I think I'm sick

My head are spinning like crazy and feel so freaking heavy like no kidding. But I can't lie down now, i need to settle my assignment and everything. Stupid stupid cold UwU

Why you've gotta attack me at this crucial time yer hahaha ugh. Mom said she didn't have any meds sighs. Can I take one day break? But tomorrow is that fucked up ERF class sighs* 

Oh well, just do my best for this semester. I just need to push myself ight? Yeah, drink water UwU do my work. Ai Ken Dew Eat hahahahaha

Wish me luck.

P.S: let your smile cover up your tears

P.SOne: I miss skyping with sis Jaba and Akichan

P.STwo: I should focus on my study first. Hope they'll understand that I'm not actually running from them though UwU

Lost Time Memory hahahaha

Hello Again! It's been a week, i think? hahahaha yeah, things with schools are great but at home not so great. Well, it's great it just that *sighs* I'm not sure how should I put this. I mean, well... Some unexpected even had come and well, I don't know if it good or bad things but it's really big for me. Well, let's start with happy stuff first. hahahaha XD

SO, in my last post, I told you that I'm going to have 'Should anime be banned?' for my Public Speaking but I kinda change it to another topic which is, 'What should you do to survive Zombie Apocalypse.' ahahahahahaha I know! I'm just following my heart, okay? Plus, when I kinda think of this topic, I was thinking about ZOS: Zombie Outbreak Survivor. ya know, the one that sis Jaba did last few years back and I'm thinking like maybe I'll present this one as if I'm actually one of the workers in the zombie survival tips company something hahahahaha yes! I shall and I'm thinking to take the introduction of the story as my intro later mwahahahahaha XD Maybe I'll change a bit and add some more words. Yeah, I can't wait to present about it. hahahahahaha

and right now, I suppose to do my TITAS powerpoint but I kinda lost in the middle of doing it. It's like my brain is shutting down. So I end up changing my blog song and wala! I'm here hahahaha I need to focus though but it's kinda hard to focus here in my room. I've been spending almost all of my time in the room. I just don't feel like getting out of here yet. I want to but I just, I don't know. The old feelings is back. It's not a good sign, I know. I'm trying to fight it by the way. so, worry not! hahahaha

And uh, yeah well. I've been having a relapsed last few days ago. I've cut about 7 times on that night. I know because I still have the scars visible on my arm. hahahaha I didn't mean to, I mean, I do mean to but yeah, it just happen, okay? hahaha I didn't bleed that much though because I didn't cut that deep. And my mom kinda ask me about it, the day after cuz I forgot to cover it up hahaha and I kinda lie to her that I was playing with wild cat and it scratch me. But thankfully she believed me. If she knew I did it myself, she'll be more worry. Ah, speaking of worry, actually, the thing is that my dad are no longer working. He has been reach the point where he's not allowed to go to work anymore. So, I just feel responsible for this family, you see. Since my brother is useless.

The things that trouble me so much is that, I'm a full-time student but if dad is no longer working, but my stupid brother is still so active with his drug-addiction, I really need to find a job. Not that I'm saying that my parent doesn't have any savings, they do. They even have enough money to support my school financially. All I've gotta do now is to study the best I can, make them proud, getting good results and all that stuff. But I don't know man. I.... don't know if I can do this. What if fail? What if I can't graduates? What if?

My dad seems to put too much trust on me, too much pride about how I will make their life better one day. But what if that one day never came? because I fail to make them proud? Now I'm scared that I'll disappoint them. I'm scared that if I fail doing my best in my studies, they'll be paying for my studies for nothing. I know very well that right now, all I've gotta do is study, do the best I can, no more procrastinating and just focus making them proud.

It's so easy to say all of it. But it's really hard you know. I do have some great friends that helping me with my study so far. I depend on them, they depend on me. We're a great team. But I'm just not sure if I can do it. Things that we're currently studying is quite okay for me, I can do it quite okay as well. But, we can't predict the future right?

I know, they're not wrong for putting high hopes on me. I appreciate that. Really. I know this might be my callings, like sis Jaba told me. But I just feel so weak, so..... I don't know. I don't know what worries me actually., Clearly, I know what I should do and how I can do it. But this indescribable feelings that growing inside me it just making me doubting myself. I'm not sure what I'm actually feeling. I try to make myself cry ya know. But no, I can't cry hahahaha and it's really affecting my performance in studying because I keep on spacing out for no reason, I even cut myself because It's really reeally frustrating me. I don't even know what I'm feeling. I feel so........ *sighs*

Stupid feelings. I wish someone slapped my face so hard right now. But for some reasons, I'm honestly worry about everything. I don't mind about me anymore. That phase already in the past. I lived myself normally so far. It just this stupid feelings that coming in the way. I need a hug. hahahahaha

Well, I guess that's all for now. I'll update soon.
P.S: Let Your Smile Cover Up Your Tears
P.SOne. hehe: Logan Lerman is dating Alexandria Daddario. I'm sexy free and single HAHAHAHA

School and Stuff.

