm saying? Well, maybe It just me but seriously. I can't help it but to feel this way. she was like, all about my bro and she eventually making me feel like I'm not there. I was there it just that she don't see me anymore. She only see my brother. I don't hate ,my brother, I love my brother and I love my mom too but it just, *sighs* well, like I said, maybe its just me after all. I don't want to blame anyone else about anything anymore. I've been there and then I found that everything falls apart all because of me. So, I'll just put all the blame on myself though since its seriously coming from my fucked up brains :)

Lately, I'm very tempted to cut my wrist and I don't know why. I sounds like making things up eh? I know... that's why I was actually thinking few times whether to write about this or not because I don't want people to think that I was making this stuff up so that I can get their attentions. But a little voice from the back of my brains whispered to me that I should say this so I could feel better after getting everything out of my head. Well, not everything, part of it. hehe :)
Honestly, I'm struggling so hard to not drawn into cutting. You see... I don't know how to say this but my wrist feel so itchy and I'm so freaking tempted to cut and see the bloods flowing from my veins. I'm just. Oh god, I think I'm crazy. hahaha but seriously, I don't want to do it. I don't want to. Even if I do it, my life won't gets better. and no one would still care somehow. So, I'll just hurt myself in vain. I can't afford that. I'm already is hurt too much mentally, I can't hurt myself physically now. hehehehe :) I know that people only care about someone like me when I'm dead. Seriously, that time, they'll say "Oh, how I wish I was there when she's dying," or even better words they would say, "I know her like forever and now she's gone. Why you have to leave us now? so selfish of you!" heh. then, where are you guys at when I'm still breathing? when I need someone to lean on? when I need hugs? Aren't you selfish yourself? It just fucked up you see. Everyone will start to love and care about you when you're gone from their life. When they know you'll never come back, then they realized how much they loves you. I can't help it but to agree with this. I mean, it's obvious. Sometimes, something like this really make me wants to do suicide but then, maybe I'm too stupid that I care too much about people around me. I keep telling myself that suicide won't worth it, you'll hurt your parents, everyone will get so upset and you'll make things worst. can you believe that? I keep telling myself not to hurt everyone around me when actually those people are the one who make me have this suicidal thought. I'm just dumb I guess.

*sighs* anyway, let's stop with those suicide thing. hahaha I won't do it, no matter what. So, don't worry. Okay, ummm.. next things I'm gonna say is about sis Inut... She's already married. Woohoo~~ I just knew about this from sis Jon. Well, if sis Jon didn't tell me about it, then i would never know anything about this since no one tell me. hehehe well, like I said. I'm just some unimportant dude of the family, you see. I'm just you know, just there and only appear before their eyes when they needed something from me. I don't think they even remember my name or even my existence in the family. But yeah again. Never mind, at least I know now. Well, just to say congratulations to sis Inut and her husband. May have lots of cute kids and be happy till forever. I mean it :)
And then... oh ya... I lost contact to sis Jaba like literally. I  was stopping looking out for her because you know why ( i don't want to write the same thing all over again ) and she was like, "Okay, whatever." Well, honestly said. I think her life is much better without me looking out for her. I mean, seriously. She seems to have more fun without me and I always see her in Tumblr and she have a very lively fun chat with her new friends but don't even bother to talk to me. Well, couldn't blame her though. I mean, it really are fun to talk to someone new. I love talking to someone new myself. Well, again I should say this, maybe it just me who think all negative like this. I mean, come on. I'm always negative hehehe :) I just... I don't know. the voices in my head keep on telling me that she's actually never even care about me. You know, not just her, everybody. They all just pretended that they care when they actually not. And the most hurtful I've heard about her is that one time, sis Jon told me that when she was texting with sis Inut last time and she ask her that why they're not coming for a visit to our house anymore and sis inut told her that sis Jaba is rather go on the internet, chatting than spending time like we used to before and that time. God. I'm seriously you know. poof... I'm all gone.  hahaha but then as usual, I immediately change the topic though, I don't want to be seen by sis Jon, how much that news hurt me. Well, truth hurts :) At least I know now that I'm not important to her. for all this time, I guess I'm right. I was the only one who felt that they are important and means something to me and I'm just some meaningless dude for them : *shrugs* I can't do anything about that though. Oh well.

<---- this baby girl is my only hope for now, aahahahaha yesh, she always lightened my life whenever I feel down. her cuteness is just too amazing. Just that, she's too naughty hahaha :D Oh well, she's too adorable, so her naughtiness in means nothing. kukuku XD

And right, speaking of truth hurt. Last time, I was borrong Lalan's phone when I was pooping hehehe since my phone was no battery. So, I was like listening to her playlist and enter one folder to another and then I came to her images folder. So, looked inside la. Then I was so fucking surprise seeing all the pictures she took with her so-called-besties, Lynn. Well, if it just overly make-up, I don't mind. but the thing is, they have this couple of pictures where they wore something so slutty, so cheap, so.... god, i don't know. Got one picture, they took together where this bitch lynn wore only bras and panties and I'm like what the fuck? Seriously. I was like What the fuck? why need to snap something so slutty like that? Thank God that lalan didn't dressed up in something like that. She just wore something so short, that the t-shirt only covers her bust and short pants. Heh. gosh... I don't know what is going on with my sisters anymore. And there goes some lies that lalan told me when I was looking at all the pictures. She told me that she don't wear contact lenses but the fact is, she is. But pshh.... I'm not saying that she should tell me everything. No~ but at least, when people asking, she should just said yes, not often. I mean come on. Why being so hypocrites like that? I mean, why can't she dressed nicely when going shopping with the rest of us like she dressed up when shopping with her friends? why don't she just be herself when with us? Why? why she have to be so fucking pretentious like that? Why?

That's why I said. I'm not an important dudes in the family. No one dare to tell me anything. maybe because I look so untrustworthy. ahahaha :D And yeah, there are so much things happen to me lately and I'm losing interest to keep going about the bullshit. Besides, no one even care though. I sometime tries to reach for someone out there but then again, no one cares. They just pretend that they care but actually they're not. Maybe I should just stay shut up and pasted this awesome smile on my face, because I'm awesome. hehehe and well, I'll be fine somehow. If I can get through last few years, I can get through this too :)
I have myself and I'm still strong to hold on. I have... you know stuff to do and I guess, I'll be studying as hard as I can so that I can go somewhere far away from here. Yep. I think its the best option though. Away from everybody. I don't think anyone would need me here anymore. I guess, I'm making the right decision, telling mum that I wants to further my degrees somewhere overseas. I haven't decides where yet but I guess, the further, the better. Everyone would be happy and it's gonna be happy ending for everyone, and I'm hoping for happy ending for myself too. This is my last solutions. I'll just leave them, because I think this is the least I can do to make them happy. I'm just their burdens.



P.S Let Your Smile Cover Up Your Tears :)

I'm in love with this guy. kekekeke XD his name is Josh Fontaine but he's a year younger than I am T^T haahahaha XD oh well, he's cute :)

Friendship That I Thought Won't Last.

Greetings, humanoid.
Today, I'm going to talk about the friendship I once thought was lost. Well, you see I was wrong. Completely wrong. I thought these girls would leave me and we can't be together like we used to. But that's all was wrong. In fact, we still can be together like we used to in high school. Nothing change between us to be honest. Just that we couldn't find time to spend together anymore. Well, you know. Our timetables are so freaking different from each other. Plus, we're studying at different schools.

Well, of course. We had numbers of fights before but then we eventually come back together again and act like nothing happens. Heh, crazy no? Well, that's friendship. But if we never fought, then I don't think we can still be friends today. Honestly, I just wanna say that I'm glad that I met this three beautiful girls and if I had a chance, and courage, I just want to take a brief moment, just to thank them for staying beside me, and be my friends until today. Even though we're like so rarely contacting with each other, sometimes, it will be like few month we're not going to see each other, I still can feel that they are there for me. Even when they're be with someone else, I know they are with me. I'm just glad you know. I never realized how special our friendships are until today.