Hello, again! I'm back hahaha well, I've been seriously busy lately and assignment duedate is hitting me like a machine gun bullet. hahaha like for only this month, I have like two assignment need to be done. Next month, another two presentation to be done. So, I'm pretty much busy. hahahaha XD and yeah, I kinda took the Seminar subject which mean I now have 6 subjects to study for this semester. It's mostly presentation though, even though I prefer written assignment but TwinTech students really more into presentations. So I'm bracing myself right now and try to work with my presentation skills. Like seriously.

But thinking back about everything and putting aside the packed schedules of due dates I'm having, I think I can do this and it's pretty exciting ya know because most of the assignment we're gonna do is individual. hahahaha 'individual' is my favourite words. hahahaha Plus, I can say that my english pronunciation is pretty good and i have good research skills too so I think I'm going to survive this semester pretty good. hahahaha well, not to say this is going to be easy for me since you know how lazy I am. So I'll have to work out with my laziness though. 

But worry not! I am changed man. hahahaha I've just done my FM assignment for chapter one and two and I'm like OMG! I did it! hahahaha and currently, I'm working on my TITAS writting assignment and probably will start doing a little on it presentation as well. I was thinking of working on my IHRM on Monday, as well as a bit for my TITAS presentation and probably making a little research for my Seminar presentations. Since TITAS and Seminar presentation, I only have a week gap to present them both. 

I'd say, 'time is running out' by Muse is pretty much describing my life today hahahaha. and then, I'm told that after chinese new year, there'll be our impromptu assignment for Public Speaking class and sometimes there, we'll be having IHRM and Public Speaking presentation as well. AH! speaking of PS presentation, I need to think of a topic to be presented. (T__T) I was thinking of doing some; which might gonna be rejected which is;

1. Which is better? PS4 or Xbox One @ Call of Duty vs  Battlefield

LOLs I know! hahahahaha and and my favourite;

2. Should Anime be banned? 

anddddddd I think i'm going to present about that one mwahhahahahaha because for the love of anime! it shouldn't be ban at all like dudeeeeeee~ anime is like giving life lesson to everyone and teach us what is good and bad like like for example, naruto! he thought us to chase our dream and guess what?! he did and become hokage. Blue exorcist thought us that family is important and say that you love them before things are too late like like what happen to rin and shiro-san. he regret it after shiro-san die and me too. I feel it in my bones. The emotions is like so very strong it hit me like a nail. hahahaha anyway, my real point here is that, anime shouldn't be banned BUT it can be put under censorships like, 0only selective genre of anime. Not directly banned the anime for real. Come on, like think about the childrren! i mean, anime lovers like myself. We can't lives without anime. no anime, no life. 

My conclusion is no. It shouldn't. It can be put under censorships but not be banned permanently. Well, like even though the government would probably try to banned it, hardcore fans will always find their ways to watch them like from social websites such as tumblr, twitter, or maybe deviant art, or some anime video related websites like animeexceed or something. 

By taking anime from us, it's like trying to say that we cannot love something that we love. think about all the cosplayers, the collectors... right?

hahahahaha 

or or maybe I'll put it like this;

3. Why liking anime is trending world-wide? or smething like that. Man, I can go on and on about this hahahahhahahaha XDDD

well, first things first, i need to work on that topic name and convince Ms. Eunice that it;s really pretty good topic hahahaha XDD

anyway, I should go now. it's almost 12 though so.... yeah. time to sleep. I have class tomorrow. *sighs*

and I've texted val about our sleepover and she didn't reply me. So, i'm like meh. whatever. Because on the second thought, I don't really want to have that sleepover hahahahahahahahha shhhhh, I know! HAHAHAHAHA opss. anyway, I'm pretty much need to sleep now HAHAHAHA and i think I just embarrassed myself on the chat group so I decided not to be in the group for as long as I can hahahahaha XD not that they're my friends anyway. So, not important and I just leave it at that since it's their problem not understanding my jokes. Okay. 

Now I'm going for real. Hope to update real soon and wish me luck! XD

P.S Let Your Smile Cover Up Your Tears!

I guess... *sighs*

Well, hello. hahahaha Yeah, this gonna be short post because I just want to uh, ya know taking some shit out from my head because it's very disturbing me lately. So, I just need to let it out ya know. And since I don't really have anyone to talk to, and yes, I don't feel like talking about it either so I'll just say it all here :)

That picture is all for show hahahaha it has nothing to do with what I wish to tell hahahahaha XDD *ahem* anyway, the things is that I've just finished writing my first short story of 2015. Neh, the one I've wrote about in my last post. So, apparently I've told sis Jaba about it and thought that she want to read it but then... *sighs* I didn't really get the reaction I wanted and honestly it just killing my determination to continue writing hahahahaha yeah, I should let it control me but I can't. I need someone to proofread it or maybe a simple comments about it like is it bad or is it good?

If I'm gonna read it, of course I think it's good because it's my doing, right? But meh. She just like, "Ah good. Post it on wattpad then.." And im like hahah...nah... I'll think about it because I want to change a bit of the story hahahaha *sighs* I just want her to read it but now..... Maybe I should just change the whole story line and make a new one or maybe I should just delete it.

*sighs* I guess I am a bad writer. hahahaha like honestly. Maybe because my story line is too cliche and my english is ya know how bad it is and I know I'm not capable to write something good or original. I'm so not original and never will. It just sucks feeling this way. I've been trying not to let it affect me but my brain is a shit. It keep on reminding me about this. about that moment. I hate feeling rejected hahahaha I mean, who doesnt?

I know that I'm not as good as all the other writers but yeah.... *sighs* I guess I'll just stop writing for a while. I don't know. Maybe I'm just not build for writing? I just hate this. Honestly.

I hope I can focus on my study instead hahahaha yeah.... or just continue reading because that's what I capable of. Just read other people stuff, not making it myself. yeah, I should continue doing that. What's the worst can it be.

I'll write again after I forget about this. hahahhahaha

Happy New Year! hahahahaha

Well, hello 2015! hahaha this is my first post of the year yearghhh~!! I'm looking forward for the best to come because I will keep believing that things gonna be great for me this year. I can smell it in my bones hahahahaha Anyway, so far things are great for me and yesterday I've my first class and I'm like WOOOOOH! finally! hahahaha and my first class is TITAS which we're going to learn about Tamadun-Tamadun, like we've been learned in Form 4/5 i don't recall but yeah, we're gonna go through that shit once again. BUT! I'm soo fire up and we're going to have our presentation next month. I know, everything is rushing but chill~ hahahaha next week, we're going to have to bring all the materials about our assignment and apparently we're going to do it in class whether we like it or not. So, yeah. hahahaha and then, yesterday also I've got my last semester results and guess what? Ngeeeeee~~~~ I got great marks. Thanks to Starbucks for providing me enough caffeine through the week hahahaha XD Well, I got A minus for both International Business and English Integrated Skills, and C plus for my Strategic Management because I don't really understand that class though but thankfully I get C plus for it hahahaha XD I feel blessed~ hahahaha but my real horror isn't here yet which is Business Math. Hell, I really hope I'll get good grades. I don't mind what grade I'm gonna get as long as I'm not going to resit or anything. I don't want to resit though because resits will definitely affect my GPA even though I have 2A as my results UwU but worry aside, let's hope for the best~ XD

So, today I went out with my one and only bestie, Val. She just got back from Kuching yesterday and actually we both thought about going out next week but then, since we've promised to watch Night At The Museum together last year, so we kinda have to go today because tomorrow is the last day for the movie but we can't go tomorrow because I'm having class from morning until night. *sighs* but we both had fun though. Going around Parkson, our must go place is Super Save but too bad SuperSave is full or tanglung and all the CNY necessity so we both end up didn't buy anything. hahahaha and then we went to this Tee'z shop which is selling cute t-shirt and I bought her female stitch t-shirt as her Xmas present hehehehe and oh, on our way to Parkson just now, she gave me an advance birthday present which is bunch of cute paper clips. This is my second birthday present from her and both are vintage like. hahahaha I really thank her for the lovely present but I'm still awkward so I just said like Awh, thanks val! hahahahaha XD and then, after the movie we went eat at our usual place at four junction around Boulevard area there and we talk about all kinds of stuff, well honestly she do the most talking as usual hahahaha and I'm just adding some and give her my opinion and all that. We talk about an hour and a half then I send her home and even on the way, we talk a lot. hahahaha XD yeah, it's really fun. Until we don't even bother to snap a pictures together hahahaha XD Then, we both planning to have sleep over soon. Since she's only going to be here for three week. So we're thinking maybe around next week. Probably weekends? We'll see. We haven't thought it thoroughly yet. But we did decided to bake some cupcakes. hahahaha XD having sleepover with my bestie is written in my bucket list actually. So, I guess it's gonna come true hahahahaha can't wait! XD