We barely know each other and we might very lack of interaction between one another, but honestly, I can be myself when around these girls. I don't have to pretend to be someone that I'm not. They are accepting me as I am. I mean, you know quite well that I'm a toothless hehehe. Well yeah, I've told them and they're like Whoa~~ is it hurt? ahahaha I thought they're going to make fun of me you see and then would eventually break our friendship because they're shy to be friend with some toothless girl like me. hahaha XD
but they're just/. Okay whatever.. hahaha you know what I'm saying? hmmm... well that, I'm glad too :)

And honestly I said that there are time that I kind of disliking them, not all of them. only one of them. you know who. hahaha but then again, I thought that there is no reason for me to keep disliking her. I mean, no matter how bad I treat her, she's still staying. No matter how many text I didn't reply, she still there. I feel bad sometimes you know. Because she doesn't know why I'm treating her that way, so basically it's my fault for not telling what I dislike about her. hahaha Oh well, she'll know one day. Let others tell her about it. kekeke I have no heart to tell her.

We're so different from many aspects, mentally or physically. But that differences, maybe that's what make us still staying together until today. Well, maybe it just me who think this way, but doesn't matter though because I'm very glad that I knew them at the first place. I'm glad that I have a special group of people in my life and make me feel completed. I mean, I already have the most loving family in the world and now they're filling in the part which is the greatest friends of my life.

So, conclusion. I would love to cherish our friendship till the end of my breathes. I really do thanked them for staying by me for all these years. I think there is no other people can replace them in my heart. Thank you for the friendships. I shall cherish it forever.
and yeah, when I'm typing this.. I'm telling story like I'm going to leave forever hahahahaha seriously. I mean, the fuck? why all the sudden? ahahahaha oh well, for sure. I'm not gonna die. I haven't meet with my favourite celebrities yet. kekekeke :D Plus, I have final exams next two weeks. hahahaha XD
okay then, I shall sleep now.
Good morning

P.S Let Your Smile Cover Up Your Tears

Another Story O.O

Greetings again, humanoid. Well, i think i'm feeling much better now since well, you see I've started to write another story. Ahahaha kill me for that but i can't help it. New ideas keep on attacking me you see and i just can restrains myself anymore if i do, my head might explode due to the excessive unwritten ideas kekeke :3 anyway, this time i'm writing a vampiric story but it's more of a love story. So basically i'm just combining my favorite subject and my main writing genre. Hehehe :3 i got this ideas after watching twilight and hotel Transylvania. Yeah, well some of Bram Stoker's dracula and of course the Dark Shadow movie hehehe yeah, i've been watching quite a numbered of vampiric movie lately.

Umm... Back to the main point... Well, this story is about ally (again, i know heehei) spending her summer with her brother Matthew in small town named Denzel. Her brother is a personal lawyer for Sir Dmitri, the oldest resident of the town which Allison believes to be a vampire.. *wink2* and he has a son, which namely as Zach. Not Zack. Note that kekeke :3
She uhh... Well, i was thinking that to make both Ally and Zach have feelings for each other, i mean like crushing... Zach would show his feeling but Ally... Well, typical ally of course hehehe :3 and uhh... Well, i also thought of making Zach as one of the famous playboy in le school. *he start schooling just like other kids la, like telling le school that he just moved in or homeschooled before this, ya know... Common sense*

And, ummm... He always get the girl he wanted or any girl that he feel like kissing and then just leave them like that... Ya know... Playboy... But he umm... Kind of having an epic fail when trying to seduce Allison which make him felt like uhh... How to say this... Uhhh... Challenge... Ha... He just couldn't predict Allison because she just so different with al the girls that he ever dated. So, he's like... Maybe she's the one i'm looking for.....

At the same time. He already have umm... Fiancee named Ruby... Ruby ruby ruby rubeyyyy~ hahaha kaiser chief XD and uhh... And yeahh... I think you know the rest. Hahahahaha i mean, pshhh... It ao easy to predict the ending. But i have teo kind of endings for this one, and i might choose either one. Obviously... Haahahaha or maybe i'll combine both ending ahahahahaha XD if possible kekeke XD

Well. Actually i don't want to write or think of the ending first because i don't want this story to end up like my Changing Your World. Yeah, i've wrote down the whole draft on a piece of paper before and BOOM! I lost interest to write it since i already know the ends hahahahahaha fuck me right? I knowww~~~ i hate myself for that~ T^T so thats all i can think of for now ehehe

Actually, i'm in my economic class right now hehehehe so, i shall come back again tonight if i have the mood to return :3
Byebye

P.S Let Your Smile Cover Up Your Tears