This week definitely a busy week for me and tomorrow, like I said. I'm going to have full-day class *sighs* and then on Friday jengjengjeng~ hahahaha jmy 21st birthday babyy~! but I don't really feel anything though. Well, not that I don't like birthdays, it just that I don't feel a thing. Well, I lied. I do feel something. Responsibility. *sighs* it's a very complicated and heavy words once you realize what it's really mean. hahahaha well, since I'm 21 years old now. I shall try to get my shit together but yes, I'll still be playing around, running like 5 years old and laughing like a banshee and joking like there's no tomorrow, BUT, I've gotta work a bit matured in terms of brain and know what I should prioritize. I've decided that I'll do all my best in my studies, or whatever I'm going to do in the future. I'll do all my best and make my parent proud. Since I'm their only last hope now, I have no time to give up and fucking around. Well, sometimes yes but not always. I know things isn't going to be easy but I have to try doing my very best to go through it because I choose to keep moving and I believe this is my calling. I'm going to make my parent proud and to ensure them that I can make their life better. I'm going to prove them that they can depends on me. SO, yeah. I hope I'm going to make it and that this isn't just some empty talk. Yeah. I shall be strong for my parents. But honest, I'm still worry about my B.Maths. hahahahahaha XD

And *gasped* I've finish my short story which I call Imagination with Logan Lerman. My gosh, I blush the whole story hahahahahahahahahahahahahahah Well, I finished it yesterday but then. I'm still not sure. Maybe I'll reread it again and see if there's something I might change until I'm satisfied with the story line ngehehehehehe I'll post it here once I'm done.
And I kinda looking forward for this Saturday where I'm going to accompany sis Jaba to attend her colleague's weddings. I'm pretty nervous about that but yeah, I'm still going so no worries. I'll just hope that things gonna be great hahahaha *sighs* I can't help it okay. I'm paranoid hahahaha and then I've ask sis Jaba to sleepover and she said yes too. Ah, speaking of sis Jaba though. We've spoke in skype just now, for a while and she seems down about stuff and decided to go offline early. Well, I do understand though because all the pressure and stuff from the workplace and yeah, I should think too much about her reaction hahahaha *sighs* Well, yes. I'm start to think that maybe I did something wrong. I KNOW! I'm sorry! I shouldn't think like that but I'm very sensitive hahhahaha and I'm just recovering so it's a little bit hard for me to stop myself from thinking the negative way. hahahaha I'm a working in progress. Even earlier this morning, I stared at my scars, and when I noticed only some of it visible, my brain start asking me like, why didn't I cut deeper for every scars I have and I have to knock myself out by blasting the music really loud in my ears hahahaha gosh. And well, it's 12:09 now. so I think i shall try to get some sleeps because I have morning class tomorrow. So, I'll be back again soon~ maybe on my birthday. Maybe. hahahahaha we'll see. So good night and happy new year, Mr. Bloggy!


P.S Let Your Smile Cover Up Your Tears :)

New Year Resolution and Last Post of 2K14

The typical Tumblr girl posed hahahahaha yeah. In my case, it was wannabe-Tumblr-girl posed since all of them we're way gorgeous, i mean... inhumanly gorgeous in some ways. Okay, enough about that. By the way, hello~! It's been few days after my last post entry ey? ahahaha yeah, since this horrible year called 2k14 hehehe i like the sound of that, 2K14, doesn't that make me sounds more extravagant and more swaggy? hahahahahaha okay enough and yes, I really do have horrible year BUT it still better than my last 2 or 3 years back where I was really really drowning, gasping for life hahahaha XD Well, I'll just say that 2k14 isn't quite a bad year for me because I've been recovering from my unhealthy habits which you know which one hahaha and I'm more forgiving? I guess and I have few people that I think I can safely considered them as my friend with benefits at that. hahaha and there's that. I have few good laughed with my parents as well as my stupid brother along this year but I'm still wondering if it a good idea because usually, after we had a great family moment together, it's always end up with door slamming or my stupid brother annoyingly shouting at mom. So, sometimes I'm just holding myself back from having too much fun because I'm pretty much convinced that when I'm happy, things gonna be bad for mom. hahahaha yeah, I know it's completely non-logical. Believe me, I do know and I'm trying not to compel myself into that kind of thinking. I might end up being the unhappiest person on earth and missing all the best things in life :)

And I don't really have anything to tell here because my days has been better in the past few days. I've spend whole lots of time with myself and oh yesterday, for the first time in forever, me and my family dined together in our dinner table. hahahaha Well, it just happen like that because I was caught getting food from the kitchen and then they all started to sit down and eat along. Well, maybe it's a start for everything. And yeah, that night. My brother getting into his usual stupid shouting again and mom, yeah. Slamming the door and dad, I don't know what he's doing, probably sleeping. hahaha *sighs* Okay. I've just decided. Maybe I should uh, just write my new year resolution here? I guess? hahahaha XD alright then :)

Okay. I haven't really thought about my New Year Resolution actually and I totally completely had forgotten about my this year resolution hahahaha First and for most, I think I'm just going to try my best to keep in touch with people and stuff. The idea of having friend have hit me at some point where I kinda miss my old friends a lot hahahaha but not all of them. I mean, certain people of course. And then, I might trying better keeping in touch with my one and only best friend, Valerie. The only person who choose to stay and well, accept me no matter how weird I am, even though not fully. But I'm glad to have her and called her best friend. I'm the one who suck at keeping in touch and I guess it just time for me to make the move then, I can't just let her do all the work, right? hahaha so, that's one of my resolution. We're so going to go through this again by the end of 2k15, to check if I've done this or not hahahaha XD Hopefully I will *fingercrossed*
Then, there's another about educations. Which would be my second resolution this year. I'm going to study my very best and getting wonderful grades for every exams. I really wanted to make my parent proud and well, I did graduated with good CGPA which is 3.00 in which it's definitely an average grade for college students. So, I just want to make them more proud of me, and making myself proud at that by beating my own CGPA. I mean, degree will be tougher but since I've been half-serious while I'm at the easy level, then I guess I should just double up my effort like twice hahaha yeah, and I'm pretty excited to do this. I suddenly remember that time when I'm a very compassionate learner that I never missed any second to make note and actually doing my homework hahaha yeah, so now, all I have to do is convinced myself that I love to learn and shit hahahaha

The third one, would be uhh..... accepting myself the way I am. I've been having trouble of accepting the way I am but last few month back I think, I recalled that I've read this one quote saying something like, "Love your own body for it was made by God from his own reflection," something like that and it hit me so much that I kinda feel a bit guilty for being so bitchy about how I hate my body like we all knows that God had made His child and mainly the face of course. But yeah, it could work with the body too hahaha and yeah, I'm like why is it so easy for me to appreciate God's other creation but now the one I already own? so it's like, well... This isn't gonna be easy but it's not impossible either. So, I'm going to uh... do my best to love myself. Like Niall sung in Little Things, "Love yourself as I love you," I'm like awww hahahahahaha XDD

Louis Tomlinson is just too cute my gosh hahahahaha okay. Uhh, my fourth New Year Resolution. hmmmmmm..... *gasped* I think I never mention, which I'm pretty sure I didn't hahaha well, it's about this one story idea that just hit me when I was reading Dramione this few days. It's uhh... more like Harry Potter AU in which I combined my own character with Harry Potter's character XD AU here because I never read Harry Potter so they're so going to be very OOC hahahahaha anyway, back to this idea of mine, I was thinking about writing it like, it was in their 7th year in Hogwarts and yes, Voldemort is still in a run (hey, Voldemort isn't having red line under the name hahaha and yes, Harry did think he kill him but no, he's not wahahahahaha) and so, Dumbledore (yes, he's still alive) announced the school that they're gonna be having exchange students from 5 magic school somewhere over the globe. So, there gonna be 3 students from each of the school. So, between all the students, there'll be my character wahahaha XD I've named them Alex, Travis and Aaron (I'm pretty much loving this name lately) Alex and Travis are brothers, while Aaron is Travis's best friend. Then they going to be sorted out and oh oh i was thinking of Alex making a fuss about not willing to be sorted out hahahaha yeah XD I'll tell you in the story, because I'm itchy to write it gosh~ hahahahaha anyway, after being sorted out, they're started to mingle with everyone in which all the professor think it's could be great for the house unity. Okay, then uhhh.... well, I was thinking to make these three as part of the Order spies. A very young spies of course. They did come from prestige school though and very good at Quidditch and music yeahhh XD ( and psst.... Louis is gonna play Alex part pffftt I just remember HAHAHAHA ) anyway, *ahem* there's gonna be lots of things happen and well, I might write the draft first ahahahaha XD

And other than that, I have also thought about writing a teen depressing story hahaha about this two best friend. Well, not so best friend. They never actually interact with each other until they were partnered up in this one school project. But they knew each other though hahahaha and uhh, maybe I'll just take my original character, Ally Menders and Andrew Quinn in this story too. Well, it's gonna be bloody hahahaha nah just kidding. I'm going to make a plot twist in this story hehehehehehehehehe we'll see what my brain gonna tell me. hahahaha and ahhh, speaking of story... I might re-working on The Last Descendant. I mean, I really love that story but I was also thinking to change the heroin and maybe the whole cast. muahahahaha XD I really should write the whole thing in a book. I keep on forgetting it somehow. curse my goldfish memory! >.<

Anyway, I completely going off track hahahahahahaha I'm so sorry. Okay, now my fourth New Year Resolution. After that long and twisted off-track, I shall say maybe I want to finish at least one of my stories that I'm working on. hahahaha yeah, so far, I have five? maybe I'll try to finish one and two is a miracle, three? in your dream hahahahahaha XD So, yeah. I guess that's it. And fifth new year resolution is exercise~ Yes, I want to keep my body healthy and having stamina since I feel like I'm running out some fuel in me and gaining lots of weigh for some times now. And ah, I think I'll be moving into new house around February because there's still so many shit to be done and still no electricity yet. So, yeah, around end of February or maybe early March. Well, relax~ hahahaha it just I can't wait to move there because you know, I'm hoping for a better feng shui from that house. hahahaha because here, it suck a lot.
And uhhhhh....... Maybe that's all my New Year Resolution this year. Oh last one. Sixth New Year Resolution. Treating everyone nicely and respect those who is deserved to be respected hahahaha. Yeah, I mean. Sometimes, there are things that we can't really do all by yourself and you need someone to help you. I know that today, we might be in a very good state where we think that we're on top of everyone but tomorrow, who knows? that we might fallen 6ft deep into the ground and no one will even shed a tears for you. That just sad okay? So, I'm thinking that. I might not necessarily be friend with them. Just being nice, like smile at people more and heads up and no more looking to the phone screen while walking hahahaha I mean, yeah, it's not easy but it's not impossible too. Like, in time like this. With all these fucked up world we've been living. I mean, since I know I have no power to change the world in just a snap of my finger, maybe doing something small like this could make a small change. Like, maybe when I smiled at them, I could brightened their days and treat them politely can do so too. It's not gonna change the world but maybe could brighten their days. Who knows? hahahaha yeah, so yeah.
And of course, this ain't gonna be easy because I must admit, I have a veryyyyy low self-esteem when it comes to public. I might need to try my best not to succumb into that kind of thinking anymore hahahahaha yeah, I should be working on that hahahaha XD

 Okay. I'm actually just came back from Facebook and holy shit man! there this uhhh this gaming stuff where you can play using gaming google thing so you can see it from your own view and with a gaming gun and you can feel the whole thing with your own body and soul I don't know how to explain it but holy shit! I want that shit~ hahahahaha seriously! it just awesome! Imagine playing COD with that shit oh my god! I'll be soooo sooo emotional playing that and mom probably gonna have to secretly keep it away from me hahahahaha XD seriously, oh my gosh! I'm so thrilled. hahahahaha anyway, I think that is all I'm gonna say in this post. So, since well, I can say that this gonna be the last post of 2k14. So I would love to say that it has a very great year spending with you my dearest Mr. Bloggy. It's been awesome and I should thank you for always be there for me hahahaha XD I know in this few years, I keep on updating with very stressing and depressing post but let us both hope that next year, 2k15 will the better for both of us. I love you. And I'm sure pretty glad that I found blogger before because it's like I can say everything and be myself. hahahaha so again, Goodbye and see you again in 2k15! XD love you always Mr. Bloggy. I really love you and thank you for the great year. Mwah mwah mwah~!

P.S Let Your Smile Cover Up Your Tears.

The Shortest Love Story Ever. ((trust me, it's really short HAHAHAHA))

Well, hello again! hahahaha :) It's been a while I didn't update this blog with something fun and excited but rest assure now for I'm going to try my hardest to write the fun thing in this very post hahahaha :) Yeah, well honestly, I'm tired of living in distress for oh-so-long now I lost count of how many times I let myself drowned in it. But now, I want to swim. I'm done drowning and I really don't like the feeling of drowning. hahahaha :) I can't really say that things gonna change soon because life doesn't work that way so let just take a baby steps and keep on believing.

Okay! So, as you can see that I've dyed my hair back to dark brown! WOOH! hahahaha because I have something in mind for my next year hair-style muahahahahaha XD I'm gonna dyed it red black next year yeahhh baby~! But I think I'll be dye-ing it maybe a month before Gawai celebrations? because I've been dye-ing my hair too frequent and if I don't put longer gaps, I might losing all my hair. I can't afford that hahahaha I'm not gonna be cute if I lose my hair HAHAHAHA XD and well, as I had this brown hair back, sis Inut says that I look younger and I'm like ohohohoho HAHAHAHA duddde, of course la I feel so happy because it's been ages people didn't tell me that I look young hahahahaha XD

Okay. Enough about young hahaha because I've been told that I looked like a freaking 12 years old by some anon from Tumblr and I'm very flattered hahahaha because I look 8 years younger than my real age hahahahaha oh *flip hair* XDD Anyway, things is always the same and last few weeks I've been having a very stressful moment. Well, that's because my dad is having this sickness where his stomach have this small hole and blood coming out from there in which he was pooping for blood most of the time. Mom even told me that before he was going back here to Miri, he was being hospitalized due to the loss of blood that the doctor had to give him 2 blood packet the day before. *sighs* and that's the moment I kinda realized that I'm in a huge responsibility right now and I've gotta do my very best in my study starting next year so that I can support my parents and we won't loss our money sources. And I'm freaking hating my brother for how ignorant he is about our dad's condition and that mother freaking selfish bastard is really getting on my nerve each and every day. I must be lying if I said that I don't hate him because I really do. He may be my brother, but he don't deserve any respect from me and I am not going to dine at the same table as he is. And that my friend, is how much I despised my brother.  The end.

Just kidding. I still have lots of things to tell hahaha XD Well, I really owed sis Jaba big time because if not because of her, I might still self-harming myself in some ways. I didn't really tell her about that because well, I just feel like I don't really need to tell everything to her and make her worry and shit. Opps. hahaha I was thinking not to use any cursing word in this post but I guess it just slip hahahahahaha XD Okay, uhh... Well, honestly it's really awkward to tell someone about stuff that happens in your life because it's not something you should share with people and worried them. Well, telling or not telling, sis Jaba always know what happen in my life because she practically stalking my blog HAHAHAHA like I always did to her blog muahahaha XD SO that's how we communicate by the way hahahaha :)

And, ah~ because I forgot, last week if I'm not mistaken... Since I'm honestly don't know what day or what date is it now hahahaha Seriously... This is one reason I don't like long holiday hahahaha it so freaking boring. Okay, that was close hahaha I almost out-track hahahaha eh, uhh... Oh, last few weeks ago I think... I was going for a shopping spree with sis Jaba, sis Inut and her husband. We went to watch Big Hero 6 and man, how I hate that movie hahahahahaha I mean, gosh! the director is a satan AHAHAHA I cried the whole movie and even today, I'm still so sad about Tadashi because he freaking killed by the fire just to save the villian. Oh my gosh, I'm so so so so sad about it HWAAAH and and then BayMAx died I cried again my gosh. It's been ages I didn't cry sooo many time like that in a cinema hahahaha XDD I feel like buying the CD next time I'm going to Speedy. I just got to have Big Hero 6 in my collection hahahahaha XD

And then, sis Jaba and I were having movie marathon, also in the last few weeks ago, I think. hahahaha well, it was around that time though hahahaha XD Oh! before the movie marathon, I was accompanying sis Jaba to meet her friends from school, uh... something like reunion. I was acting like I was part of the group hahahahaha but yeah, we had fun *gasped* i think I'm talking about the same day HAHAHAHAHA oh my gosh, HAHAHAHAHAHA okay okay, now I remember everything HAHAHAHAHA I'm so sorry HAHAHAHAHA *Ahem* Uh, okay... It's like this. Sis Jaba was asking me to accompany her to meet her friends because she doesn't want to go alone. So there I go, tagging along and make friends with her former classmates. But since the reunion starts in the evening, so the four of us were going to the movie and watch Big Hero 6. And after the movie, we dropped sis Inut and her husband at Imperial Mall while the two of us went to SOHO, a place where her friends has been waiting. As we arrived there, well... Honestly, I think we talked mostly between ourselves hahahaha. Then, her 'BFF' Audrey hahahahah ask all of us if we wanna go Karaoke and so we said yeah sure, why not. But we've gonna send sis inut and her husband home first. And so, we sent them home and came back for karaoke-ing. There I was having the singing battle with the Audrey girl ahahaha and yeah, I kinda proud myself. I might not sing well, but at least I'm better than that smugface girl hahahah I'm so bad. I feel bad, a bit. hahahahaha XD But overall we had fun.

THEN, barulah we both having movie marathon. So we kinda watch Maze Runner WUBWUBWUB and guess what? I'm getting a new husband HAHAHAHAHA Uish, of course I'm still Mrs. Lerman-to-be but it's kinda bit shaky now because my gosh, Thomas-Brodie-Sangster is the cutest motherfreaking human being. Even cuter than Logan Oh my gosh *sorry Logan* HAHAHAHA I mean, his voice... I fell in love with his voice. And when I found out that he was the voice actor for Ferb from P&F and I'm like oh my gosh! is this a fate?! HAHAHAHA because hell, I love ferby ya know and well, because he's the quiet type, whenever I'm watching P&F, most of the time I was waiting for Ferb to say something hahahahaa and thats how I got hook with the cartoon. and of course, other than that, I was watching P&F because of Ashlee Tisdale's voice XD

Eh, back to Tommy. hahahahaha Other than his voice, I really love his face. His eyes, his lips, his teeth my gosh hahaha and and his accent OH my, that's sexy hahahahaha XD my heart beat so fast right now HAHAHAHA I really hate the cupid angel because they always make me falling in love with someone I couldn't have. Like literally out of my league HAHAHAH I mean, dudeeeeeee..... Thomas freaking Sangster is seriously too cute for someone like me hahahaha *cries* HAHAHAHA don't you know how freaking depressing this is? HAHAHAH UGHHHH okay, staph. Well, Tommy is born in the 90s. A year older than sis Jaba which means, he's 24 this year BUT I tell you, he looks like he's freaking 20, like me! yay! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAhA someone just kill me, I'll give you the address of my house hahaHAHAHAHAHA *sighs*

Look at him..... *dreamily* Haaa..... any girl that dating him will be the luckiest But *gasped* what if he's gay? hahahahah wait. Imma googled it. OH, i just heard my heart break into million zillion pieces HAHAHAHAHA He has a girlfriend and her name is Isabella Melling. Well, i'm not i place to say this but honestly, the girl looks too old for him. BUT yeah, love is all about that bass about that bass HAHAHAHA Okay, Maybe. I should stop talking about Thomas-Brodie Sangster because you know, I'm very strict with this one life principle of mine which is
If that person is owned by someone else, I shall not touch them any longer for the rest of their relationship. Which mean, I'll get back to them once they're no longer in relationship mwahahahaha well, depends on the situation. SO, LOGAN.. You're safe. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA I guess we're belong together, eh? AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA It's 3:40A.M and I'm dying here. Okay then, let's move on. I mean, I'll just leave Tommy be and back self-titled Mrs. Lerman hahahahahahaiwai. Seriously, just stabbed me when you can ey? HAHAHAHAHA oh gosh. THis is the shortest love story ever, like ever. HHAHAHAHAHA I moved on too fast Hahahahaha opps.

And, yeah.... what else, shall we talk about? Hm.... Oh my current story progression is very slow. I'm taking my time to write it because I don't wanna rush anything. I mean, I want to finish it off. So I don't wanna rush it hahahaha XD Oh, right! I was actually did change the story plot a little for a while now *but I haven't wrote it yet* in which I kinda add new character which will be played by Tommy but after what happen just now, I think I might just stick with the original plot HAHAHAHAHA yeah, maybe that's why I can't even write a word for some times now. Maybe God is actually telling me that Tommy and I were not getting back together HAHAHA i'm sorry, it's Taylor Swift song just jumped into my head. The real sentence I wanna say is that Tommy and I were not meant to be together hahahaha XDD

Oh oh, speaking of famous person. I was having this daydream ya know about if I ever be a famous movie star. I think I might known as a geek actress hahahaha and well, I don't know how I might act whenever it comes to interviews or anything I mean, I think nothing will change though hahahaha I wonder how many people would like me and oh my gosh, imagine that if I was shipped with some actors HAHAHAHAHA wowowowowowow brad pitt, but at the end of the story, I'm slaughtered my Angelina Jolie hahahahaha that could work. I could always play the bad guy. And HEY! I think sis JAba and I just having this conversation hahahaha if we're ever be in a movie, we definitely be the bad guy because that's how we roll *put on spec* yeahhhhh hahahahaha XDDD

If I had a chance, I would like to play as the main character's best friend. A very aggressive and manipulative best friend who can make anyone do stuff for her and threatened anyone who is bad towards the main character. hahahaha and plus, a gamer. of course. HAHAHAHA and Otaku tooo XDD I wonder how it feels like to an actor. hahaha I want to experience it.

Oh oh, what if... Like one day, I'm travelling overseas and while I was travelling, I was scouted to be a movie star WOOOOOOOHHHHH, HAHAHAHAHAHA I wish that would happen though. Um well, I think that's all I should say now. I'm rambling shit hahahahaha it's almost four and my parent gonna wakes up soon. I don't wanna sleep yet because I want to bid them goodbye. Yeah, they're going back to our Hometown, kanowit today and celebrates christmas there. I'll be celebrating Christmas here all alone....

Just kidding. I'll be spending my Christmas with sis Jaba, sis Inut and her husband YAY~! hahahahaha I can't wait! and I hope mom will leave me some money because I wanna go and buy some CD for us to watch on Christmas Eve. WOOOH~ I can't wait XD

Okay, Now I'm going for real hahahahaha
Before that, here's a picture of me and Tommy in which is coincidentally have the same expression hahahaha when I saw it I'm like wooooooooo HAHAHAHAHA XD
so, this post is a goodbye post for my feelings for Thomas-Brodie Sangster.
Thank you for making me remember how it's feel like falling in love again and fangirling hahahaha :) I'll always love Ferb no matter what HAHAHAHA XD

So bye bye and stay bless~!

P.S: Let Your Smile Cover Up Your Tears :)